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The COLD HARD TRUTH

Ok lets see where to begin .Ok lets start this way i have stsge 4 non small cell lung cancer i also have adrenal cancer i have becam incontinent yes it does suck judge away .now the fun part there are so many people on here that seem to think they know it all with no regars to anyone well how about you pull the beam from you own damned eye before you pull the thorn from someone else's yes i took my other blog down no it was not that they won but i have enough going on with out the goddam drama from here so like me hate me i dont really care im here to stay i have freinds that are here and i will not turn my back on them nor ignore them so guess what i doughnot care.!
2 months ago. Tue 03 Sep 2019 04:23:35 PM IDT

It flipping sucks can hold food down waking up sweating your ass off i take tylonol ib prophin and anti nausia pills on top of all my heart pills now so yeah the flu always sucks but its worse in the summer i wont let my son bring my grandson over because im sick he was not happy but understood .i miss my granson alot when hes not around but its for the better anywho vent over 

2 months ago. Tue 27 Aug 2019 06:27:47 PM IDT

I started the chantix 4 days ago i read talked to the doctors what noone told me is it can make some people mean well i found out im one of the people it makes mean no emotions just down right cruel so after today i am stopping the chantix i dont like being the person i burried long ago and neither does anyone else so if anyone ever want to use chantix keep in mind depression is a main concern but it can make you a mean person .im glad i didnt get depressed but i dont like being mean either

2 months ago. Thu 22 Aug 2019 11:01:26 PM IDT

What do you say when there is nothing left to say when everything turns out right or wrong there are often words and feelings left unsaid and delt with do you just say screw it and take the journey alone as i often have ?should we just not speak or even acknollage what was there .in my opinionit could go either way .after the massive heart attack and the cancer and wverything else i ha e been through ive had my freinds but what about the ones you hold dearest and know they could give a shit less if your there or even if you are alive .when you have your back to the wall and stand your ground you can only fight for so long as much as i try to be nice we all have our faults and i have cam to realize i have alot of them .i can be nice but can be the meanest person on this planet with no emotions a trait i got from my mother i guess i have learned to keep myself gaurded and built a wall around me with a floor and a roof no way in for anyone but there is a door for her if she looks the walls ive built are not to keep everyone out but a shelter in the storms of life and im glad ive discovered so much about my self i am glad to know others my freinds well at least the ones that i can truly say are my freinds .im at the top of this stormy cloudy mountain watch the rain and trees move and fall if i never sset out to go from here then how can i see when she will be ready because i made a door only she can see .so i sit here waiting and not letting lifes storm drown me im at a vantage point i can see all around me because it not always storming and i am not blind i know she is there she just has to open her eyes 

2 months ago. Mon 19 Aug 2019 02:53:56 PM IDT

I had a massive heart attack a few days ago i hinestly though i was checking out i prayed to god to forgive me of things ive done and he has i was in stage 4 lung cancer for 3 years during my stay in the hospital i learned just how amazing god is the cancer in my lungs has vanished i stopped being inconninent yes i have stents in my heart but the cancer is gone .i am a new person i thank god every day for having mercy on me .i have started talking to the most wonderful person ive ever talked to she is younger but her heart and mind are truly amazing i wake up looking for a mesage from her the thought of her truly make me smile .so when you say things are just terable in life they can be so much worse trust me i know 

3 months ago. Fri 16 Aug 2019 07:36:01 AM IDT

We can blame anyone trump obama ect in all actuality its not anyone elses fault but the person doing it if you shoot someone they say take the guns if you stab its a knife they want to take .this is just my feelings on things .it is tragic what has been going on the shootings and murders my heart goes out to all affected i cannot imagine their pain .but lets put the blame where it belongs honestly .when we grew up you never had people going around doing this stuff our parents never worried about locking our front door why because we was taught respect we was taught consequinces .kids today have no respect hell we smack them cps says thats abuse .i love my kids but do not think i didnt whip their asses when needed .cps was always telling me thats abuse the last time they came to my house i sit them down gave them a cup of coffee and told them if my kid goes out and robs someone who is to blame they said that it would be my fault .i asked why it would be .because i did not teach them properly .i asked her then how many times my kids go into trouble because of that she said none .then i pointed out the fact i whipped their ass not beat but actually spanked them .she said that was abuse so i called my kids out of their rooms told them to go pack their bags because i abuse them she could take them in and raise them .to make along story short they no longer tell me i abuse my kids nor do they come to my house anymore.so now who is to blame for these kids going haywire nowdays .again its just my opinion 

3 months ago. Tue 23 Jul 2019 06:38:24 PM IDT

For momma

 

 

For dijinn

For nicca know i will love you always

 

For everyone else

3 months ago. Tue 23 Jul 2019 02:40:13 PM IDT

We all have moments of weakness we all have our high times but when you are tired of putting the effort in and no results always end the same it gets even harder to hang in there .ive loved laughed and had great fun in my life bdsm and vanilla but when you move and it hurts you to even take a breath you know its time to give in and stop even trying to be with anyone .to my family here ill stop in now and then and say hello but i cant keep going at this point i love you all.curlynicca you will always have my heart

One

3 months ago. Sat 20 Jul 2019 05:51:25 PM IDT

4 months ago. Fri 05 Jul 2019 10:33:45 PM IDT

When you are laying in bed or couch and you get these thoughts of horrible things going through you head and they seem to get louder each time or cant sleep at night your dancing with the devil at some point we all do it see i struggle each and everyday with some form of anger no i dont cut myself anymore i usually go to the garage smoke some weed and beat the hell out of a punching bag kick punch then i grab some weights and lift as much as i can .but when your in the middle of no where and around stupidity i gets hard no to thump someones head .i have control but it was not always the case i use to fight just to do it i made some cash as well but now im older i learned when to fight and when not to bother .i guess i will always be a scrapper lol but when you meet some lil punk spouting his mouth off just trying to get someone in trouble that is when it gets real i poped some young punk today in the mouth with a cop standing there thr cop walked up and thanked me i figured i was going to jail but i didnt he said he has been doing it all day .i have not had weed coffee or anything today so im very irritable to start with .but the lil punk went else where and left everyone else alone .so far it is hot as fk out even the ac is not working all that great .anywho vent over 

 

4 months ago. Fri 05 Jul 2019 12:15:44 AM IDT

Im in pigon forge tn i brought the amish down for their vacation only thing i pay for is my smoke and i get 150 a day for bringing them not bad i think