I grew up struggling to read in school. I had a tutor that worked with me day in and day out at school until finally one day everything came together. After that day I read every book I could get my hands on. When I finished the kiddie books in our library at school I moved on to chapter books.
Reading became a joy and obsession. Yes, I was that child who hid under the covers with a flashlight just to finish a chapter I had been reading before bedtime.
Later on down the road when I turned thirteen mother nature made herself known. It was a few months after that , that my mom placed my very first romance novel in my hand. I of course thought it was just another book of adventure. Well it certainly was not. I flew back down the steps red faced and quite embarrassed. My mom laughed and told me the book was my birds and bees talk.
Now handing a child a romance novel is one way of having a birds and bees talk it certainly explained the process to me. However, I caution anyone else against doing the same for their kiddos, because that was the start of my obsession with finding true love. I wanted the impossible fairytales I was reading about. No one told me about the pain and heartache that would also come my way. I was so innocent and believed everything men told me, until one day I wasn't. My eyes got opened and perhaps for the first time, I saw the world as it was.
Somehow through it all I still stayed kind, but more aware. Yet, despite the heartache and the pain I went through my stubborn heart just keeps demanding the one thing I realized I would never have. I still torture myself reading romance novels obsessively day to day. Yet now I have a quiet understanding of contentment. Had you told me when I was younger I would most likely never find my soulmate I would have cried and screamed and told you that was a lie. Now I simply smile and say that's OK, I'm happy with what I have been blessed with.
Don't get me wrong there is still that undying hope that someday he will magically walk in my life, and sometimes while I'm at work I fantasize about him walking in the door seeing me and sweeping me off my feet carrying me away to live happily every after, but deep down I know it's one in a million that actually find true love.
How did I get to my state of content? Life lessons, and experience. I have only recently gotten like this in the past two years. Before I was a hot mess, lord was I. Meditation, self reflection, taking in those around me and really seeing the world and all its beauty and pain made me realize that a person can be happy with just themselves. They just have to embrace what they are given and find contentment in the small things.
I'm not perfect by any means, there are still days I open a romance novel and close it right back because a reality without true love can be hard to think about sometimes, but I'm quick to get over it and go right back to it. Life is full of surprises and chance. You never know someday my prince might come, regardless of the time I get with him, I will be content and happy just knowing I got him, and if not.....well in my next life I will just have to try again won't I?
Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog, and good luck to all of you in your own quests for love.
SomonesSoulmate
