7 months ago. July 14, 2023 at 3:48 PM
Many are 'seeking' here, though the odds of an actual in person connection for a first D/s scene often seem remote.
So let us assume you as a sub have connected online, found no obvious red flags, and feel you are nearly ready for your first actual "scene" of play with this in-person Dominant stranger.
Of course there are the obvious and often discussed safety issues. First among these is making sure your Dom/Domme knows he or she has been identified in real life. Pictures of a current driver license often work here, or being shown quickly their latest utility bill with address, date, account number, etc. The "quickly" can prevent any artful false substitutions).
Next is leaving an identity trail with a trusted friend for where and when you will be meeting this Dom/Domme. Can be in a sealed envelope with an instruction to open if you are not in contact by x date or time. Failure to contact your safe person by the x ought to begin a search or contact with authorities. You need not go into details about what you expect to be doing, just that you want a backup in case...
I'll assume you feel sufficient trust has been developed to want to take this risky jump into real life.
But safety items are not my focus here. As I contemplate my own next first meeting for a scene, I realize there are other essential things which should be on any first meeting check list :
* Agreed on safe word(s) ?
*Clearly discussed limits, no just relied on a profile pro-forma set of limits, but more complete explanations, including some whys and shadings?
*Gotten comfortable with a general idea of what to expect in the scene, not just what time to arrive and what to be wearing?
*If penetrative sex is likely to be involved, are you comfortable with any needed proofs ?
*Beyond limits, have you given the Dom/Domme a clear idea of what YOU hope to be included, or avoided? For example, have you indicated what you feel about being demeaned, or what you hope to be called, or not called?
*Have you been given a clear protocol for your arrival? Should you "Present" in a certain way, or maybe be silent until told to speak? Having an idea of what is expected of you in the first few tense minutes can go away to increasing your confidence.
*Does either of you have time constraints that will impact your scene? Not good if you need to leave by a certain time and your D type expects to take their sweet time to savor what they are doing (or vice versa!).
* Have you understood Toys/dress/cosmetics, etc.? Does he expect you heavily mascared because he likes seeing it run with tears? Do you know if you are required to bring a favorite toy or two? You ought to know what to wear when you arrive, but do you know if you need to bring lingerie items, etc., as well?
So, I hope these suggest some thoughts beyond just being safe for a first meeting, things that may improve your overall experience in your first in-person scene, which I hope will be a memorable high point on your journey!
For those of you with several first experiences, I hope you will feel free to add your thoughts on things I am sure to have missed...