[I originally posted this elsewhere]
TLDR; I want serve someone who appreciates my submission, and my loyalty, and who doesn't mind me being inferior. I don't want to be an equal. I respect his space ,when he wants it, but I need someone I can give my all to and worship. Someone who will mold me into the "ideal" sub (for him) . My submission is about serving him sexually and non-sexually in the safety of a monogamous D/s relationship. I want to be useful to him. I want to be protected and cared for. I want to be with someone who enjoys my personality (and body) and who won't just use me and throw me away. Submission requires trust; trust that my D isn't going to willfully hurt me, or dismiss my feelings, in the process of pursuing a temporary pleasure.
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I previously wrote about what I’m looking for in a Dom. There should be mutual attraction and expectation. What he’s looking for, in me, is equally as important as what I'm looking for in him. Nothing worth having comes easily (or for free). I try to give back what I expect of someone. This becomes a little muddier in D/s due to different ‘jobs’ but same idea as vanilla.
Being that I'm submissive, to my very core, I don’t enjoy unnecessary conflict. There’s a lot to be said for agreeableness and positivity in a person. I want to keep him in good spirits and share the funnier aspects of life with him on the daily. Leaving a good impression with his friends, family members, coworkers, and strangers.
This means bringing that positive attitude into chores; cheerfully giving him a full body massage when he arrives home, having his food ready, laundry done and relaxing him orally. Nobody can be perfect and cookie cutter At every moment, but a generalized positive attitude is an important quality in a sub.
My submission is an agreement that I will allow him to open me up to new things, sexual or not, and to engage in those new things willingly and with a sense of optimism.
Complaining is not productive; and appreciation of the little things that occur daily are what I offer instead. A beautiful moon, an amazing thunderstorm. Or, in the reality of life, every negative moment is a chance to make things more positive; or, at the very least, not make those moments into mountains. The sub should offer a calming, feminine presence for when he is upset.
I do have strong opinions and do believe in 'tough love'. I enjoy offensive jokes. I am direct and, at times, no-nonsense. How I express this during the relationship can be modified as he sees fit. For now, I yam what I yam.
Independence and loyalty in the relationship; this means he can leave, for any length of time, and trust that things will be done to his specifications. His sub will have her own hobbies to pursue outside of keeping order of the house (plunging toilets, paying bills, taxes, stocking healthy foods, cleaning the firearms, whatever else.).
His property will be kept on lock for him (and only him) and well cared for. That property of which he can impose his will and control on at any time. I will let him know as often as possible that his pleasure, whether he is inflicting pain/pleasure /control/other, brings me joy and the feeling of security. I will try to always show gratitude for him choosing me. I will want him to feel fulfilled and appreciated.
I appreciate some level of space - I imagine he does as well. Neediness is not attractive in anyone. Generally speaking. Some level of dependence is expected, depending on the dynamic. I am capable of running myself; certainly no doormat. But, having him at the top of the hierarchy (and at the center of my world), allowing him to make our decisions, would bring my person a lot of inner happiness. So, within that idea of 'space' is our safe space, where we can be ourselves.
Not to shame anyone, but, physical/mental health is a big part of any healthy relationship. A sub (and Dom) should practice good self-care as a way to avoid burnout. It's easy enough to become stretched too thin. I have good self-care management skills; physical and mental. I'm used to a higher level of stress within my field. Being empathic, I can sense when someone needs care or assistance. I am secure enough that, in the event of burnout, he will be able to take a rest from the dynamic without fear that I would think any less of him.
Communication; any Dom should expect their sub to understand that they do not mind-read. Such problems can be countered using direct and respectful communication. Honesty is one facet of communication...one that is vital in a relationship. For example, being honest with the skill set one has or weaknesses. Honest with hard limits and soft limits. I will always try to be respectful and direct, though I'm not perfect.
He will want a sub who has internally-motivated work ethic. One who is able to come at failure with persistence and a hunger for self-improvement. A sub who cannot stomach failure, or who has a thin skin, is one who will not grow; she will disappoint her Dom in the long-term.
Ultimately, he will want someone who will not abandon him in his time of need. One who is able to adapt (such as having to move suddenly) and go with the flow. Life is full of unfortunate events where things are out of our control. People get temporarily and/or permanently sick or incapacitated. With me he will have someone who will look out for his well-being. This well-being includes holding him to a higher standard, as well as, taking care of his person. Holding him to a higher standard means respectfully approaching him with concerns or holding him accountable. For example, if he's staying up late on an important night, or if he suddenly decides that his true inner-self is being a furry named Squiggles.
He will not want a doormat and might welcome a secondary voice, or not, but that voice will be used. I will risk the potential for punishment (and willingly accept that correction) if it means looking out for him.
I expect him to be the protector. But, I utilize my feminine energy to watch out for his best interest. A good sub will recognize the human in him first; fully submitting to that man, but understanding that mistakes are made and capable of forgiveness. Class and grace in the good/ugly times. In public (especially) and in private. Even if the relationship ends badly, he will have the security of knowing that me, his sub, will keep intimate details confidential.
He will want someone who he shares common ground with and vanilla interests. He might want his girl to take part in some of those interests - and to eagerly do so. At the very least, I will try to fan the flame of his desires without him needing to ask for that.
I hope to be an extension of him. And, outside of needing to be corrected and modified, in certain areas, would strive to be a good partner and something he’d be proud to own/have.
