I don't want to lose the peace
before my heart remembers it beats with regret.
I don't want to drown again in the struggle
to not breathe the misery I built.
Tired of racing time
to keep the sickness from resurfacing.
Tired of pretending to believe
that just one more will become the last.
I don't want to fight the light
to collect enough sorrow to pay the dark.
No longer wanting to call out to the demons
for the relief that lies.
Tired of collecting a numbness
to erase the shame of wasted yesterdays.
I don't want the warmth
to make this war worth it.
Longing for the vein of life
to grant sweet release of silence that never ends.
Desperate for the dream of a tomorrow
that ceases it's return to become truth.
I don't want the predictability
of a peace that will never survive my reality.