This is a question I was asked a few weeks ago by a beautiful Mistress. I gave an answer, but as the day progressed I found myself questioning myself. My answer in the first instance was that I am a Top and Straight. Job done........ so you may think, but no. and this as been running through my mind ever since. Who am I? What would I like to be called? Simple questions but as I am discovering, the answers carry a lot of meaning. So I shall attempt to answer these questions now.
What am I?
Well I identify as being a Top. I am to all intents and purposes a straight heterosexual male. BUT..... I do have submissive desires. And some of those may bee seen as leaning towards being more gay(?) or to me being more bisexual. I want to have my prostate massaged and my cock milked. I want to be fucked with a strapon. I want my cock sucked as most horny males do but am open to a male/sissy/cd/tv doing that. And I am also open to anal sex with another man. But again I want to do this as a top! Is this contradictory? I have also discovered a sadistic streak in me, Whether that be inflicting physical pain or verbal humiliation and degradation, I want to explore this too. I am too much of a wimp to be any kind of a masochist although after being married twice some might say I am a masochist!
Who am I
Now by this I mean how do I like to be known in play or in a scene. This is difficult for me. I have gone by a few names in my adult life online as I'm sure a few who will read this have. Here I use the name Garion66. But when asked yesterday what I wanted to be called in a scene if needed I was at a loss. Those in the vanilla world call me by my given name or some variation thereof. But here and online in general I have used the names Garion, Belgarion, Poppabelgarion, Poppa, PoppaG and Pops. I personally like being called Poppa or Pops as it suits my fatherly side. But in any scene I think I might have to vary the name to suit the play. In my mind and according to the books I get my name from Garion is a youth full of energy and wanting to know and learn stuff sometimes reluctantly. Belgarion is the same person but older and wiser, In my mind he is a more serene and nurturing character. I added Poppa into the mix when I became a father again for the 3rd time and that has stock in some form for the last 20 years. And now I am living alone again and finding my way in this Kink world, I have no name that truly fits me and who I am. I am a father, grandfather, single, outgoing introvert, explorer, student, horny, needy, impatient alone, lonely and scared!
So if anyone can tell me after all that What I Am or Who I am then I will listen.