Thoughts of an orphan

I wish I had

The kind of mother

Who would stand up to

My father

And his violent rages.

I wish I had

The kind of mother

Who would nurture me,

Protect me

From my father

And his violent rages.

I had the kind of mother

Who did not intervene

Too scared perhaps

Of her own husband

Or perhaps orchestrating

The whole thing

Behind the scenes.

What I needed was

A powerful mother

A dependable mother

An iron mother.

But I did not have her,

Or even know that I needed her.

And now I am prone to my own violent rages,

Misogyny, self-loathing...

Watch out, mothers!

You are huge!