I was in another BDSM chatroom the other day and I caught someone telling other users that they would not recommend South Africa because of racism, crime, and murder. I'm not sure if irony is an appropriate word to describe this situation but "Don't go to South Africa because of crime and murder" is often a dog whistle. This is complex because it's not that the crime does not exist, it disproportionately affects people of color in underprivileged areas but it's not fair to only associate the country with crime. It feels like nothing we do is enough, we are still associated with all the bad that occurs.
The sub he was talking to replies " Oh, I haven't heard anything bad about South Africa. . . besides the usual". I chipped in "South Africa is not the "Wild West" that people make it out to be." He starts questioning me on whether I'm South African and he ends up in my private messages. I am pissed off at this point and I am snapping at everyone who replies to me. Then I take a break to force myself to calm down and show him some empathy. He comes from a community (a demographic of South Africans who moved away in the 90s) that has an international reputation for holding on to specific sentiments about the country. There's a whole conversation on social media about this, many tourists claim that they are deterred from visiting the whole country or certain cities but when they visit, they realize that it's not as bad as it's made out to be. I am forcing myself to understand that it is conditioning.
I still tell him that I think what he is doing is not fair and he apologizes but stands firm that it's his experience. I don't argue against people's experiences. He tells me the region that he is from, I try hard to tell myself that it makes some sense but then he asks me about riots that occurred in 2021 and my heart drops. The country has moved on but it's still heavily on his mind. That region has experienced natural disaster after natural disaster since the riots. Those people have beeen suffering, and he tells me that he is aware yet he is still committed to seeing them as villains. Those are human beings who have gone through unimaginable suffering that they don't deserve, their reputation cannot be limited to riots.
It's a city that I go to when life is overwhelming and I've lived in it during lockdown. When I am there, I am always told that it's dangerous but I walk from my community compound to the nearby mall on my own, I just don't go to unfamiliar places on my own. I have a love/hate relationship with that city. I will tell someone who is from there that it's overwhelming for me but when I am speaking to someone international, I understand that what I say has consequences for the people who live there. The region is majority Zulu people, who are one of the most legendary tribes in Africa, and they co-exist with one of the largest Indian populations outside of India. The city looks like a "little India".
Both groups are resilient people who have held on to their culture and identity despite attempts to eradicate them. They are also resourceful people because what has been lost has been replaced with something. Though our Indian community has retained their architecture, religion, food, social norms, and arts, many have lost their languages but it has been replaced with a dialect of English that I wish got more recognition. Zulu people created gumboot dancing (which started as a way to communicate in the mines), isicathamiya which inspired the music of the Lion King and gave us Ladysmith Black Mambazo (5-time Grammy award winners) and they have innovated subgenres of house/EDM music.
Since 2021, my country has won the Rugby World Cup and now has the record for the most World Cup wins, cementing ourselves as the best in the sport alongside Aotearoa/New Zealand's All blacks (who made it to second place again). The winning of the World Cup is symbolic, it is a reminder that we will work together as a country and heal from our past, no matter how hard it is. We also won some medals at the Olympics and we dominated other fields that I can't remember because we were winning so much. We have been participating in the International community more, positioning ourselves as neutral peacekeepers. As chaotic as the past 30 years have been, we have made strides in human rights, science, and the arts. It will never be enough for some people though and that is exhausting.
He told me that he hadn't been to South Africa in 26 years, which would mean that he left 4 years after independence and he hasn't actually lived in the "New South Africa" but he wants to tell me about "experiences". There are so many layers to this that I cannot write about but the more I think about it, I get so emotional. When one has a level of privilege it's hard to see beyond that privilege unless you have experiences that open your eyes. As a lower-middle-class "born-free" black person in a country that's still trying to find its feet post-independence and has a wide inequality gap, even I have had to deconstruct unconscious biases in my values and as I am creating international relationships, I realize that I still have a lot of work to do.
To not recommend a place because of its problems is to say that the people of that place have nothing to offer. It feels dehumanizing, especially coming from someone who has no real connection to the place. He left when he was a teenager and hasn't experienced the building of a nation with all its complexities. I am a human being. I am a human being. I am a human being. So is everyone who looks like me, regardless of class, education level, or gender. We give so much to the world and it's never enough. I find myself being hyper-vigilant of so much and it's so exhausting.
As I am building international connections, I often wonder how a person perceives me. Am I a stereotype? Am I breaking stereotypes? Am I portraying my country in a positive light but with nuance? It's not only about the country but the continent, there are connotations to being an African from Africa. It's also important for me to question whether I am tackling my own unconscious biases about other people. It saddens me when I am chatting to someone and they say "I'm from (insert country that experiences an intense amount of stigma), is that okay?" What do you mean? Why would it not be okay?
Stereotypes are very sticky and sometimes they are so subtle that we don't realize that we cause harm by holding on to certain beliefs. They seem logical, the issue exists but it's not about denying that the issue exists, what's harmful is how people create narratives around the issue that paint a group of people in a negative light. When the issue is mentioned, there is a quiet part that people just get. It's so important to be aware and constantly interrogate our beliefs.
