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Releasing What’s Inside

I’ve never written a blog before. Giving it a shot.
2 weeks ago. Sun 25 Nov 2018 08:47:38 PM IST

Dressed and ready to go. Now...some music for the road...

 

 

 

Hope you all enjoy the songs. Have an awesome day! 

 

XOXO,

Missub

💖🌺💓🌸💗

1 month ago. Thu 08 Nov 2018 03:45:08 AM IST

How am I supposed to survive an entire week when I barely made it through this day?!?! 😢😢😢😢😢💔💔💔💔💔💔

1 month ago. Sun 14 Oct 2018 06:57:17 PM IDT

When you pray for what you want and your prayers get answered with what you NEED...

Sometimes the clarity we ask for is not what we expect to get. 

2 months ago. Thu 27 Sep 2018 08:12:21 PM IDT

So...I tell You “I love You”...and I tell You often. In fact, I tell You so often that sometimes I wonder if You ever think I’m saying it out of habit. I wonder if You ever roll Your eyes and think to Yourself, “There she goes again. How many more times is she going to continue to say it?” Lol! 

Well, I want to tell You that I always mean every word of I-LOVE-YOU...every single time I say it. From the first “I love you” of the day to the very last one...I always say it (and mean it) with every breath I take, every beat of my heart, every cell in my body. I will never tire of saying those three magical words to You because they are real and true!!

 I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE!!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

 

Thank you to all those who have taken the time to read my thoughts and feelings. May your day be filled with lots of love, laughter, hugs, and kisses!! 💞😃🤗💋

 

XOXO,

Missub

💖🌼💗🌺

2 months ago. Mon 24 Sep 2018 03:00:11 AM IDT

No...not those three words. 

I’m talking about another set of three words that most people don’t understand the power they hold. Or maybe they do but don't care if they misuse it.

”I’ll call back!”

Three simple words that have the power to immobilize someone until they receive that call back. It’s a promise of good (or maybe not so good) things to come. A small promise (maybe not so small to some). But a promise after all. 

I cherish every call. Every text. Every form of contact we have. Whether we are doing good or bad or trying to figure it out. I look forward to hearing from You ALWAYS! So, when You tell me You will call me back...know that you stop me in my tracks (mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically) until I hear from You again. My brain stops functioning the way it should because it gets consumed with the thought (the small promise) of You calling me back. I lose my breath. My heart beats too fast from panic. My anxiety goes out of control. 

But...well...the thing is...

I’m still waiting for that small promise...those three words you spoke to me last week. Then you text me, “Tomorrow for sure”. That was two days ago. I’m still waiting for “tomorrow”. Is tomorrow ever going to come? Or will You continue to keep me in the dark and only feed me “small talk” texts here and there? I love You! I miss You! I miss Your voice! I NEED to hear You!! 

Honesty always, right? Always the truth, right? Say what you mean and mean what you say, right? Then why do I find myself waiting for days for You to call me back??

 

So...I say to all of you out there...

If ever you tell anyone you will call them back...keep your promise. Because you never know how exciting it is for the person on the other side. You never know how much that call back means to them. But if you know you’re not going to call back...then I beg you all not to say those three words. Broken promises are damaging to the person that holds you dear to them.

Thank you to those who took the time to read my words. I hope you all have a wonderful evening or morning or afternoon. 

XOXO,

Missub

💖💐💗

2 months ago. Sun 23 Sep 2018 06:28:17 AM IDT

It’s when you your boss hands you a copy of the Task List in the weekly meeting (even though your job has nothing to do with anyone else’s but he wants you to feel included).


It’s when someone (no one you’re close to at all) comes back from vacation and brings you back a little trinket because they thought of you. 


It’s when someone shares their sub (sandwich) with you and you notice they asked for black olives because they know you like them (and you know they don’t).  


It’s when you’re having a horrible day and someone comes back from lunch and got you a light up snowman to “brighten” your day. 

 

It’s when you get a random text from someone special to you and totally makes your day. 


It’s all those little things that we all remember and appreciate most. Thank you to all who have ever made my day and put a smile on my face (and in my heart) with “the little things” in life. 


XOXO, 

Missub💖💗

2 months ago. Wed 19 Sep 2018 01:25:53 PM IDT

My heart...it’s this thing that...

Pretends to be strong...

Does everything for the sake of others...

Always put everyone first...

Doesn’t know how to be selfish...

Gives without expecting anything in return...

Looks for the good in everyone...

Believes there’s always a silver lining...

Loves with all its love...

Beats for all it loves...

Smiles when it is loved.

But...

It’s been hurt...

It’s been used...

It’s been lied to...

It’s been betrayed...

It’s been abused...

It’s been taken advantage of.

Promises have been made but broken...

Words have been spoken but were lies...

Hope has been given but then crushed.

And...

Through it all...

It kept believing...

It kept hoping...

It kept forgiving...

It kept loving...

It got a bit cracked but not broken. 

But...now...

It’s lost...

It’s hurting...

It’s in pain...

It’s crying...

It’s broken...

It's trying to hold on...

It feels incomplete...

Most of all...it’s so weak. 

😢💔😢💔😢💔😢💔

2 months ago. Thu 13 Sep 2018 04:16:44 AM IDT

It’s been quite a while since I’ve shared my thoughts, emotions, and feelings. I’ve started a few times and then end up deleting it. For many reasons. Fear is the main one. But I will fear no more. 

I started this journey at the beginning of the year. I have had the opportunity to meet all kinds of people. I’ve been lucky enough to have made a true friend. A friendship I cherish and appreciate very much. She is someone special to me. You know who you are...I love you lots!! Thank you so very much for being YOU! 😘💖💗

I was also fortunate to have met someone whom I love and adore. He is who I have given myself to completely. I can’t fathom a future or life without Him. When we finally had our weekend together...well...my love for Him only got deeper and stronger. We’ve made it through distance. We’ve made it through misunderstandings. We’ve made it through haters. We’ve made it through time. But...can we make it through this?? My heart and soul want to believe we can make it through anything. 

However, my confidence grows weaker with each passing day. My mental and emotional pain and suffering is amounting to such a level like none I’ve ever experienced in my life. I am feeling defeated and utterly helpless. I ask myself...how much more of this can I take?? But I don’t have an answer because I don’t know. I just know that this is destroying me! I’m going crazy! 

As I wait for Him to react...I am pray that I can make it. All the love He made me feel has somehow been replaced with coldness and non-emotional responses. He tells me He still loves me...He still wants me...He doesn’t want me to leave Him. He tells me many things. But what He shows me...how He treats me...is so completely opposite. It’s driving me insane! Does He care? He says He does. But does nothing to make it better. Is He enjoying this? He says He isn’t. But doesn’t do anything to fix things. Is He punishing me? No is His answer. But still He does nothing. 

I have told Him in many different ways how He is making me feel. He knows what I’m going through. I have tried to make Him understand that His treatment is tearing down. He knows. He knows everything I’m feeling and thinking. I have apologized for all I’ve ever said or done wrong. I have assured Him of my complete submission to Him. I have bared my soul to Him. I have hidden nothing from Him. 

So, I don’t know what else I can do. I don’t know that there is anything else I can do. He has all the power. It is all up to Him now. Will He love me or leave me?? I pray He will love me!!

This has been the hardest blog I’ve ever written. The most painful and tearful. I share with you a piece of my soul. Thank you to all who taken the time to read my words. I hope all of you have a wonderful morning or afternoon or evening (depending on where you live). 

XOXO, 

Missub

3 months ago. Thu 23 Aug 2018 06:01:29 AM IDT

It’s here!! It’s finally here!! I am Yours and Yours alone!! 💜💞🧡💓💛💗💚💖💙💕❤️

6 months ago. Tue 15 May 2018 11:15:45 PM IDT

My mind...haven’t been able to put together a coherent sentence!!