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Chaotic and twisted thoughts of my mind

Hello all
I'm unsure if I should create a blog, my thoughts not all will understand, they may seem dark to some yet I find peace in who I am.
This journey is so very new to me and yet I am unsure if I will ever understand my self, yet I am finding peace and comfort in excepting myself.
I find myself writing down my thoughts that are constantly in my mind it helps calm the chaos.
I thought a blog may help me to better understand them.
1 year ago. Sunday, February 9, 2025 at 11:01 PM

In darkness she walks
He wolf by her side
Her constant companion
Her ever ending guide
She walks along
Steady and slow
No great rush she
Has nowhere to go
The darkness her home
Where night becomes light
She finds herself searching
Throughout the night
She longs for what is lost
Yet it stands before her
What seems so close
Is so far out of sight
She longs for his hand
That once held hers tight
Her soul calls for him
As if whispers in the night
She longs for his control
She longs for troubles
To take flight
She seeks the quietness
The simplicity of grounding
She yearns to please
And hungers to be
By his  side
The wolf in her is ravenous
She craves to be hunted
Though out the night
She seeks the wolf
That lurks through
The night
The hunger that burns
With in her runs deep
In her veins
And burns bright
In the night
She longs for the wolf
To follow her light 

1 year ago. Tuesday, February 4, 2025 at 6:15 AM

What is it about that “voice”

 

And, no not the show, my kinky peeps.

The “Voice”, that “Voice”, His “Voice”????!

 

Holy crap, the voice, you know the one:

 

●That one that makes you smile so big your cheeks hurt instantly

 

●That one, that when you hear it and you are around other people, they know you

are up to something naughty or nasty

 

●That one you can’t even listen to an entire message because that voice makes your girlie bits twinge

 

●That voice that says cum for me, and you lose it

 

● That voice that says squirt for me, and you soak everything around you

 

●That voice that hits you right in the pit of

your stomach and makes you say, oh shit, i‘m in trouble

 

●That one, you’ll drop to your knees for

 

●That one you’ll find comfort in and search

for when you need soothing

 

●That one who will be, behind you or over

you spanking your ass and the next minute

wiping your tear streamed face

 

●That one, while rubbing your head, says

sir proud of His baby girl

 

●That one who doesn’t yet realize, the voice

controls everything

 

●That tone that can change within a instant with a growl that captures your complete attention 

 

●That’s what that “Voice” does, and you

know the one I’m talking about….. His VOICE….

1 year ago. Thursday, January 16, 2025 at 10:02 PM

In darkness she walks alone
Her wolf reminds her she
Must let go
His wise eyes know the
Pain she holds
Sometimes quite yet
Sometimes grips her soul
She pauses and brushes
Her hand against his
Soft coat
It always grounds her soul
He is the only one she has
Know that has never let
Her go
He has forgiveness in his soul
He knows she does not
Mean to mislead
Or hurt any soul
Her soul old
Seen so many life times
So many stories unknown
She takes a deep breath
And allows her self
To remember she knows
Who she really is
Scars remind her of sadness
Of not being enough
Her black wolf nudges
Her and reminds her
Time to get up
Stand tall and strong
Pure and raw
Brush the dirt from
Your kness
Walk with me
Words whisper through
Tress
Carried through the breeze
Scars remind but the do
Not define 

1 year ago. Friday, January 10, 2025 at 12:20 AM

When a dynamic ends... 

Thoughts of a submissive 

 

Lifestyle dynamics run so much deeper than any vanilla relationship can.

We vet each other for months, we learn each other as much as we can.

We discuss our kink sides our needs, wants, limits ect. And through all this we gain trust and grow fonder of each other, our walls drop and we allow ourselves to be seen. We also learn each other's vanilla worlds, family, work, health ect.

Then in time when trust is earned by both, vetting has happend, how the dynamic will look we may take the next step together on this amazing journey.. As a sub you become our world, our main focus is to please you that's really all a true submissive wants is to be adored for who they are, respected and heard, but we thrive to make sure our Dominants are happy. So I guess I'll get to the point of what happens when a dynamic ends? How does it effect the mind of a submissive?

As subs we follow rules we have routines and structure that we find hard to give ourselves, it becomes part of who we are and how our day runs.. 

It could be they are the first one you speak to in the morning, they could have a journal they give to you each day, they may have a bed time, or they may have check in times, they may have poses they do each night.

There Dominant becomes there safe place, there grounding, there quiet amongst chaos.

When all that suddenly ends they are lost, they may wake up in the morning and go to do something and suddenly realise that world is no longer there.. And that to a submissive can be crushing, they allowed you to be there world and suddenly it is all gone and they are alone to deal with it.. The submissive who used to go to her Dominant with all her troubles, her tears when she was lost or overwhelmed is no longer there. She has to re program her mind to a whole new world, with constant reminders of what she once had.

I think my point to this writting is please remember Dominants that when you dynamic ends don't leave that Sub all alone to try to pick up the peices, her mind overthinks everything, she is probably going through so much self doubt about what she did wrong, or what she could have done better, she may not want to reach about because she feels she may burden you and she is no longer wanted.

Please even though the dynamic is over take care of that submissive, make sure she knows you are still there, help her through the process, allow her to cry on your shoulder, you where her world. Listen to her rant on and on.

In this lifestyle dynamics run so much deeper. And although we may act really tuff and unbreakable, the truth is we can shatter like glass.

 

Please note this is not a dig at Dominants by any means it is a submissives view and I agree that Dominants can need it just as much.

 

2 years ago. Monday, February 26, 2024 at 2:12 AM

Crawl
She watches you
She craves more
Than he knows
She craves the beast
To take hold
She sits legs
Spread wide
She knows not to touch
Yet urges take hold .
She is hungry to please
She wishes to crawl
To you and bring him
To his knees
Oh she so wishes to please
To watch his eyes roll
As she pleases
Her body quivers
At the simple thought
She places her hands
On the floor
She glances his way
She starts to crawl
Her eyes never leave
His sight
She is prey crawling
Towards her Hunter
Her hunger grows
Each stride
She reaches his knees
And sits to please
She sees a smirk
He knows what his girl needs
He knows she wants to please
His hand placed on her throat
Bringing her to her knees 

2 years ago. Sunday, February 25, 2024 at 7:35 AM

She is pure
She is darkness
Yet she is light
Her eyes bright
Her hart heavy
She walks
Under the moon
Lit sky
Wolf's follow her
Every stride
They growl
Nash there teeth
Her guardian's
They hold her
Broken peices
Out of sight
She is brave
She fears no soul
The darkness her home
Where beautiful lost
Souls call home
She walks among
The pure darkness
Of all lost souls 

2 years ago. Monday, February 19, 2024 at 12:20 AM

She kneels bound in chains
She wipes the the dirt
Stains from her knees
She opens her eyes
Wipes away the tears
And allows herself
To see the beauty that
Makes the darkness
Around her beautiful
Chains fall beneath
Her feet
No longer we weight
Holding her down
She moves forward
With a brightness
Once again in her eyes
First steps uneasy
She knows she
May stumble and fall
But she knows the
Girl inside is strong
If she falls she
Will rise again
One step forward
Three steps back
Stumble and rise
The journey holds
Many a beautiful
Thing once again 

2 years ago. Sunday, February 18, 2024 at 10:54 PM

 

Challenge Accepted ... give me your best shot ???‍♀️

2 years ago. Thursday, February 15, 2024 at 11:35 PM

Once a pure soul
She walked alone
The girl in white lace
With mud apon her face 
The darkness her home
The black wolf her
Only true guide
She left his side
To follow his stride
His movement mesmerising
Her bright eyes
They shine with intrege
She compelled to follow
His Lead
His every movment leaves
Her intreged
The world around intensifies
As she follows she finds chains
Her feet stop as
If stuck in solid sand
As she travels she stops
And collects the chains
His lead slowly distancing
Her feet can no longer
Keep in Pace
She is bound down
By the weight of
Chains she watches him
Fade away
Her eyes no longer 
Burn bright
Only to find
Chains that are weighted
And bound tight    

2 years ago. Friday, January 19, 2024 at 10:33 PM

When trust is broken
Words softly spoken
Lies whispered
Through deceitful lips
Every second spoken
Tears though the soul
And shatters it into
Tiny bits
Shards that shimmer
Now fallen on the ground
I watch the breeze
Slowly carry them away
Once I would have scrambled
To gather every peice
Now I beacon the
Storm to blow
Not wanting to re build
Allow the peices to flow
For what can not be whole
Can not be shattered
Once more
Into the darkness
She walks
It's her home
She hides behind
The shadows
To once again
Become unknown