La rêveuse

--- just a random thoughts --- 

I think I've had enough trying to keep up with the people here. A few months ago I tried so hard to fit in. Tried to please everyone and I don't realize how much that put me under stress. 

I changes personality like a chameleon to the point I don't even know who I am anymore. 

So I stop, took a breath and step back. After a long break and reflection, I finally found myself. I understand more about how to do things while keeping my mental health. And the most important thing is to stay true to myself. 

I have to keep reminding myself "it's okay".

It's okay if the others don't like you,

It's okay if they think you're immature 

It's okay if their topic is too hard for you (you're 21. How could you understand topic about married life problem. Come on girl!) 

Now I'm (a little bit) wiser and stronger. I may not be as mature, as wise and mighty as a lot people here. But I'm growing in my own time, and I believe I'll become a beautiful flower when the time is right. As for now, this little bud will keep striving for the best. 

💕

Yes you read that right!! 

Are you having a hard time conversing?
No one wanna answer your message?
Or they did answer.... But with not so hospitable way? (which I usually did)

Then this blog is dedicated for you!

so I believe you're a decent human being and here to find your partner in crime.
that's great! I believe you'll find yours in due time.

here I have got some tips that will help you in succeeding with 90% success rate. (10% is based on your looks. That I cannot help. Some people are picky ya know)

1. People before kink. ALWAYS
2. Don't lie (troll, dwarf, whatever you wanna call it) 
3. Have some dignity, don't just shamelessly throw yourself at everyone (pstt, gossip travels fast) 
4. Mind your manners
5. Any shameless endearments and name calling are forbidden. (Since I found little amount of people who actually enjoy that as greetings)
6. Respect personal space. If they don't wanna share their personal information, DON'T PUSH IT
7. Never try to be anything you're not

and lastly, DON'T BE A DICK (not literally)

so there's some easy ways to make yourself more likeable. not that hard isn't it?
hope that helps
any suggestions (or disagreement) are welcomed

disclaimer : none of the idea expressed above are actually mine. they are told to me by Pséftis and Frôd, the seven inch tall space aliens who live under my desk. in return for these ideas, I have given them permission to eat any dust bunnies they may find under there. (just not the pink one)

As a lot of you already know, I'm a sucker for anything Japanese related. And it seems like music is no exception.

Currently obsessed with " Mabataki " by back number. 

 Funny thing is, this song is so sappy and have those lovey dovey vibe, while on the other hand I'm feeling nowhere near it. 

Lyrics :

Happiness isn’t something like the repeating cycle
Of nights of falling stars and brilliant mornings
It’s being able to hold an umbrella over a special someone as rain falls upon them

It's okay if there’s no answer
To the question of what we’re living for
As long as you can protect the people you wish to see, and the things important to you

If I could sing out those precious feelings
Without trying too hard, or getting down on myself…

There are those who lived for their dreams
There are those who were right to have strayed from the path
There are those who threw everything away for someone else
There are those who lived for themselves

I couldn’t become any of them
But as long as there’s still someone who needs me today

Happiness isn’t something like the repeating cycle
Of nights of falling stars and brilliant mornings
It’s being able to hold an umbrella over a special someone as rain falls upon them
And it's how I was protected before I had even realized it
So I want you to always, always stay by my side

Whether my eyes are open or closed

5'1" and proud. *stick tongue out* 

Here I tread on unfamiliar ground, but let me muse for awhile.
I believe love is stronger than desire. Yet it's easier to cave in to desire.
Love protects and gives, while undiluted desire consumes and steals.
love can last eternity, while desire will burnt out.
I believe that love without passion starves the heart, and passion without love.... destroys..

'almost' every woman wants to be irresistibly desired (if not... well at least I am). wants to feel that I'm captivating and maddening.

But behind all that, I also wants to feel safe and sheltered. I want--no, scratch that.. NEED to know that no matter how passionately you desired me, I am loved more. (oh and this goes both ways)

One thing I know, a relationship based on desire sure is fun. the fire burning passionately, it's.... addicting. But the drop.. it's unbearably fast. (yep. personal experience) 

Now I'm a little bit wiser, I think it's safest to observe first. rather than jumping in a relationship face on. 

Great things will come with perseverance and patience.

_{Aww look aren't I very vanilla today?} 

Too afraid to fall

Start building a wall

Begin shutting the door

To avoid what I once looked for

#RandomThought

Just today. I mourn over you, over us, and the people who had been hurting. 

I will come back tomorrow, stronger than before.

And this time, you can't break me.

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile -Stephenie Meyer

neu·tral (having no strongly marked or positive characteristics or features)

There's a difference between being submissive and power neutral. Power neutral service is how I serve the communities I'm part of. Since high school I've helped in organizing events, serving other people, and volunteer in a non-profit programs. I seek ways to help those around me and when I did, I feel useful and fulfilled. 

Spending a lot of time in organization really shape my character. I can't help but to reach out when I see someone in need. I want to help, whoever you are no matter what's your status.

Here, (some) people misundestoond my power neutral service as an act of submission. For me, service is the act of helping people while submission is where I'm putting myself unde the control of other. 

Sometimes I got into an awkward position when I try to help and this lead people to think I'm being submissive towards them. 

I'm only doing what feels natural to me. I'm sorry if this is misleading, but I hope you could understand the reason behind it is purely because I want to help.

and please take note that my submission won't come that easily.