oh yes another hump day is here.
Now, The never ending pursuit of finding some random person to hump on a Wednesday.
My previous approach had some flaws.
So I've been told.
In the past on Wednesdays I would just roam around, approach girls and women just say hey it's hump day.
Do you want to get your freak on?
I know what you're thinking, that line never works. But oh contraire, it actually did work. Mainly because I think that women I ran into were just goddamn horny.
Now you have to imagine, some women didn't take too kindly to that statement. I've gotten smacked in the mouth. Had a cocktail tossed at me. One lady even try to sick her dog on me. This was a big German Shepherd, now I know it's dog eat dog world. So I got up out of there. And I ain't wearing MILK BONE underwear.
But the continual changing my clothes from getting drinks thrown at me and running from dogs and the ever popular smack in the mouth. Never discouraged me. Then there's that old definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.
I think most people would get discouraged and quit. But to me it was like I'm the hunter seeking my prey.
So every Wednesday I would set out with one goal in mind, find me someone to hump .
Talk about a self-inflicted mind fuck.
Eventually I developed a new system. Practically foolproof.
I didn't put a lot of thought into this, but why bother. So I figured, I would approach women with the ultimate goal of satisfying Wednesday being hump day.
I came up with this wild story. I would tell these perspective victims, that my doctor told me I was going to die unless I humped a woman every Wednesday. Now I know the odds are stacked against me that I find someone gullible enough to believe this. But I tried anyway.
After being released from the hospital, on a 3-day stay. I figure it's not worth it. And who would it ever thought that three Catholic nuns would beat the living shit out of a poor guy just looking to hump somebody. I really did ask them nicely.
God-fearing my ass. Felt like I was in a prize fight. I swear these nuns were ninjas. The relentless kicks to my head punches to my body. Not to mention the wooden rulers repeatedly smashing my hands, one of these so-called religious people Catholic nuns held my hand to the curb while another one slapped it with a ruler.
The foul language that's spewed from their mouths. As if they were possessed, Catholic nuns!! Possession !! Could be.
Anyway, Now after they've won their heavyweight title of kicking my ass up and down the street.
One of these Catholic nuns had the audacity to give me penance. I had to say five hail Mary's and two our fathers. As they're loading me into the ambulance. God-fearing my ass.
Needless to say, I'm giving up on hump day Wednesday. Frankly it's just not safe out there anymore.
I'm just going to stay home and watch All in the family reruns. If I get real bored I'll just hump myself.
Have a happy hump day.
JW.