The Culture that has been here all the time

Hello Friends,

As I renew my dedication to caring for my wife, mostly alone, I have selected a project to keep me occupied and away from controversial situations: Write a book about a future milieu centered on high tech, including humanity's reliance on Artificial Intelligence (AI). I haven't given up on my new song project; it is just not easy to have a quiet situation for recording the new songs.

There is a YouTube video about the coming of AI Sexbots that is especially interesting and you may like to watch it.

Friends, our grandson Kieth is on his way to help me adjust to a new outlook. He will be here tomorrow, along with my brother JWH III.

I will no longer seek a helper for my caregiving of my wife. Jim

Since the trial run didn't work, I also am informing Berks County Agency on Aging since I will need their advice and help.

I have been warned every day since I became my wife's only caregiver to be careful that I do not trade my situation (the devil I know) for a situation that is a devil I do not know.

I am starting all over as the sole caregiver for my wife.

Dear Friends,

I have thought carefully about something to look forward to. The house we had at the "Jersy Shore" for many years had several rooms, an attic, and a garage, but no basement because of the threat of the rising sea level. Super Storm Sandy almost got the house, but the damage was limited to under (raised 1 meter), some roof blew off, and (unfortunately) everything was just about lost in the garage. Worst of all were my expensive telescopes. (Note the house we owned before Sandy washed away.)

Gardening was a challenge, but I managed to have a good vegetable and flower garden for several years. It was on an island surrounded by Great Bay and wetlands, with only one bridge to get on and off. Superstorm Sandy has given me many anecdotes, but here is the thought I hang on to now.

I had a digital recording studio and an art studio. From the moment my wife was diagnosed with early-onset dementia in 2017 , the art and music rooms became idle.

My new hope? I hope that one day, I will have a digital recording studio and an art studio once again. I have much of the material and supplies in storage. This home is too small (easier to manage as a caregiver), so I will need a different home for this dream.

Something else: Maybe my estranged children will get past the negativity about their stepmom's illness and her children and grandchildren likewise. I now realize it is probably easier for them not to see her in her current state and increasing decline. It hasn't been easy for me.

My current helper fulfills the needs of so many absent helpers, and I am not always able to juggle the needs of her and my wife. I know I am not a good prospect for any possible romantic relationship. Maybe after I heal from the inevitable loss of my wife, I will recover sufficiently to be a better prospect for someone's significant other.

Still, I have a realistic glimmer of hope now. Jim

Hello Freinds,

Despite trials and tribulations, I feel pretty good and functioning well. Thank You, my doctors, for doing good work. 

Perhaps I can find my way to enjoy life if given that opportunity. The caregiving status quo still beats me down, even with some help. I don't want to go back to old bad habits to feel good (get high; it took a great effort to beat off that demon). In retrospect, when the family was alive and well, we took for granted dances, picnics, dinners, holidays, and birthday celebrations. Now, in a great estrangement, it is just memories (rifts between and loss of people):

"… Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose…"

Hello, Friends (acquaintances, actually),

I am thick-headed, soft-hearted, and don't think correctly too often. Since my wife has Alzheimer's/Dementia/Aphasia, family, church friends, and friends disengaged with us and in frantic, ill-conceived attempts to get help and companionship and even a sexual relationship (outside marriage) have taken me down a path filled with mistakes, vulnerable to scammers, and desperate to try anything to get help that I now realize is an exercise in futility.

I now understand that if family, church friends, and friends left my wife's care up to me alone, I could not expect strangers (even paid people) to do the same level of care I can only give her. My state or condition is irrelevant; she is the only one who counts. Thirty-nine years of a monogamous good marriage deserves my care for her. I simply must. I must do better and not allow my needs and wants to interfere with her care.

I see I am not a master, not even a piss-poor Dom; I am just a man in one of life's tests and struggles. I may have experienced true happiness for about six years out of my seventy-six-plus years of existence. The obstacle to my true, long-lasting happiness? ME.

Unless you are in my shoes, you can not know what this life is like for me.

Hello friends,

To avoid making mistakes with my life for the foreseeable future, I am setting aside my libido and abstaining from even thinking about sex. Now, what am I going to do with the 360 Cialis pills I bought in the hope of using them? I wonder how long before they lose their effectiveness; will they remain suitable if I change my mind someday?

Hi Friends,

I have many night dreams, and some involve remembering. Last night, I dreamt that three baby raccoons¹ showed up in my yard and that I began a search to save them, my intentions opposed by their enemies. Two women helped me, and eventually, we found them a safe haven. 

Weird as it may seem, the Segway had me in some sort of organized military setting searching for the right place to fix a heating problem, but I wound up in a class of people who were painting their bodies: I joined them. I flirted with at least two girls in the class (LOL)

1 In a past owned home, once I opened the door to the garage from the kitchen, and there at my feet were three baby raccoons; I owned three dogs and several cats, so I got them to a safe place (can't recall where). Once my neighbor and I saved an injured Possum the animal zoo gladly helped.

This is the result:

== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
88% Voyeur
85% Dominant
84% Master/Mistress
81% Vanilla
72% Owner
63% Non-monogamist
60% Experimentalist
52% Brat tamer
49% Rigger
38% Primal (Hunter)
35% Exhibitionist
31% Switch
29% Daddy/Mommy
27% Rope bunny
20% Submissive
15% Pet
8% Brat
7% Degrader
5% Primal (Prey)
4% Sadist
3% Degradee
1% Slave
0% Ageplayer
0% Boy/Girl
0% Masochist

Hello Friends,

One of my doctors alerted me to the effect antidepressants can have on sexual function. I looked into it here are there highlights of what I discovered.

Antidepressants can cause sexual side effects in both men and women, including:

• Decreased sexual desire
  Decreased sexual excitement
  Delayed or diminished orgasm
  Erection problems
  Problems with arousal, comfort, and satisfaction
  Delayed lubrication
  Discomfort during sex
  Decreased libido
  Trouble maintaining an erection  
• Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are antidepressants that are most likely to cause sexual side effects, including paroxetine (Paxil), fluoxetine (Prozac), sertraline (Zoloft), escitalopram (Lexapro), and citalopram (Celexa). In one study, paroxetine had the highest rate of sexual dysfunction among SSRIs, with 65% of clients experiencing side effects. Other SSRIs, such as fluvoxamine (Luvox), also cause up to half of patients to report a decline in libido. Google

One AntiDepressant curbs premature ejaculation: Seratraline offered by an online pharmacy