Some helpful tips for new Dominants... Part 3
11. Don’t measure yourself against others...
You have to develop your own style. You have to figure out what makes you tick and why. Don’t do things just because someone else is doing them or it seems cool. Or even because the hot little potential sub is really begging for it. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. People are best at what truly inspires them. Not because of what is cool and hip at the moment. While, like high school, there is peer pressure in the BDSM scene/lifestyle, you have the choice as to whether or not you cave in to it, or will you blaze your own path.
12. Keep an open mind...
There are probably lots of things that as a new person you do not like. But the likelihood that in 2 or 3 or 10 years you will totally be into some of those things is quite high. But only if you keep an open mind, and continue to learn about new things. So be sure to try out and learn about different things constantly. You never know what turns you off today will totally rock your socks tomorrow. So keep an open eye and an open mind. It will work to your benefit in the long run.
13. Be sure to always question yourself..
A Dominant who doesn’t question themselves isn’t much of a Dominant. One of the tricks to being a good Dominant (if you are interested in such a thing) is going back to look at and re-examining your actions as a Dominant. Figure out what you did and why you did it. The answers will not always come easy and they may not always be pleasant. But self-awareness and introspection are two crucial tools in a Dominants play box. Use them well and use them often. And you will find that the more often you question yourself, the less often that anybody else might want to.
14. You can’t learn everything on the internet...
The Internet will NOT teach you how to be a good Dominant. It will barely teach you how to be a good Top. The Internet is filled with tons of really good information. However it’s filled with a bunch of stupid shit too. Unfortunately, it is nearly impossible for someone that is new and inexperienced to sort out the differences.You cannot teach yourself everything. This is a common misconception. Because it's actually common sense when you think about it. How can you teach yourself something you don’t know? Again, the answer is you can't, but what you can do is seek out others who are experienced. And if you are so inclined, find a mentor. If you don’t want to find a mentor, establish your own “tribe” (i.e., group of friends). Use them as a sounding board and an advice corner. Get information from as many different people as you can, then make it your own. Do not rely on sites like FetLife for your information. There is a lot more to this stuff than will ever appear on Fet.
15. Be honest about your experience...
If you’ve been involved in BDSM for 10 years, but 9 of those years have been online, be honest about that. Don’t lie about parties, clubs, dungeons, or events. Be honest about your experience, or lack thereof. You will gain more respect from others that way and it will also accelerate your ability to learn. It will also potentially draw the more experienced to you if you don’t pretend that you know everything already. One thing about the lifestyle is usually, a honest and experienced person, Dom or sub, can smell bullshit a mile away. And they will want nothing to do with anything that smells that bad.
