I have no idea how I feel but I feel that it is building up within me at an increasing rate. Distracting me from the rest of my life and what I need to be focusing on.
Everywhere I look, I feel there is nothing for me here. A few meager connections. Simply not being alone. But nothing that whispers of permanence or significance lasts. Nothing gold can stay, as they say. I want to love people, friends or lovers or both and all in-between, with much more conviction than people are generally comfortable with without a life long connection. I don't care I don't care, I want to jump in feet first and start running as far as I can into the depth of their hearts. Push aside insecurities and fears of failure to see who they crave becoming. Embracing and nurturing our inner children and running wild and free through love. Not haltingly as though we may trip or break a brittle bone.
I know I am capable of forming an immediate and passionate connection with someone but I don't know that I am prepared to take that ride. I want to be. I feel in my heart the overwhelming sense of the few who have garnered this reaction from it. Their essences etched into the fabric of my reality permanently. Constantly conscious of where they may be and how they may be faring. It's more exhausting to have no one and wonder if there is anything meaningful left throughout humanity at all. The empty spaces that most provide in place of human interaction is stale.
My greatest desire is to be understood.