Developing a new mindset

intenseoldman​(dom male) - A sub/slave communicating totally outside of my control with her therapist I don't think is the issue... the issue would be her not being able to be totally transparent with me. I need to know everything, and if there is something she can only share with her therapist, then I wonder how deep and how real is our connection. I would be patient. I understand processing something with someone she trusts with whom she has no expectations to be or not to be... but with the goal of being able to share that part of herself with the one to whom she's vowed to hide nothing. That would be my only caveat... that being able to give that part of herself to me be her goal.

Inkling - Okay, maybe I have the wrong perspective. The issue would be if the sub/slave couldn't open up everything because their Dom/Master wanted to be the only one the sub/slave could completely open up to.
Thanks for the comment!

intenseoldman​(dom male) - "Wanted to be"... you either are or you aren't. If you aren't, then work on what you want to be with your sub/slave, but don't let her suffer because of what you want to be , but aren't... yet. We are all here to and should want to evolve.

labyrinth​(switch male) - The couple therapy would be a complete necessity. I do not see why complete honest with both your therapist and dominant would be a problem. If anything, a responsible dominant would support the same amount of honest with a fully accredited therapist trusted by both you and your dom. Receiving therapy together and separately not only brings forth more insights, but acts as a sanity check for the dom/sub dynamic. It may seem silly that I used my calculator to be sure 3 divided by 2 was 1.5 during my calculus exam, but then again, I got an A.

Inkling - So, you're saying the Dom should be at least partly involved in the therapy? The tricky part about going to a couple's therapist first is if the sub has needs that therapist wasn't trained in. I don't know if the training a couple's counselor goes through also covers specific mental health things.

fluffypoppet​(sub female){Protected} - For most Doms I’ve encountered one of the big rules is safety first. Therapy falls under the umbrella of well-being and good health for me… it isn’t a suspension of rules… it IS the rule.

Perhaps a kink experienced therapist would be helpful in navigating this specific scenario where a Dom wants what you’ve described.

Generally, I think opening up to a therapist may help a sub more clearly articulate thoughts and feelings with their Dom as it allows for additional processing. It wouldn’t necessarily be the case that a sub isn’t opening up to their Dom. Sometimes processing helps navigate one’s thoughts and feelings so you can be more open with your Dom and more equipped to respond to a Dom’s needs as well as attend your own thoughts and feelings.

Looking forward to other perspectives on this one. Great topic.

Inkling - I'm getting the impression that a Dom who restricts therapy or any other self-care because of the brief moment the sub's priority isn't their Master isn't a Dom worth keeping. In therapy, you need to prioritize yourself, at least in my experience. Based on the responses I'm getting, it seems fairly normal for this to happen. I'm just pretty new and haven't heard anything about this before!

fluffypoppet​(sub female){Protected} - You are asking good questions.
Perhaps, a Dom who doesn't permit therapy or self-care is a poor fit for a sub who needs those things. Perhaps a sub exists that would be a better fit and not require those things... but, I'm being generous. A Dom who doesn't prioritize the well-being of his sub is not my idea of a good Dom.

This conversation perhaps lends itself to discussing lifestyle philosophies like SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) or PRICK (Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink) or RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). I think for me, mental clarity is important to be capable of offering consent. Is it unwise for a dom to accept "consent" from someone struggling a mental health crisis without professional support? Seems like a really good way to get in real bad trouble.

Inkling - It's also unfair to the Dom to have to shoulder responsibilities they're not trained for. I certainly don't envy someone who's trying to make that kind of nebulous call.

Jack in the box -
The girls I've mentored eventually quit going to their therapist, not because I ever had a problem with it - but because they felt safe with me and no longer felt they needed the therapist.
Butt ☝️
I will be the first person to say "that's beyond me, seek professional help".
There's that aspect to consider.
I've gone to therapy myself and never heard the words "ok, you're all cured, have a good life" that's the problem I have with the therapeutic industry in general. When is it truly needed and when is it just a rope you're afraid to let go of?
Others have brought up good points here and I too look forward to seeing the responses.
Great post young lady, thank you
🙂🙏🌹

Inkling - That's good to hear!
This is a side discussion, but the client decides when the therapy is done. Ideally, they've gained enough tools during their time with the therapist to be able to determine on their own if they feel confident enough to handle new challenges.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) - The same way you include your automotive mechanic or dentist really. When it's required, schedule the appointment and go. If you want company or involvement, invite your partner. But it isn't a requirement.

The dynamic should be a safe location for all parties. If I'm with someone who requires outside professional assistance (whether it's psychological counseling, dental hygiene or an automotive tune-up) its definitively my responsibility to provide the safe environment that supports and allows my partner to feel inclined to seek support. I don't need to know some details unless they wish to offer it.

If they do feel safe, they may provide any information that helps them overcome their obstacles and adversities and I'm supportive of any dialogue in a nonjudgmental environment. But it isn't required that I hear details as long as they are seeking the support they need. I don't need to know their car needs a new carburetor or they need a root canal. Wait - I do need to know if they need a root canal - because perhaps we need to address their proper flossing and oral hygiene. Hmmm.

Back on point . . .

Some "Dominants" feel like they aren't truly the "Dominant" unless they control everything. Silly nonsense. Even if they are trained psychologists, psychiatrists or other mental health professional, they shouldn't be treating their partner and as such should allow the submissive to attend to their health needs without interfering and if this requires the professional support to exist outside the dynamic, so be it.

Inkling - I think this should be framed and quoted in every "how to be safe in bdsm" article. Thank you!

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){I Guess } - I’m in a dynamic, I’m in weekly therapy on my own, and I’m also a mental health professional. I can’t claim the title of kink aware therapist until I get my clinical license which takes an additional 3 years and doing the required training. I can claim kink aware professional once I’ve had that training.

A couple of things, it’s problematic for the D to demand knowing what is talked about in therapy. That would be a significant red flag because it is detrimental to the therapy process that begins, ends, and is constantly monitored by confidentiality. Second to confidentiality comes informed consent, which is where we tell you if you express wanting to harm yourself or others we have to report it and a few other things.
That doesn’t go for the client, they aren’t required to maintain confidentiality so if the sub wants to talk about it with the D then they should. However, being forced, or guilt tripped to share what goes on in therapy would remove the sub’s feelings of safety and therapy isn’t going to help a whole bunch.

Therapy does not have to be about fixing you, that’s a common misconception. I do talk therapy, we have no goals or agenda and we just talk about whatever comes up so I have a place to unload. Sometimes I unload about Daddy, and I feel better equipped to deal with whatever it was that was bothering me. I describe talk therapy as being able to talk to you best friend about anything and everything while knowing you won’t be judged and they can never say anything to anyone about it (within the limits of mandated reporting) If the D is worried about being reported for abuse, then you both should read about and discuss the local laws with your therapist, because a lot of what we do is abusive.

Every therapist has their own style and favorite treatment methods, and we are trained in the basics of most methods while working on our masters degree. When you’re in the field and you’ve had a chance to figure out what you like, then you can choose to further educate yourself and become an expert in the area. So, it may take multiple attempts to find a therapist who suits your needs.

Inkling - Thanks for taking the time to be a kink aware therapist! I can only imagine the look on my old therapist's face if I brought up my kink stuff to her now XD