you know, I always knew I was dumb
deep deep down dumb
unable to speak to it's cause
gifted
special
high IQ?
meaningless tests of an aptitude that was never mine
stripped away by
the fundamental degradation of fortitude
and forced surrender
none of it matters at the end of the day
when the fibers that are woven so tightly together begin to fray at the lightest touch
of my razor edged heart
sharpened by decades of
deadly indecision
and insecure attachments
to toxic behavior
instead of the better parts of those
who surrounded me with their
mud drenched auras
weighted and heavy around my shoulders as if I could cure them
of a disease
that lay dormant in their soles
no longer my cross to bear
my heart screams in delight as the weight is lifted
then becomes wracked with sorrow at a lack of direction
foundation
soul
my touch has grown callous and rough and
my self care
is damaging to the raw state of my feeble member
trembling and weak
she is at your mercy
yearning to be molded to your perfect match
claimed and owned completely
a part of myself I never wish to have back
free of the uncertainty
your solid standing
firm beneath me
around me
surrounds me
is a reassuring hand on my back
as I am guided into the pure ecstasy of your bliss
screaming your name in a chorus of exaltation
washed clean of all that is not of you in an instant
pure
yielded
yours