There's is a lot of stress and negative feelings right now for me on the cage. A place that once served as a safe haven where I could openly express my creative outlook on events that happen in my life.
I am not eloquent.
I am not graceful.
Tact is something I severely lack. I have a hard time decerning boundaries and my people pleasing personality makes it hard for me to press others, I have a very high (sometimes at a fault) level of human respect and thus, I tend keep to myself when it comes to stressors.
Though I have been observing the drama close to home here on the cage, I had distinctly make a point to stay out of it; to stay neutral.
Silence is the same as allowing it to happen.
And though I know I am but a single person, I do feel that I have quite a different insight then the ones you may have read thus far.
I met my Dom on this platform, surprised by a profile that was complete and local I decided to reach out, being in a community what houses a super church, bdsm and the lgbtq+ community are often hidden, so i was very excited to meet someone in the life style.
I came on to him. I reached out, I asked him after a bit of chatting if he was interested in a bull position, as my husband and I were an active stag and vixen couple. He agreed, and we set up a face to face with all three of us.
We met. I had a panic attack in the parking lot, a full scale crying panic attack, but we met and we clicked. Something about his charm and willingness to share himself to make me and my husband comfortable was something that didnt go unnoticed.
That was the beginning.
Life happens and before we ever had the chance to even be physically intimate, I started to fall for him.
People are unique chaotic creatures. Horrifying and beautiful at the same time. I starting watching him, and at some point I finally came to him and offered him my submission, I practically handed him my leash. I am a person of certainties, so I know what I want when I want it.
I didnt know if he was in other relationships or with other women..I didnt care, if that makes me a bad person, then it looks like I am going to hell.
But something in me told me this person was going to be very significant, if i would just help that spark grow. So I did. Relationships are messy just as people are, sometimes we need to heal as individuals before we can be what we want for others. This is something I know personally and I have the empathetic composition to help others heal as well, because healing is dirty. Its a brand new dropped cellphone that you skipped buying the warranty for into a muddy puddle on a stormy day when your car just broke down on a street you aren't familiar with in the dark.
Knowing that, I decided to stay because I am able to see that all involved are just people in pain, who need to heal and work out why they felt the need to contact me. Yes, mistakes were made, but we are all sin incarnate, what shows the true potential of a soul is how they deal with problems and mistakes.
Accountability, growth, compassion.
People are messy, but when we loose our humanity and compassion is when we truly begin to loose ourselves. When we attack others...regardless of a past, or pain afflicted. We loose that spark within us.
This world is filled with hate..pain..suffering.
He and I have been together for over a year now. Our relationship is complex and it can be strained at times, but he and I know that sometimes love takes work and being willing to put in the work, not just trying to force someone to be what you want them to be and then throwing a tantrum on social media like a teenager when you dont get your way. Our relationship is quiet, but the strongest bonds are. I decided that he was worth the effort. That he, as a man, is worth.
He is my rock.
Our time together has only solidified my bond to him.
*We are always the villain in someone else's story.*
Its easy to blast people on the internet where there aren't any significant consequences (I come from the cyber bullying generation) but that will only reveal the work that still needs to be done in that individual. To intentionally target and intend harm to someone BECAUSE THEY BROKE UP WITH YOU is borderline unstable. It makes me feel unsafe and uncomfortable.
But overall, I feel pity. Pity that you dislike yourself so much that you have to see someone in pain to feel better. And what's worse you involve multiple people and create more chaos because you have not gained the grace required to handle a situation such as this, and its just sloppy. Taking a platform where people are to mentally and to creatively express themselves safely, and corrupting it with juvenile drama, when affects everyone who in active on this platform is pathetic.
Shame on you. I had once thought better of you. No longer.
We as a community, need to understand that we are all we have. If we cannot handle something maturely, then it will all fall apart.
I know a different side, and if you really want to know, then please ask.
Someone who draws conclusions based on strictly bias information are actively choosing to stay ignorant and become part of the problem. Grow people. Its the only real thing we as individuals can control in this world.
-Pandaish