Kajisun, the middle that takes a lickin and keeps on ticking

“What do l bring to the table in my chosen Dd/lg dynamic?”

If you have been reading any of my journal pages, you would have gleaned some of the things I would bring to the dynamic especially within “What is it to be a submissive?”. I wanted to be a little more clear on what this is though so here I am.

First, I understand that safe words are not only for submissives, but Doms may need them as well, and I do NOT see this as a bad thing. I think this understanding is essential in a relationship because it shows I understand that a Dom is a person with needs and stresses just as any regular human being. Being a Dom is not always easy even if it may be very enjoyable and a part of who they are in their core. To add to this, I also understand that with humanity comes faults, and that we all have them. I am generally not one to point out faults continuously like bringing up situations from months ago. I feel terrible when I make a mistake and it will stick with me as I am the harshest of critics on myself. I know how this feels and try not to make anyone else feel this way.

Next, I see submission as something that is part of my soul. I have always been submissive, but kind of forced to be dominant in life, and it can be exhausting. I want to please (I do have a praise kink for sure), I want to do what I am able for my Daddy, and will be open to exploring my “curious about” kinks as well as my Daddy’s kinks. If he reallllly likes a particular kink, I will try my best to do this even if I have to train for this kink for him. Unless it is on my “hard limits” list (yes I have a separate list I put together) I will still want to be submissive, so if the kink can be adjusted to where I can handle it/find it enjoyable, I would be willing to try and see if I like it, or in some cases bare it if it doesn’t affect my mental/physical health too much.

In addition, I am of the sort that anything I do, I rarely half ass anything. If I become a janitor, those will be the cleanest and sparkliest toilets and floors, once I’m done, that I could possibly do. I have a bit of OCD that helps, but still, I built myself to be a hard worker and to not want mediocrity. While I may have high standards to be happy/content at this period in my life with my newly found kink exploration, I am worth it. I need a rock to lean up against, but I will also be that rock for my Daddy. There are things that I dislike doing, but may do if necessary as long as there is reciprocity.

I understand that open communication and honesty goes both ways. I understand that my Daddy is not psychic and cannot just know what I need, I have to communicate and vice versa. I understand that we both would need to be open to constructive criticism, but not during the scene/moment, it should be done after unless it’s a RED safe word situation. I understand that men and women can have sensitive areas they wouldn’t like criticism in, but will accept as long as it is done kindly and with some tact. ie. I can’t have cum in my mouth or I will vomit (I’m willing to try if needed, but not the point) and you just tell me:
“You need to fix vomiting, it’s gross and I don’t like the smell. You need to be able to have my cum in your mouth and swallow it”.
First, this could have been said better, maybe like you actually cared about my well being. Next, you are not giving me the constructive part of constructive criticism, just the criticism. Do you know how to help with the vomiting and the high gag reflex I have? Am I just a means to an end, or is there a reason behind your want/need that we can discuss? Why would I want to try if there is no care in what you are expecting of me? I’m not one to be a fuck toy because it really fucks with my head. I give because I feel safe to give, because I know what I give is of importance to my Daddy, because he will not intentionally hurt me, and because he will appreciate what I have given.

Finally, there is so much more to me than what I have listed. I feel I am intelligent and can speak on a variety of subjects. I get along with most people (drama and mean people not included), and have been told that I am kind and genuine in most everything that I do. Even though I am pretty introverted, I can still behave as if I’m an extrovert in needed situations. It can be very difficult for me, but I usually can do it very well for a few hours. This would be the case if there is a family gathering or business dinner in which I am expected to attend with Daddy, and behave in an outgoing manner. Lol I will just need a vacation for the rest of the day because it can truly be exhausting. I can follow a contract once it has been negotiated, and you will not generally get a brat out of me. Occasionally I may push boundaries, but it’s not usually intentional. In addition, I am loyal to a fault once love and trust have been attained. It takes me a lot of reflection and debate in my head to let go, but I will if needed. I have to know for sure that I’m doing the best thing for me and for my partner in crime.

“What I am looking for in my Daddy Dom? profile supplemental reading.”

Read to learn more about me and what I am looking for. I do this specifically because I do not want to waste anyone’s time when there are things that I want, that may be deal breakers for you or vice versa. I have put a lot of time and effort into this because I care about people as well as for myself, and I want the best match for them. I have changed this a little to go with information that I have given on my profile. It should enhance what I have there.
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In the middle of an amicable divorce.
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-My vanilla likes and vanilla life:
I love audiobooks, like a whole bunch. I tend to lean towards Romantic/Dark romantic/Romcom/Romantasy /fantasy books. I Would like it if Daddy would read me some of my stories too. Maybe glean some ideas? Also keep in mind that while I can read some dark shiz and it may turn me on, this doesn’t mean I would want it done to me, like a pew pew in Haunting Adaline, if you know, you know.

I’m in a couple of online/in-person book clubs. I love anime, but binge watching anime or K-Dramas with my stuffies when I find a good one is theee best. Even better would be if Daddy liked them too so we could watch some together.

I like walks in parks/ by lakes, or just beautiful areas where there are some types of paths. I want to get back into hiking but cannot do that alone for safety reasons. Hmmm maybe some bear spray? I also like to do some gardening with flowers and vegetables, and I love having berry bushes. All those berries are just so tasty!

I do love hugs, like when I can almost be enveloped in one. Feels better when a taller guy does this. I think it's because I can snuggle into his chest; it could be a scent thing too.

I love love love adorable things. I love my stuffies and cute clothes with mainly cute animals and anime stuff on them. I also like to wear kitty cat or fox ears. Maybe a cute little tail butt plug?

I do have an associates degree in IT, it’s kinda useless lol, but I sure felt awesome putting in my own heat sink. I went for my bachelors degree in psychology, sociology, and human development; however, I ran out of funding realllly close to the end, but I still find those three topics extremely interesting especially sociology. I love older world history, how cultures work, and how they are different from various other cultures.

I have an almost unhealthy obsession with organizing things and cleaning of certain things; I have a little bit of OCD going on so a Daddy should be prepared. It can be quite cathartic though.
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My wants and needs as a submissive Middle

I’m not property, so I am not in need of a master. While I am submissive, I do have a will of my own, but not in a brat type of way.

I am not a masochist, though I do like some pain and a little degradation during sex, it’s definitely not sadist level, so no Sadists please.

Need a firm and very Dominant possessive daddy. I will be his and no one else’s. He will need to be strong in his possessiveness and control on the things we have negotiated on. He will stand up for me, and show me how a man truly handles what he feels is important. He will keep in mind that I am a woman with needs that are not just sexual, I need the type of dominance that will be stronger than my own. I will not be a trad type of girl though.

With most things I’m very submissive, but overworking myself is hard to stop and a Daddy will need to give me a stop work time or time limit. I will also need support when I’m overwhelmed and catastrophizing. My mind always goes a mile a minute, and sometimes that leads to a lot of “what ifs”.

Also, I would like it if he would allow me to explore by being able to learn, go to educational munches, or just to be in kink bookclubs or activities with other like minded ppl. I don’t like feeling so alone and while I’m an introvert, being on an island with hardly anyone to talk to regarding BDSM type things is rough.
Again, keep in mind that I am a middle with some of the traits and the love of some super cute things just like littles; what I do and how I am is not age play, it’s just me. I am still a little one, princess and baby girl that loves her stuffies/squishies, but I overwhelmingly love dirty talk, some rough handling, choking and other not very princess-y like behaviors.

I need a loving relationship with a daddy that will take care of me in all ways including first and foremost my well-being, but being honest and upfront with me as I am right now right from the start. I want my boundaries pushed a little by a handsome looking Dom (in my eyes, looks are subjective). Around 6 ft or kind of close either direction.
Handsome to me (I understand that looks are subjective, but chemistry is a must, so I will ask for a picture, please don’t take offense if I don’t see the draw from you; this goes both ways so please kindly do the same).
Short to no beard, i know, it’s kinda crazy with a mountain beard being all the rage now, but still.
Fit and cares about health. Doesn’t have to be “The Hulk” buff, just not a dad bod (def: like a beer belly.) In the Michigan area. Age range 30-50.
Has some experience in the BDSM world and can be creative with sex, sex toys, and BDSM implements.
I will be looking to eventually do 24/7, not TPE. Further, it should never be just about sex, but that will be an enormous plus if you’re good in that department. I need to have structure, consistency, stability in all things, including a bedtime. I need rules, and punishments if I break rules. Routines, and not too many big surprises.

I do need to be a little micromanaged with food and ensuring I give myself self-care. I have a hard time with both. For food, I need my Daddy to be able to have portioned out items for me to cook or to prepare portions together to cook. Breakfast needs to be portioned to a serving that he feels would be best for me. The rest I just need accountability and support like exercising or doing certain things. If I don’t have management, I won’t eat meals. I will simply have cereal or snack all day. Snack could be on fruit, but whatever is easiest is what I will do.

I need the man to try and get to know me, but also open up himself to me and tell me about himself too. It’s a 2 way street. My middle side needs attention daily, so I really need to have a Dom willing to do that right off the bat. It could be a question a day or see how I’m doing that day, just something.

I wouldn’t mind starting online, but will need to be in person eventually. If you live far away from my area then it would be expected that eventually my Daddy will need to relocate me to him. Hmm I guess he could move to my area and rent or buy a place here too if he wanted to.

I give this little list ahead of time because there should be no surprises in the things I absolutely need/want.

I require:

Need a Non smoker (health-wise but also traumatic for me)
420 on occasion, like at a party or something outside. 

No illegal drug users or recovering addicts. 

No heavy drinkers, there should only be the occasional drinks, not full on hangover drinking or alcoholism. Traumatic for me.

Understand that I will not marry again; however, wouldn’t mind types of collars or something else instead of marriage, if that time came with the right person. This collar will be more of a choice the both of us made to belong to each other. Always my Daddy and I’m always his little one/baby girl. This would not be a slave collar. Nothing that literally locks around my throat.

I will not have any more children.
If possible, I do not want any kids in the picture. This may be a deciding factor for me in declining a relationship. If they are not already really close to being on their way to live their own life, then I will likely decline. I truly do not have it in me to deal with, most often, the poisonous friction of biological parents who are no longer civil, or a child that feels they have been abandoned by one parent or the other. Obviously, if adult children need to come back to the home for whatever reason that is understandable. They are adults though, so they can take care of themselves (Feed themselves, do their own laundry, will work and would hopefully have their own car ).
I don’t mean to sound like a bitch in this, but I truly need sanctuary, a safe place without a lot of drama day in and day out. Unfortunately, kids tend to be the epitome of drama. I don’t feel I would truly be moldable putty if I always need my walls to be up for the kids around.

Do not yell at me. I’m an emotional empath and I will shut down and possibly cry, but beware because I very well may leave soon after. I will NOT be in an abusive relationship.

Daddy must have excellent hygiene especially when it comes to mouth and nether regions. Very sensitive taste buds and high gag reflex.

As I have mentioned in the previous paragraph regarding my sensitive taste buds, I do not want to kiss with gross mouths. Morning breath or coffee breath can have me feeling nauseated. lol even my own morning breath. Coffee I just hate the taste even though I truly tried to like it.

My biological daughter is an adult already, but I will always be there/have a place for her no matter where I live or who I’m with if she were to need it. If this is something you do not intend to do this for me then please know this will be cause to decline a relationship.

My 11 year old terrier and my itty bitty crested gecko Ringo comes with this full-time package named the Kaji Deluxe Edition: Bomb Diggity Cuteness with Pets! (Batteries not included.) my puppers is in very good health for his age.my gecko is probably a year old.

I want to be seen as a companion, partner, and a person with opinions and ideas not a “yes wo/man” to everything doormat type, but in the end, my Dom will have a good deal of control over me once everything has been negotiated. I will bend to his will if it has been negotiated. This would include mentally, physically, emotionally.

I will need to be taken care of emotionally, physically, and financially since I will be doing my best to make my partner content in the life we share. I will do my best to excel at taking care of my Daddy.

I don’t want to ‘have to’ work but, I do like to work part-time (anywhere from 1-3 days a week of the school year). I require my small amount of money to remain mine. I cannot be as weak as I am now, if trouble arises.

Cats are iffy, I was immensely allergic a long time ago. Within a couple hours of being at a friends house that had two long-haired cats, I was struggling to breathe. My daughter also had a shorthaired cat that was a struggle to be around, even when it had to stay in her room only.
Lately though I’ve been in a house that has had one shorthaired cat, and as long as they or their litter boxes aren’t ever really in the room that I lived in most of the time, I didn’t have any issues with them. Most of the floors are wood, except for living room, and furniture is leather. Just thought it would be worth mentioning.

I will have freedoms when it comes to political ideology which I lean left (voting, supporting groups with likeminded goals, etc.). If you are fairly conservative, right leaning, we may not get along. I want to practice my religious beliefs if it’s something I want to do (Christianity, but it’s not likely that I will go to church), and to donate a portion of my time to a good cause within my community if that is what I wish.

If you speak multiple languages, speak in English around me. The last thing I’d want is to not trust my partner. I grew up with this, and I will not do it again. 

Me as a Middle, are you a different type of submissive? Do you feel you might be a little/middle with similar needs?

As a middle, I find myself mixed in with all submissives and some D's not really seeing a difference. I am not an age player or a general submissive. For me, I feel like there needs to be more care taken because as a middle, I have a younger heart along with many portions of my mind than those who are not middle/littles.

As an adult, I know my body has the sexual needs of an adult. I need that passion and roughness, the pleasing and being pleased, and in general, ravaging me while sating the needs and possible fetishes of my Daddy. I need the softness after the storm of a session, I need my Daddy telling me I did a very good job in doing what he asked of or told me to do during sex. I need more physical, mental, and emotional contact from Daddy or a potential Daddy at the moment, because I need more reassurance that being me is what my Daddy actually wants, what he needs. Not just in the aftercare session, but through out the day. NOT just someone to talk about sex and having sex with, but a 24/7 DYNAMIC.

I personally feel more like I have a middle school personality and heart; it is the essence of who I am. When I have to adult, I don't really change who I am, it's more like I change my hat. Similar to a kid who loves to play and relax with hobbies, they also know that chores/work must be done to be a productive person in the household. As an adult, I have the knowledge to know what needs to be done, which is darn near everything, and how to do "chores" in my own most efficient way. As a middle, I would rather be guided as to what chores I would be responsible for, my Daddy's guidance in how he would like them to be done including favorite meals, and if I get overwhelmed, that I will have a Daddy to help me get back on track. I need the Daddy to be strong enough to teach me a lesson when I misbehave or punish me when I act out willingly with disobedience. I need him to make me eat healthy, I need him to keep me in line to do what is best for my health.Maybe that part is regular D? Sensual is nice, but I need the other rougher more stern side too.

I need more patience at times from my Daddy because I can be really emotional especially if I did something wrong on accident. If I'm really trying hard on doing something to please Daddy, but I'm failing whatever training I'm trying to complete. I work so hard and the disappointment is jarring when I don't get it just right. I need a good amount of time with my Daddy around. This is me keeping in mind that working is a necessity and am not asking for him to go part time or anything silly like that. Kind of like how kids always want to be around and hanging out with parents until they turn into a 15+ teenager then you don't exist lol. I want him to read to me, give me baths and, play with my hair, watch an anime movie with me. If we had people over, I like to play card or board games. My psyche needs closeness without judgement. Attention without being burdensome.

Further, my well-being needs more thought put into it as well. It seems as if I don't have just adult worries and needs like paying the bills, working, or being street smart; unfortunately, I have my kid heart and brain worries as well. Like will I be kept safe from others that may mean me harm, and will Daddy give me a stable and consistent home to live in?   

I have the intelligence to know what I want, and what I need. To know where I'm weak and where I am strong. I not only know who I was, I know who I am at this moment in time, and where I want to go.  I just don't know when anything is going to finally take off for me, or why I am the way I am, in that I need this dynamic. I feel overwhelmed in this vanilla world where everything is wild and running amok. Always trying to be the perfect adult and having the stress and responsibilities of working, handling all household duties, being an adult/parent/step-parent on my shoulders. Luckily H helps a lot with his kids. Can you imagine all this on a young heart?

I have been seeing a lot of profiles both on here and other sites like Fetlife, and speaking to D types that use the term interchangeably. Many of the D Types I spoke to would basically be expecting the s type person to give everything up and over like within a TPE, but would just say they were looking for a submissive.

Granted the slave is technically a submissive, but a submissive doesn’t have to be a slave.I do understand that a number of titles can be under the submissive umbrella, but a submissive slave would not be the same as a submissive little or a general submissive. I get people see things differently, but I wholeheartedly don't believe a slave, and a general submissive are interchangeable.

With a general submissive, in my understanding, they have more autonomy and ability to negotiate more before and within the relationship. This includes the relationship being more open to change if the submissive realized that certain things were damaging to their mental health, maybe the submissive would want more/less tasks, or maybe kids growing into a different age range is taking a toll more than it was before. There can be a wide variety of things that can happen and a straight submissive would have more power than a slave in re-negotiations. They would also have more power during their day in what order to take care of tasks given to do, if they want to work, what they do in their free time, or where they go as long as the D type is getting what he needs in the dynamic and is under the terms of the contract.

In my understanding, for slaves there are discussions to negotiate, but once discussions are done and set, then complete power goes over to the D type, and that is it, no further negotiations unless the Master has allowed it to some degree. Slave types are generally not really given any or very little autonomy, and the negotiations can be extremely thorough so there isn't much reason for re-negotiations. I feel slave's lives in general are micromanaged almost entirely. Master says "Jump" and the slave asks "How high". Hmmm or they may already know how high because it has already been negotiated.

In some cases, their Master may give them more autonomy, but it really depends on the relationship, whether there are multiple roles within the dynamic, or what the Master needs in general.

I have seen it mentioned here on the cage as well as other sites, that some see slaves as being brainless or having no personality, and while I don't think this is the case, I think that maybe for the most part, that may be just what the slaves want to do. They very well could be extremely intelligent, but maybe they need to relax apart from the pressure that is in their life. They don't have to think about what they are doing because their Master has already told the slave what they are going to be doing at all times. For example, when they use the bathroom, when they eat, when they need to be a table or topless as a party favor for their guests, or just when they need to sit on the floor and wait for a command. Slaves don't have think about what people think unless it would be displeasing to their Master, nor worry about money or how they dress because it is all up to their Master's pleasure. They don't have to think a bunch because it has already been worked out that all they need to worry about is pleasing their Master. I think some thinking has to come in memorizing what the Master wants and predicting what would please him most. As most hopefully know though, not all dynamics are the same, but I really feel that is what is different between slaves and submissive. I could be wrong, but that is also why I ask different people, read, or watch videos because it gives me a better perspective of what the BDSM dynamics look like in real world applications.

I would also respectfully disagree with those who have mentioned that a collar is what turns a submissive into a slave. From various perspectives that I have been reading through, a collar could symbolize a slave giving up all control to his/her Master, but it could also mean that as a person on the "s" side of the slash, they are taken and no longer available to the dating pool, not necessarily a slave. I have heard/read that a collar in that situation can be almost like a marriage to them or even seen as more important than a marriage, rather than just the decision to turn a submissive into a slave.