Hello. How are you? What are you looking for?
Round and around and around we go, over
and over again. Conversations that progress
in fits and spurts. Miscommunications and
little white lies. Optimism that dies
an increasingly dramatic death. Everyone
angling for something, and willing
to bend the truth to get it. Each false start
something inside me dies a little more, but,
at the same time, the sub who's just seeking
that impossible, indefinable, utterly essential
thing, grows a little more desperate.
A little more willing to try the places and the people
she already knows won't be the thing
she's looking for, just in case. And where
does that lead us? To more disappointment.
More frustration. More cynicism. More desperation.
Around and around and around we go. Down
and down and down we go. And the surface,
the sunlight, the air, gets further and further away.
The thing I have always been frightened most of
is drowning. And yet, here we are.