The Culture that has been here all the time

A way older people can have a safe and affordable life:

"Two single adults receiving Social Security can live together in PA without losing benefits, provided they maintain separate financial responsibility for their housing costs. For Supplemental Security Income (SSI) recipients, paying a fair share of rent and food is crucial to avoid "in-kind support" reductions.  Social Security Administration (.gov) +2"

Apply to the Shared Housing and Resource Exchange (SHARE) Program | Commonwealth of Pennsylvania

Politicians collect favors; some men collect conquests of women; some women collect conquests of men; and greedy businessmen acquire companies. I collected CDs, rocks, books, and a few guitars. Some may say I collected wives, having been married three times, but my late wife and I were together for 41 years. Since she passed, I struggle to find my place on Earth now.

For most of my life, I overcompensated for my weak ability to socialize and to trust. Becoming a singer-songwriter was my great mask. Now I know how to go through the motions, but I am unsure if I can trust people. The only person I truly trusted was my late wife, and that was from the first moment we met, despite both of us having less-than-perfect lives before then.

Religious people, some family members, and some who claimed to be friends only served to feed my insecurity when they failed to live up to their promises. I have been doing a lot of introspective thinking, and I have come up with a disturbing question: Am I a disengenious person?

Perhaps people misread my inner insecurity, or perhaps I fooled myself into believing I was a good person. I was wild a large part of my life up until I became thirty-six and my marriage to my late wife. We were religious because it seemed to embrace two damaged people, but I discovered it was not a solid truth. I do have core positives, but I may be blind to my core negatives.

BDSM experience has given me a lifeline; I believe most participants are more honest than the general population.

For many years of my life, I had a kind of compass that pointed me toward the future. Yes, a big part of that was having a loving and trusting wife. Even though I was her primary (no, solo) caregiver for eight years, I had purpose and a sense that I had accomplished something in my life. Poof, all that evaporated. Now I am left with confusion and seem to drift without purpose.

I have many interests and even hobbies (I could resurrect), but without someone to share the joy they once brought me, it seems pointless. Yes, I have mourned, and yes, I believed I made it past most of that because of "The Long Goodbye Effect", but no, it still leaves me empty (very empty).

Sometimes I feel antisocial, and I'm misanthropic (minus hate, however), which limits my comfort level in social settings, which doesn't help. Having been scammed a great deal doesn't help. Being disappointed by the church and family doesn't help. In fact, I am irreligious, left with only a sense of spiritualism, which I embraced when I researched Native American spirituality.

Here on "thecage" are the closest people I consider friends, and I am glad for them.  I hope to meet a woman here who resonates with me and my sensibilities, so we can be the companions we each need. My recent foolishness leaves me financially ok but with limited ability for travel. I own a house and live in a nice old town, but my interaction with locals is sparse. First, because of all the caregiving for my late wife, and now my reluctance to plunge into the local society and culture, I am not a native of. Ironically, during my army days, I fit in with local people everywhere I went.

What is in my favor? I have a great capacity to love and share with the right woman.

A friend asked me some questions here on the Cage, so I will use some of my answers in this blog post. A forty-year marriage, and I am certain my wife was a sub in retrospect. Me? I was in charge by default, maybe the best description. The realities of BDSM and its definitions entered my perspective about four years ago. I am still a novice.

"I ran our household: Made the lion's share of income from science and technical jobs, but I also ran my own creative endeavors in the music business and art.

We shared domestic responsibilities with our four children (a boy and a girl each), so, on the subject sub, she was 1950s-style.

Sex? Both of us experienced negatives. Simple answer: she pretty much was anything-goes that was safe. I learned gradually, through some conversations but mostly through observation. Past photos and behaviour. We both had strong sex drives"

So here I am living alone in a vacuum following my wife's demise and unsure what I should plan and expect. I just know I am still independent, clear thinking, and would benefit from a sex life.

What if I submit to a Woman who can teach me more about BDSM?

Maybe I would learn something and open doors to experiences I have not had. I think it is worth a conversation. Do you?

Lust ensures that humans maintain sustainable populations, but love encourages them to promote civility and care for each other.

My reckless side is driven by lust, my magnanimous side by love.

This duality is omnipresent, and the trait that prevails shapes a person's character, even a people's.

Civilization may not exist without both, but both in balance, so good continues even when the negatives of lust cause tensions. images from pixabay.com

Adapting to life without my wife since she passed away has been like experiencing a storm at sea that never ends. The only reprise is sleep. I love being asleep and rewarded with a pleasant dream, if any. 

I always had dreams that I kept close, which helped me be optimistic. The dream of living in New Mexico dates back to 1968, when I served in the Army. The first year I was in El Paso and visited New Mexico. Family considerations, mostly remaining close to where my children lived, were the main constraint.

I guess with diminished resources and aging, the dream of New Mexico has morphed into a fantasy. It may be possible, but not probable. I would rather have a companion who shares the same set of hopes and dreams because, with help, they have a greater chance of being realized. I am thinking hard about what to find in a lover. I have mentioned before that I have not lived without one for at least sixty years.

My late wife opened my eyes to what loving freely sexually really meant. I miss her, of course. I have an anecdote that goes back about fifty years: my brother took me to a bar with exotic dancers, and one of the girls asked me what my sexual fantasies were. I had no answer. I was still young enough to think like a typical man: Imagining having sex on my terms.

We live and learn and can be taught things, as my late wife taught me about enjoying sex and being in love. We remained monogamous because we kept each other satisfied and feeling loved.

The Right Woman for Me will help me wrap up my life in the east and help me resettle in NM. NM is the State I have visited most in the Western US, and I am serious about moving there.

"Retiring in New Mexico offers an affordable, culturally rich lifestyle with a cost of living roughly 3% below the national average. Popular for its sunny climate, diverse landscapes, and low property taxes, the state is ideal for active seniors. Key, affordable retirement spots include Rio Rancho, Roswell, and Silver City."

I always loved its diversity and the wide open spaces, the four seasons, and the people I met were very agreeable. I might even resurrect my art studio there. Does anyone want to take up my offer?

By reading profiles, blogs, and the comments on my blog, I have developed a profile of the relationship I would seek.

First, I am open to experimentation: I don't want to enter into sexual boredom. I don't have time to be unreasonably fussy. I have never been that way, which is why I have had three wives and several long-term relationships. My wife, who just passed away? We were married for forty-one years and worked out all the trials along the way.

Beginning over? Well, I need some encouragement and someone to push me out of ruts. I am in one now. I have to do lists, but aside from running the house and playing guitar and singing old songs, when I'm bored with TV or lonely, I prefer to nap. Yes, I am more motivated to be a good partner than to be good for myself.

Ilove the song by Shenendoha: "I want to be loved like that."

About four years back, when I realized my wife had become only a dependent as a disabled child for me, my longing for a normal relationship with a woman blindly led me into the internet pit of vipers. I foolishly expected a companion and lover. Yes, I did briefly have a FWB; it became a challenge, mostly out of my false expectations and ignorance.

Now that my wife is in a beautiful glazed urn with a hummingbird on it, when I talk to her, it seems she tells me, " Go on with your life now. Her Alzheimer's, dementia, and aphasia were so hard to deal with; all our friends vanished, and all but one distant relative were supportive of my decision to honor 'till death do us part.

Now I can meet a woman who might become a companion, but I went through all the dating and hook-up sites during my faux youthful search, and all I got out of that experience was that I lost most of my money. OK, now you can read my blog and see I am willing to try again, but I feel I am blinded by several things, one being the experience described above.

I always give the ladies I meet the benefit of the doubt and trust first, and see what happens. All my past lovers (I haven't seen them in over forty years) still have a place in my heart that is warm and loving, no matter what happened back then. Somehow, I feel I am ready to love again. BDSM is a doorway to honesty, dom, switch, neither, or sub is all in my open mind.