Organized Chaos

Harrison Ford once said: 

They will criticize you for what you are, for what you are not, and for what they think you are. 

They will judge you for what you do, for what you don't do, and for what you fail to do. 

They will talk about you for what you say and for what you keep silent about. 

They will point at you for your successes and for your mistakes, for your decisions and for your doubts. 

No matter how much you try to please, there will always be opinions. 

So, live for yourself, because in the end, the only thing that matters is being true to your own path.

Photo from Esquire.

To be intimate with someone isn’t about being physical with someone.

Intimacy doesn’t come from a place of physicality.

It’s about trusting someone because they make you feel safe.

It’s about sharing your deepest fears, insecurities, and vulnerabilities with someone who embraces who you are without judgement.

Someone who looks after your heart as though it’s a delicate flower.

It’s about being able to be open about your inner thoughts, your pain, your past, and your trauma to another person, knowing that they will listen with empathy and understanding.

It’s when you can reveal the broken pieces of your soul, and they respond with kindness, warmth, and love.

It’s a place where you can be your true authentic self without fear of judgement, abandonment, or rejection, because they make you feel safe…

It's a special person who will stand beside you through all of life’s highs and lows reminding you that you are never alone in this beautiful but sometimes difficult journey we call life.

Intimacy is really about feeling safe…

Because true intimacy comes from the heart and soul…

~ Mark Smith

The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.

Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. You needed it to shield your tender heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.

From the parent who was absent by choice or by the circumstance of working three jobs to feed and house you.

From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but no offered no safe haven that honored your heart.

From the friendships that always took more than they gave.

From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when shit got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.

From the lies. The betrayals.

You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.

Ultra-independence is a *trust issue.*

You learned: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will always drop the ball sooner or later, right?

You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you.

Ultra-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.

So, you don’t trust anyone.

And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people.

To trust is to hope, to trust is vulnerability.

“Never again,” you vowed.

But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall.

Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either.

Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming.

It’s trauma response.

The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed.

You are worthy of having support.
You are worthy of having true partnership.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of having your heart held.
You are worthy to be adored.
You are worthy to be cherished.

You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise.

You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy.

You don’t have to earn it.
You don’t have to prove it.
You don’t have to bargain for it.
You don’t have to beg for it.

You are worthy.
Worthy.

Simply because you exist.

- Jamila White