BDSM & Autism

I don't recommend laughing at your partner while they bring up something that is bothering them. It's not something I would typically do in a relationship. Yet, I did exactly that.
My laughing naturally made my ex angry, and I unnaturally did not care. But we'd already recently crossed a line I hadn't realized yet. I didn't yet understand the feeling that had bubbled up inside me and eventually erupted as laughter.
I was not yet familiar with the feeling that would come to settle next to my soul. The feeling I still have, and I think I'll happily have forever.
The comforting feeling of knowing my boundaries would never again be trampled on repeatedly by one person.
On the first anniversary of my brother's death, it was also Easter. I faked it, kept it together all day, only to finally be given the cold shoulder and silent treatment, in my own home, that I completely paid for alone.
And something inside me just shattered. Not in a bad way. It was the last little glass rod of tolerance for bullshit I was protecting up until that point. It was that last little fragile bit of fear of being alone.
I had no urge to tell anyone my side. I had no urge to keep reliving the bits I was put through in the relationship. I was just over it. Like a switch had been flipped and was now stuck in that position.
How did it become so easy to cut people out of my life? I used to fight for them until my hands bled. It was a vicious cycle I couldn't figure out how to get out of. How did this happen?
Life drop kicked me and I hit rock bottom. My brother was dead. I was entirely alone in a state without any family in the middle of trying to deal with the grief of his death. Going home wasn't an option with all the trauma I am *still* dealing with.
I felt more alone than I had ever felt in my life, and believe me, that is saying something.
Somehow through it all, I still believed my life was magic. I'd witnessed amazing and unbelievable things happen to me and around me. Some were horrid and heart breaking, but some...some took my breath away in the most amazing ways. I have power. I've always had power. Power to change my surroundings. Power to change myself. I had a say in my life.
I want you to talk about yourself. I want you to tell other people how amazing you are when you forget. Tell them your accomplishments and tell them all the things you survived. Tell them your hopes and your dreams, and pay attention to how YOU feel when talking about yourself.
Forget for a moment that society tells us it's selfish to talk about ourselves. So often we forget how awesome we really are because we think that not being selfish overlaps with not celebrating ourselves. You don't need an occasion to celebrate yourself. You celebrate yourself every time you choose not to let someone walk over your boundaries. Every time you choose you, every time you make a decision that's true to YOU. Every little step in the direction of getting to who you are, you celebrate yourself.
When you celebrate yourself daily, I guess it becomes easy to not tolerate anything less than you deserve.