Rocks and trees

I met Jenny in June 2022. That’s not her real name by the way. She works for a marketing company drafted in to launch a new initiative my firm were leading on. She is 48 years old, dark haired, refined and perhaps the most focused person I have ever met. The meetings I had with her were totally professional and involved very little eye contact or wasted words; she delivered her thoughts and ideas, rarely looked up from her laptop and then left after shaking my hand with a loose grip. She was efficient, distant and apparently without emotion.

She was very attractive, always dressed immaculately in a business suit with tight skirt around her slim hips. I noticed of course, but it was very clear that she did not want to be seen as a woman but as a professional, and that was perfectly right in my book too. However, I began to dread those meetings because she was hard work to be with and they seemed to drain the life out of my day.

And then one day I saw her outside of work by pure chance. I was out with friends in town drinking, and she suddenly appeared in the crowd of a loud, busy, late-night venue, looking amazing in a black sparkling dress that hugged her everywhere. I could hardly believe it was the same person. She was dancing with her arms high in the air, smiling and occasionally drinking something pink through a straw. I suddenly felt like I was seeing something I shouldn’t see, like I was spying on her, and she would be angry if she saw me, but just as I thought that she saw me, and her face lit up. She danced across to me and offered me a drink through the straw into the pink liquid. I sipped, unable to do anything else.

I want to skip forward three months now. All you need to know is that Jenny is many things. She is strong, very intelligent, very good at her job, self-sufficient, totally uncompromising and the equal of anybody who might challenge her about anything. She is also the person who struck an agreement with me that evening that she has never broken since, and I don’t think she ever will.

At 7pm every Thursday she enters my home through the door I leave unlocked. She undresses by the door and leaves her clothes in the basket I provided. Naked, she finds me and kneels by my feet, placing her head against the tops of my shoes and her arms behind her back. She stays there until I release her and fit the collar around her neck. For the following three hours we dance. We rarely speak, other than for instructions to be given. We dance and we purge ourselves of the world we both need to escape from.

In the meetings, she still does not look at me and we discuss only work. She wears her perfectly fitted suits and calls me Mr Rogers. At the end of the meetings, she shakes my hand as always and leaves. The difference now is that I know that beneath that suit, beneath that professionalism, is a submissive that bears my marks upon her willing body. That carries my thin chain of bondage around her waist. That may carry inside her any number of items that I have selected that form part of the secret we share. It is all the more glorious because only we can hear the music we dance to.

Only the fire moved, its flames crackling and spitting moisture from the wood it fed upon, casting dancing shadows around the room, its warm light moulded to one side of her skin, leaving the other in mystery. Time had left the room when He entered.

Every inch of her strained to sense Him, having been denied the luxury of sight. Her imagination lifted goosebumps all over her nakedness where she felt His eyes touching her. While at other times she could not be sure He was there at all. He gave her nothing to focus on.

He was there. Watching.

She knelt in the den of a Lion. Willingly. Trusting that she would not be eaten, hoping she might be devoured. There had never been a moment like this before for her: so vulnerable and exposed. It was exhilarating. Her heart pounded in her chest despite her stillness. The stillness she had been told was important to Him. She dared not provoke Him.

The power of the Lion consumed her. Not a word, not a sound, but in total command of his territory. There was not the slightest doubt in her head that she was now part of what he owned. Perhaps only a tiny part, but most likely the entire focus of his attention at that moment. She desperately hoped so.

She had slowly lost track of everything in the stillness; Him, even herself. It didn’t matter though because she was with Him, and He would make her as He needed her to be in His world.

His world… where she was realising was where she was meant to be. Safe and at risk of being lost forever as prey.

She felt this connection inside her become solid and everything changed. She had always known she needed something more than life had given her, and had taken this step into the unknown with fear and embarrassment; but the Lion’s eyes, His calmness, His power had drawn her like a deer to this spot, this room, this moment. For the first time ever her soul pulsed with warm contentment.

The Lion saw the change. He licked his lips and approached to feed.

According to Google:

Sexual peak refers to a period of your life when you are most capable of having frequent sex that is high in quality. Research suggests that women reach their sexual peak in their 30s whereas men peak in their late teens.

I realise this is a theme for me at the moment, but vanilla dating is quite new to me and occupying a fair bit of my life.

A submissive friend asked me a little while ago if I could be truly happy in another vanilla relationship, which was a question I had asked myself many times before then. The reality is though, that finding Mrs/Ms/Miss Right in the kink scene is infinitely less likely than in vanilla land. So, this post is about how I might link those two worlds.

It occurred to me that dating someone vanilla or a submissive are very similar, because the foundation is always a man and a woman (being my preference). For both, I need to be a good human being, reliable, dependable, grounded, well-groomed, have a good personality and character and inspire feelings of safety and attraction in my date.

At the next level, me being at a certain age, I possess calmness, wisdom, experience, financial security, a non-reactive nature, and having lived a life I understand (mostly) a woman’s needs and can cope with her emotions and feelings sensitively and with emotional maturity. I imagine these to be universally good traits regardless of age as being volatile and reactive are likely to be undesirable.

So what does a Dominant add that is attractive to a partner that a vanilla rival may not, as this must be the key ingredient? My suggestion is that it is about his understanding and use of control and how desirable this may be to women in both camps.

I think this starts with self-control, something which I assume most Dominants have as they must first be master of themselves to be able to control another. Self-control is attractive and can be sensed and observed through many different actions or behaviours. On a primitive level, it demonstrates the man will be good in a crisis, unlikely to make rash decisions, not volatile and is very likely to be able to handle her emotionally when she needs that sold base to bring her back down. In short, she feels safe being with and around him. He can protect her should that proverbial tiger appear. She may naturally defer to him and enjoy looking up to him (metaphorically perhaps). I suspect this is still, despite the modern age and need for equality, something that is innate between men and women and therefore a nice way for them to feel together. He looks after her, takes the lead in the bedroom and just occasionally, rips her clothes off her and makes love to her against the nearest wall.

I feel I run the risk of angering many by trying to explaining a submissive's needs here. Forgive me for briefly genralising as I totally accept that each submissive is different and may wish for varying levels of control in different areas of her life. However, for the purposes of this thread, I will highlight what I think is the difference between the joy of vanilla control and that of our kink. For a submissive, a Dominant’s self-control and his ability to exert control over her, are both very statractive (when added to all the genric qualities listed above). It is that ‘extra’ element he is capable of that makes it a D/s relationship. She willingly wants to lose herself in his power over her. I will stop explaining now as I am sure others could explain what a submissive needs better than I.

So, the takeaway for me from this thought is that being authentic both in vanilla and kink dating has potential benefits. It may not always result in a catch, but if the right connections are made it could lead to something that is similar in the end, albeit the submissive will always be infinitely more desirable.

Is there any greater torture known to man?

If you are engaging with life, meaning going outside your front door to new places and talking to people outside your normal friends and family circles, you are going to have your fair share of bad times. You are going to feel things inside that you may not enjoy and experience the negative feelings of others that may upset you. That is life. But strip everything back to the person you were designed to be, the primitive you, and you start to see why this is a good thing.

When humans formed groups, for some it made sense to stay huddled inside the camp to feel safe, but these were the most vulnerable. They learned no skills for fighting off any dangers that threatened them. They relied on the warriors, those who were brave enough to wander outside the camp, learning to navigate the safe passages through the land, those who came into regular contact with all the dangers that existed and risked all in doing so. Some never came back. But those that did, brought back knowledge and wisdom. They used this to protect those without.

Every risk, every bruise, every spear we endure and survive makes us something more than we were, be that mentally, physically or intellectually. We gain perspective. We gain life skills that enable us to be safer the next time we venture outside the camp. The real risk is when we start to see our scars as negatives; as injuries that have compounded to make us weaker. If that is you, please stop.

A scar, any scar, is a medal, a badge of honour. You engaged with life, you went outside, you fought in a battle, and you won. If you are reading this, you won.

Use your knowledge and wisdom to help and protect those without those scars. They are far more vulnerable than you.

After being pestered by a headhunter recently promising me my unique skills are being sought by multiple companies (very flattering I am sure), and having no interest whatsoever in moving from my current position which ticks every possible box for me, I have sent said headhunter my CV with an additional section included:

Sexual Orientation: Male. Straight. Dominant.

I wonder if I will get any interview offers?

Finding a person who fits, shares and enjoys the same kink as us is something truly magical. Something that transcends a vanilla relationship is so many ways. It has inherent within it, a depth of trust and mutual understanding of each other at our core, such that few people can or do get to experience in the sepia world of normal existence. It is on another level entirely.

The mental connectivity required is unique. It involves not just consistent and considerate communication, but contains so many subtle thoughts, words and acts of creativity to make the dynamic live and thrive that the connection can be almost telepathic. It requires the deepest knowledge of the other’s desires, needs, dreams, tolerances, reactions, thought processes and triggers so that each can navigate safely through the minefield of human frailties to create something strong and unbreakable. It calls for no less because the power given and received is so absolute, the duty of care is also unlimited. In the right relationship with the right person, this connection is like looking into a mirror and seeing the other person embedded within yourself.

On a physical level, all our nerves and sensations dominate our perceptions. Every inch of skin is an erogenous zone when used correctly; our brains craving those signals, be they pleasure or pain as is our want, that make us lose ourselves in the moment and the other person. Drawing on a knowledge of each other so intimate that each can trigger desired impulses in the other effortlessly, creating a physical bond that leaves us destitute when it is absent or lost. Until once again we offer ourselves completely to the other without fear or doubt of giving and receiving all we need.

It is a glorious thing, but its very perfection makes it illusive. It cannot be found in every person or every encounter.

We all have our bespoke requirements and preferences as to what makes that perfect partner. There is a sea full of people floating, swimming, cutting through the swell trying to find a lifeboat and avoid the sharks. Finding each other is hard. It is the wrong face, the wrong body, the wrong age, the wrong location, the wrong introduction, the wrong exchange of words, or sometimes just the fear we all feel of letting go and braving the cold water to reach someone new.

I have known many people, know people now, who are still searching that ocean, ever hopeful that their inner desires and the gift of themselves they have to give another, will finally be released into the safe hands of that one person. I am no different. However, such is our chosen kink that we cannot offer it in diluted form or to just anyone. It is too personal, too intense, and too risky for such whimsical endeavours. Sharks sometimes pretend to be dolphins. We all possess a huge resource of wonderful passion and a capability of connection with another human being that is beyond most people’s comprehension.

I truly wish everyone finds this dream is not impossible.

Following a discussion with a good friend about how to meet the right partner for a committed relationship either in the world of vanilla or D/s, we settled on the following ingredients for potential success:

1.      Falling in love with your Dom/sub 24/7 – Perfection.

2.      A loving vanilla relationship with a mutual passion for D/s play in the bedroom – Satisfaction.

3.      A D/s relationship without love – Unfulfilling.

4.      A loving vanilla relationship without D/s – Doomed