This is a dom reflection and outreach post.
Browsing through blogs and forums, there is no shortage of life “lessons” and bad childhood stories to share when these topics arise. However, rarely (if ever), do I see that same amount of energy used to portray learning experiences in a positive way.
Perhaps people just haven’t been asking or been asked.
I got shot, crushed, stabbed, ran over, bit, and chased till exhaustion during my kiddo days.
Years later, here I am a year back from my 7th deployment, pending disability, unable to work, and unable to get medical care. I remember all the cold and depressing hospitals I’ve been into. pain meds were a godsend, but the after-effects sucked.
Looking into it, sometimes it’s better to have a loving grandma neighbor.
Getting stitches in a warm kitchen on towels and pillows is WAY better than a hospital, even without pain meds. The food is better too. But, when younger, I didn’t know what/how to appreciate what this environment signified. I remember kicking, screaming, and cursing at her. But I always went back. There have even been some hospitals that I scoffed in because Abuela could have done much better.
Over the years: She reset my shoulder when I crashed my bike. stitched my forehead and leg. Pulled out teeth. took thorns out my neck. salved my burns (we set fire to dead trees). Push packed my hands and feet when they were cracked and split.
I share the above story to say the following:
Pain and labor are the main two factors of human development. Having to toil through tasks and ordeals with a set direction and focus helped form me as an individual. I have noticed that I’m able to sense people whose past was devoid of these experiences.
Not saying everyone should and must go through trauma to grow into who they want and/or are destined to be. I’m just observing; and these observations are helping me make sense of how bizarre, twisted, and convoluted many people seem to be nowadays.
If you’re a dom who has read my previous blogs and you’ve been experiencing similar frustrations with brats, entitled women, abusive doms who only know how to chase twisted desires, and sugar babies, do read on.
Within the boundaries of my life experiences, here are some key things I’ve learned. Hopefully, this helps you in your search. Going back to labor and pain, if you’re a leader, you need more of both in your life and will have to take on the burden of introducing and (in a positive way) reinforcing these into someone else’s life in order to produce the best result.
1. Self-development as a leader is nigh impossible solo. As a leader, I have always been held to standards of exceptional achievements and socioeconomic efficiency, NOT personal development, social adaptability, and emotional intelligence. I learned the latter from reflecting on the few times I've come across and/or practiced it.
As a matter of fact, the first time I was introduced to the concept of emotional intelligence, it was in an Army training program. Fair warning, those programs are designed to build rapport and extract information from a subject. And they advise you to keep an emotional distance and observational standpoint from the entire process and another party. It has taken years for me to sift through the internal damage this has taken on me and my ability to genuinely connect with others.
Solution: Focus on healthy habits and your mental health. If you’re looking to assume a leadership role. See a professional psychiatrist first. Setting up and training mental defenses is essential. This helped me in professional, personal, and romantic endeavors. Decompress and vent stress routinely, not reactively. And immediately cut off people you recognize as a danger to your ability to grow and develop. Try to compromise and communicate but limits should be hard, defined, and final.
2. You will have noticed by now how many submissive minded individuals will pack their trauma and need for past rearing and positive enforcement into their present interactions with you. It is a daunting task mathematically, to think that a sub/co-worker/trainee is asking you to provide the professional and personal guidance they may have been missing their ENTIRE life. By default, many of your lessons will be diluted or interpreted differently.
It’s easy to say just screen more carefully, I would like to genuinely engage and elaborate on what has worked for me in that area.
Solutions:
Off the top, understand that no matter the age, gender, ethnicity, or profession, it is impossible to gauge someone’s internal development and character from just a few exchanges. Choose whether you want to go on a personal development journey before or with someone you meet.
Hopefully, you set that psychiatrist appointment. The more you say you don’t need one. The worse it’s gonna be.
If you chose to go with the WITH option (a wordplay on point). Brutally and quickly assess and address your own internal vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Under what circumstances do you lie, cheat, or want to hurt others. How you best learn and retain information. Name three of the biggest positive experiences in your lifetime. Now name three reasons for each that those experiences would not have the same effect on your potential submissive or trainee.
There are definitive differences between weakness and vulnerability. Strength and resilience. A flaw versus a defect. And having knowledge versus understanding information.
After the formalities. Forewarn and then engage. Short, deep, and brutal conversations. Childhood trauma, learning styles, family history, genetic disorders, medications/allergies, and so on.
3. Define, adapt, and improve your standards and boundaries. A perfect bad example of this is when you have a meal plan, but get hungry to the point self-discipline collapses and you eat what you have to. Reverse engineer that. If you come up with viable solutions that can be written down and implements, know that this helped me help others deal with addictions to video gaming, porn, casual dating, or gambling.
Once the fence is set up, you can’t cave bruh. I know...hoes, distractions, junk food, and digital cocaine have trained you differently.
4. Absolve the fever: if you’re a monk or troll, we get it. You can shut the fuck up. This is for those like myself.
It’s common knowledge that men lose logical reasoning when aroused. In a commercial consumer society, keeping men aroused in order to control us in our most susceptible state, is the goal.
From what I’ve seen in modern America. The aforementioned model exists in everything from cologne to cars, the idea of having or doing something in order to satisfy our needs for physical and emotional intimacy.
Current thoughts on a monogamous relationship: Will only teach me how to engage, argue, and have sex with a single person. Thereby leaving a single point of failure for my experiences and skills in romance. The argument of long term positive habits aside, I believe monogamy fails in the long run because it's based mostly on external interests. Socioeconomic status, what your family/friends think, what religion says based on a book written by people you never met, who are still to this day arguing what the hearsay of dead people meant. In addition, it is rarely made personally adaptable. It's a rigid foundation of who/what goes where. A system to handle relationships, under the pretext of free will, under the pretense of eternal damnation. Referenced in a legal contract with the state to dictate who gets what in event of death or break up. That's too much for me to process as a natural choice in mate selection.
Please do read on for the approach that worked for me. Go to a target-rich environment for you. South America and East Asia for American men in general. Germany and Ukraine for black and Hispanic men. Thailand is for white guys. But it’s twisted now. Fuck until you get that control collar out of your subconscious.
One of the main advantages that women have had over me in relationships is the development and benefits that come from being consistently pursued and offered material things in exchange for the company.
Until you know you know how that feels, it will be difficult if not impossible to get along with women in any capacity. It’s been a base foundation of logic for many female life experiences. Knowing this has been essential in my journey as a dom.
5. Should have mentioned this earlier. Finances. Set a budget. Never go over it. Period.
WHEN you do, choose rent and food over utilities. It’s illegal for most companies to cut off utilities during winter. Pay cell phone over internet. Don’t sell your car. Downsize monthly. Donating to charity is a joke. Get your money back if you can.
Be honest, if you’re barely supporting yourself as an individual. You’re not ready to support and/or provide for someone else. Even if you're sharing bills with a sub, leadership is defined by the scope of influence. Keep your house clean and finances in order before involving others
6. Hygiene. Once you keep a refinement of recovery and neatness, it will come glaringly clear how many people you hang with....who don’t. Inform them then cut off those who can’t keep up. We all need to progress.
to the new doms: shower daily, moisturize, manscape, clean your toilets and kitchen, sweep out under that bed and organize all that paperwork sitting around the house. whatever is messed up in the dark is usually what we need to work on.
Inflation and life crises will come. Doubled by the number of people you bring in. to my fellow poly doms, it’s like fire prevention. Don’t let that spark burn your house down.
7. Understand that I’m high right now. There are no official references to what I said above and we don’t know each other. But if you wanna share and learn together. Let me know. Dinner with the old lady may interrupt though
