I've been doing a lot of work on myself this year and I'm very proud of myself. I'm still a little bit stuck though. I try going out alone to meet folks and I'm successful at it, then I'm exhausted for days after and don't want to do it anymore. The best way I can describe it is like having a hangover that lasts days on end. I've tried pushing myself through it and ignoring the physical response, but then it gets way worse. Real talk, I've had autistic shutdowns from doing this (meltdowns when I was younger but I don't really get those anymore). I tried making the youtube videos to overcome social anxiety and I think that is a huge success, but it doesn't address the problem of being in unfamiliar environments around other people who are not in my 'inner circle of trust' for long periods of time. So I need to get really creative in order to continue to succeed and see progress.
My successes from this year:
- I no longer give a fuck about what strangers on the internet think of me.
- I'm much more comfortable in my own body and love the way i look (still doing dollification, but I'm allowed to improve upon a masterpiece of G-d's creation. And it's OK to have a fetish.)
- I can be a bitch to anyone if necessary instead of just hiding or avoiding them (I still avoid and hide though sometimes)
- I cut off all of the shitty people in my life and it was amazing.
- No longer camera shy or video shy
- Learned how to be more calmly assertive.
- My physical and mental health have improved a lot.
Things I haven't done yet:
- I haven't gotten rich yet. I'm of the "get rich or die trying' mindset. Thanks 50. Being poor with a kid in the SF Bay Area is not an option. But I have to figure out how to protect my health while doing this. I can get a lot of money, but it fucks up my health typically which is not OK.
- I go out alone to meet people, but not nearly enough. If I want a guy, I will not meet him on the Internet. The type of guy I want is too busy doing stuff (unlike me hahahaha)
- still a messy girl. Haven't gotten organization in check
- Avoiding a 9-5 job. Part of this is a protection mechanism, but I think the way to get rich is to take one of these 9-5 jobs and still do my businesses. Plus it opens me up to new people and ideas.
I'm proud of myself, but still scared as hell guys. Just have to take it one task at a time I guess.
