The Culture that has been here all the time

When I was a young man and probably into middle age, the desire for sex outweighed other aspects of a relationship. What was an eye-opener for me was just how many young women seemed to prioritise sexual encounters. The thought was that women peaked in their early thirties and men in their late teens and early twenties.

My experience suggests sex is and was always a priority for both sexes, male and female. Romantic love was present, but it wasn't as dominant as I had thought.

Reaching older years, neither men nor women in good health seem to decline that much with their sexual desires, though their preferences and interactions are both more direct yet subtle at the same time.

I suspect we humans do not abandon aspects of sexual interest unless we are very ill or have expired.

On my TV, a program popped up that featured music videos from the 80s. I began to watch one after the other, and I steadily sank deeper into melancholy quicksand. Those days were filled with challenges and successes, broken hearts, aches, and missed opportunities, which echoed in my mind. Devo's "Whip It," I Think I'm Turning Japanese, "Video Killed the Radio Star," "Everyone Wants to Rule the World," and "I Love Rock'n'Roll" were among the songs that made me so sad. 

I glanced at my wife sleeping on the sofa, knowing her mind can not recall these songs and the times we walked on a beach or a boardwalk, maybe took a winter ride as songs played. Hanging on the wall, my guitars are silent now. Recordings and photos were tucked away as if on another planet. All this caused an ache in my heart that refuses to go away. 

Yes, the big mistake is that I watched and listened, and now I wrestle with all these memories alone in the dark, with a slim chance I will ever find happiness once more.

Listen, guys, meds can help with erectile dysfunction, but a plastic bottle can't get you a lover. The next best tip is that antidepressants can reduce your libido, so you're not stressed about the lack of a lover.

Take it from me, end the self-torment and choose to end your sexual desire; it is a good move. Talk to your doctor. Pixabay image.  BTW, if you can pay for a lover and support her as a partner, ignore this message.

Over the last three years, I made an effort to meet a woman who would consider being my companion, as my wife is so ill she is either in bed or a wheelchair, and lost her memory, has aphasia, and Alzheimer's. Even to have a woman who can interact on a normal level for an hour or two, sharing and doing things, skipping sex if that is what she wants, that's fine. But no deal; no interested ladies. The biggest surprise? Some dating, meeting, and hookup sites claim to introduce me to local women only attempt to connect me with ladies hundreds of miles away. My profile is clear about who I am, what I do, and where I am, but I don't believe most people, or even any, read my profile before sending me a message.

Yes, these are indeed dismal times.

I now realize that life can be divided into chapters: childhood, puberty with confusing expectations, young adulthood with a mysterious mix of optimism and pessimism, midlife with the realization of what has passed and fewer future options, and a period of being old (varies by the individual), waiting for the ending. A life filled with only challenges and negatives forces me into the dark corner that I now inhabit.

What's left? A walk in a garden and a few moments with a pet. Yes, that seems to be all there is. pixabay.com

Time passes, whether we like it or not, and it is now time for me to spend time with the widows and widowers at the senior center when I can afford an aide to watch my wife. pixabay.com

How do some people carry on? Get knocked down and repeatedly get up? Want to give up, but don't?

My wife is tough and keeps going through her disease.

I get up each morning ready to surrender to the Universe, but find my wife still here, and I forge ahead as usual.

We must thank our ancestors for passing on the genes that have given us these strengths. Reviewing the areas in Europe from where our ancestors came, I get a sense of this. Even during the Great Wars of the twentieth century, many family members were part of the greatest generation who, some say, saved Western Civilization.

Another day and my wife and I are still here, though the peaceful era of recent history must have spoiled our children; they can not even bear to see my wife in her condition, let alone help.

Maybe schools deny the horrors of the twentieth century. Sadly, there are places in the world still experiencing the worst that humans can inflict on others. Pixabay image. Where have all the flowers gone?

Since 2017, I have been my wife's only caregiver as she steadily became more afflicted by dementia and associated maladies. Still, I recently turned 78 (she is 70), and I realized a stark truth: The day when I will need someone to be my caregiver is probably not far off, and there are absolutely no candidates to step up for the task. Like the old man in a movie, I do not accept living in any facility as it is not for me.

SEE: Longmire episode "Burned Up My Tears," the fifth episode of the sixth season, the retired sheriff, Lucian Connally

If you are a long-time reader of my blog, you are familiar with my life, successes, and failures. When I became my wife's long-term solo caregiver in 2017, it didn't take long for her to become asexual. I tried many ways to have a lover, all but one attempt failed, and it ended too soon. 

What did I learned about BDSM?

At best, I am a switch and was duped into a scam that supposedly trained me to be a master for a price (money). I have always had a kinky side, and both my wife and I were fond of sex. I still am if I only had a lover. My wife, when she was well, was undoubtedly submissive, yet taught me things I was not aware of.

My new plan? I have to pay for an aide to watch my wife so she can stay safe while I attend the senior citizen center organization in town, maybe twice a month. Why? I have no social life, and perhaps I will meet a woman whom I like, and she will like me too. All my online acquaintances proved to be fake. I believe some deception, and the longer I chat with them, the more money I have to spend to continue. They claim they need and want a lover, but never even visit for a chat on my porch.

Having a libido at 78 for me is a curse, not a blessing. pixabay.com

Many of you may know I watch a lot of British TV on Acorn and BritBox, the plots and characters intrigue me, and the endings often surprise me. One theme that weaves its way through many stories is the identity of the biological parents of a particular character. Sometimes it is a relative, sometimes a coworker, or even an in vitro fertilization doctor. I just read a story in Newsweek that explains a father learned he did not sire his two children. The story doesn't clarify whether it was a deliberate act by the mother or not. It did upset his world.

In real life, this happens, and it can create a mess, especially when an inheritance is involved. The other side of the coin? If a parent is not fertile or if parents are attempting to seek specific hereditary results for their offspring.

In the ancient past, this was probably not as important as the continuation of a family, clan, or tribe (or even a species). In this old man's opinion, the truth should always be shared with the child. My son's marriage to an adopted woman broke apart when her parents revealed to her that she was adopted.

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