The Culture that has been here all the time

Yes, I have written in the past things about my wife and about my being kinky, all that reflects my experience and knowledge previous to understanding and knowing about BDSM, and specifically Dominant and submissive.

Hindsight is 20/20 for sure.

Without a doubt, my wife was a classic submissive woman. That doesn't mean she didn't teach me how to be her lover, or rather her kinky lover. She had. Dom sub or switch, we had great sex for two major reasons: 1. I was willing to learn, and 2. she was willing to teach.

Yes, another subtle if not explicit complaint we are no longer lovers because of her ADA, I carefully tested the situation and confirmed that this is our reality, much to my disappointment.

With my libido intact and my doctors telling me a healthy life includes regular sex and that it is a factor in longevity, especially for men is of great concern for me.

I am in no hurry to become a vegetable that is not my goal.

PEOPLE ASK

Do sexually active men live longer?
 
Furthermore, their research showed that men in good or excellent health participated in regular sexual activity lived an extra five to seven years, and women in substantially good health lived three to six years longer.

I think I know why. Without quality sex in a loving relationship, there is no point in living, is there?

pixabay.com image.

Yes, dementia destroys the person with it, but it also destroys everyone around them, usually as well. I write often about having my wife severely affected by Alzheimer's Dementia and Aphasia (early onset like Bruce Willis). I even wrote about moving from NJ to PA because family members told me they would help care for her, but they abandoned helping me in less than two months.

I attempted to explain this: I honor my commitment to care for my wife, and my caring alone began in 2017. Some of you empathize with me, not having a complete wife-husband relationship, some of you seem to believe that that is my problem to deal with (and it is). Not having friends to socialize with in this quaint, nice town with many positive attributes is like living on Mars with my wife, and we only take our spaceship out to go to healthcare. Groceries and supplies are brought to us with the supply ship from Earth about once a week. I experienced something last night disturbing; actually, two things.

1. I had a very difficult time getting her upstairs to wash and change her and into bed. And.

2. I enjoy many British television programs before I go to bed, and the one I have been watching lately is especially good: Bloodlands. Excellent story, mystery, suspense, and acting.

WHEN MY WIFE WAS NORMAL, WE WOULD TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS TV SHOW, BUT SHE IS OBLIVIOUS TO THEM NOW, AND I FEEL MORE ALONE THAN EVER. So yes, no intimacy is not good, but something as simple as discussing a TV show somehow seems even worse.

Link to the show: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloodlands_(TV_series)

One day in 1962, I became aware of war, politics, hungry people, homeless people, and government leaders (politics). Ever since, I have been expecting change for good. Sometimes a little good seeps into reality, but then a tsunami of evil washes it all away. I am still waiting for good to prevail.

Still Waiting.

Maybe in the early days of internet dating, people met and became friends and lovers. I don't even want to guess how many. But nowadays a days would guess at least 90% of online dating and meeting is fake. Scriped scammers or even AI bots. In my book, it has become hopeless even to meet a friend, let alone a real lover. It may seem too technical for some people, but I was hoping to have a woman friend who could ease the stress of seeing my wife gradually disappear as I care for her.

A FWB would be healthy since doctors told me having sex is beneficial and would extend my life, and caregiving has the opposite effect. I am not looking for a woman to replace my wife. A new friend and lover would be part of a new life. A life I would be hoping for in the future.

https://news.cuanschutz.edu/news-stories/can-finding-love-later-in-life-contribute-to-health#:~:text=Love%20in%20any%20way%20contributes,provide%20a%20bevy%20of%20benefits.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/strengthen-relationships-for-longer-healthier-life#:~:text=Scientists%20are%20investigating%20the%20biological,and%20friends%20with%20poorer%20health.

This Terrifies Me: I fear that at my age, with an intact libido but a wife who no longer can have sex and may not even know who I am, and that we are married, I may never have a woman who would want to make love with me. I stay home and care for her without a chance to socialize, so it seems this situation has doomed any chance for a lover.

It is good to know what enhances sexual pleasure men and women enjoy; from this statement, it is not a mysterious thing nor esoteric knowledge.

"The human clitoris contains an average of 10,281 nerve fibers,

while the dorsal nerve of the penis (which innervates the glans) has an average of 8,290 axons. "

I would like to test out this knowledge one day for myself.

https://vivianbaruch.com/vivian-baruch-relationship-coach-counsellor-accredited-sex-therapist-clinical-supervisor/free-stuff-3/toolkit/marty-klein/anatomy-of-the-clitoris-and-the-penis/

One of the reflections I find the one that often creeps into my mind is this: I wonder if my wife is bisexual?

Through the decades, there were hard economic times when I needed to drive long ways to work and work up to 70 hours and even seven days a week sometimes; I know at times my wife must have felt neglected not deliberately but my long hours (and one job away every other day) at times a victim of fatigue it now seems it was no wonder she had a girlfriend who spent more time with her than I could. They went places since the kids were older then and they shared caring for her friend's horse, and her friend had a beach house they went to. When things improved, I stepped up my performance schedule as a singer-songwriter, which was also a strain, and that didn't help, but they both would come to my performances.

I found her watching online porn and I didn't think too much about it.

I am paying for the neglect now caused by her illness, and I lament wishing I had been better at balancing her needs with mine.

Note, however, the time we took to make love was excellent, no complaints.

Jim.

My wife is in good physical condition. She could use a few more pounds and I do my best to feed her hoping she will gain some weight. I take complete care of her including bathing so I am constantly reminded we were lovers for decades. She will give me a hug and a kiss now and then but it is beyond strange that we can not make love. Dementia destroyed her and me.

Jim

Being tired has come to have more than two meanings for me. I often think I am tired. If I work hard or too long, my body grows tired. My string of days seems to go on Tempus Perpetuum. That is, the eternal protocol in caregiving is only broken by an occasional fall, or, as just happened, she dumped her breakfast on the floor.

I am so tired in oh so many ways.

Living with a person I've known for 45 years but now drastically affected by dementia I don't know what is real anymore. I know our relationship has been drastically altered and I must do almost everything for her. There are very odd moments however: I say I love you often to her and every now and then she will say I love you back usually distorted by her aphasia. Then now and then she will hug and kiss me but doesn't ever call me by my name and when I ask her if we are married she says no 99 times out of a hundred. Some life huh?

Jim