Hello everyone! I'm new here, and want to talk about something very special to me, and because my fetish and submissive nature is such an intricate part of who I am as a person, this is also my introduction.
I'm a male, submissive, in my 30's. I'm a Buddhist, which I'm sure you'll find funny and ironic. I, as a Buddhist, am allowed to have sex as a "lay person". This means I'm just an ordinary Buddhist and not an ordained monk, which are forbidden from carnal pleasure. You see, my sexual fetishism is a huge part of who I am, and so is my religion.
I theorize that my natural inclination to be submissive and my natural inclination to become a Buddhist are connected. In Buddhism, we're taught to submit. Submit to the divine, submit to nature, submit to the flow of things and don't fight it. I think my desire to be controlled, punished, and dominated is an expression of my soul to want to submit to God, which sounds crazy maybe, but I think some of you will understand it.
Now, to the meat of what I really want to talk about. Begging. I am obsessed with and absolutely love it. At first I didn't. My Master made me beg, and it was painful and rarely pleasurable for a long time, I hated it. Then, I gradually warmed up to it. Then, it's all I ever want to do, lol. Begging gives me a certain feeling. I don't know exactly how to describe it, it's like pain and pleasure, humiliation, tension and release, all at the same time. For me it's the ultimate submission, it makes me feel like a helpless little bitch, and that's exactly how I always want to feel.
Of course, simply begging doesn't always produce that feeling. But, under the right circumstances, when I really want something but can't have it, I only want to beg and say "please". You see, I've done a lot of thinking and a lot of experimentation with this, and I have it down to a science. I know why I beg, and I know how to produce this feeling inside of me, and so does my master.
Here's the secret. I want to warn you, I am giving you Pandora's box. Once you open it and learn this information, it can change you in a way that could turn you into a little bitch, and you can't unknow it. You've been warned.
It's all in the word "please". The wiki-dictionary tells me that the word derived from "if you please". So when you tell your master "please spank me", you're neither asking them nor commanding, you're saying "spank me, if it pleases you". It's the ultimate submissive statement. It really is the magic word.
It's all encapsulated in that word. When you get desperate enough, you say it. Your wife is leaving you? No, please don't go! You say it when you want something so bad that you're willing to give up your dignity. It is the raw power of desire itself, that word. The feeling I have when I genuinely say it and mean it is better than an orgasm to me.
One time I had an experience while begging, it was one of the first times I realized what "please" is, and it was intense. I begged so hard, and meant it so much, that I almost started crying and I felt my bladder almost lose control and I almost pissed myself. It lasted about 10 seconds, intensity on par with an orgasm. I haven't reached that level of intensity since then, like ecstasy they say the first time is the best. But that has become my top fantasy, to say please so hard and so real that it makes me start spontaneously crying and pissing myself, ideally in public and in front of a lot of people.
Ever since that happened, I realized that "feeling", and it's hard to explain, but since I felt the feeling so strongly, I started noticing that feeling happening inside of my mind, even without me begging out loud. Like giving a "detection dog" a smell and having him locate it, I got the scent, and I started smelling it everywhere. I realize that I "micro-beg", and I get that feeling in miniscule ways, and I love it.
Let me try to explain. It's like when you click a link, and your browser doesn't go to it, so you try to click it again, it makes you feel a certain kind of anticipation and frustration, right? That's a please. It's like when you call someone about something really important, and you really need them to answer, and the phone rings like four times and you sort of have this feeling of needing it, and think you might not get it. You might even say "please" out loud in your mind. The key is that you don't get what you want, but you might can still get it. If you knew you couldn't get it, you wouldn't beg for it, so there has to be a chance.
Once you find the connection between the word "please" and that wonderful painful pleasure associated with it, you'll notice it everywhere. Religiously, Buddha said all things are desire. Our world is built around desire to keep us trapped in it, so things are naturally constructed in a way to arouse desire in us, so when you find the link between begging and desire, you open Pandora's box, and you realize that you are constantly begging. It's something I can't unlearn, a door opened that won't close - and it's made an even littler bitch because of it, and I'm glad because I love feeling like a pathetic bitch.
