The sunrise wakes me up. It throws bolts of sunlight through my blinds and my man cave of blankets, cannabis, and snacks.
Last night, I took the chamomile tea with WIllie's Reserve Indica. Out like a light.
Good thing I laid out a tray of fruit and bread last night. I am so good to me. Thank you to myself as well, that man be putting in work.
I stroll into my kitchen. My shoulders are wrapped in a microfiber blanket, thick lumberjack socks adorn my feet, and I finally found my old baggie beanie to wear. I hear bells. There's a family in a horse-drawn carriage passing by outside my window. All I can think of are all of the people who would hate to be up at 6 am, in winter, to ride in an open carriage. Sadri would snarl, her family is from the islands, she does not play that BS.
I keep my phone off and open my laptop. I'm dedicated to keeping the noise out of today. To reconnect with people after the holiday fever has died out.
Social media and news don't interest me much, fuck around and find out Obama got kidnapped. I can't handle that emotional stress right now.
I see messages pop up on the cage. Mostly stall for time texts and questions about poly. I'll find someone more interested in feeding me than their own demons. That will take some time. I've had a few women who were healthily obsessed with me. For one, I will compliment them for keeping the beast in check. It felt good to have someone want and need me but didn't make me feel used. They wanted to capture and add to my life, not take away pieces of me in order to control and take away from my life. The difference is like night and day once emotional awareness sets in. I chuckle over my tea about times when I couldn't make this distinction. Blindly grabbing at every text and notion of opportunity. "Maybe," "I just don't feel like.." "If only I could feel better about.." "You have met my standards, I'm just really picky"
They all translate to: It's not going to work.
The carriage comes back around. I take notice that there are two fewer people in it. God, I'm good.
Throwing the skillet onto the stove, I feel like cinnamon french toast and a scramble would be a good start to the day. Coffee is already brewing.
Two exes and a former playmate send me friend requests on Facebook. I delete both.
A notification pops up. A new message in my college email. I click it open. It's Donna. She's going to be taking some finance cert class.
Which means, she moved here? Oh....well this changes things.
I hear the Streetfighter announcer: "A New Challenger..."
I was just contemplating saving up for the next year and moving to Thailand or South America in July. Should I start working on finding a sub who would like to travel with me? Meh...on the road is not the place to find out glitches in the dynamic. We should be settled for at least 6 months before going. I have some friends in Thailand. I'll be there for a year or two then I'll move to Vietnam then the Philippines. Whichever one is best is where I'll hang the hat at. Rented a 3 bedroom house in the countryside for 200 bucks a month. I'll build a canoe to paddle upriver to the local market.
Honestly, if Donna could work things out with me, it would be awesome. She has the home-field advantage over other females. Tan is already in Thailand. Those two would get along. It's just Tan's schedule is crazy now that...well that's for another blog.
For those who haven't tried remote life, it isn't as barbaric as you might think. We have wifi, running water, heating, and A/C. The local market meets most of our food needs. If you want the fancy snacks, head up to the gas station. The food is raw and heavy. I miss old Mama-san, she should be 72 by now. And she makes the best chocolate covered mango pancakes on this planet. A faint thought of nagging paranoia hits me. What if she dies before I go back. Then I realized........I've never heard of a Thai woman dying from old age. They are immortal beings.
The last time I was in Thailand, I met a submissive at the beach, she was Thai and Swedish, she was on vacation with the family. It was a lucky night to find someone like her. We chose to drop pretenses, you could have sworn we had been together for years. You know the connection is solid when you can show someone your inner child and your inner grand parent.
Merry Christmas to all. I think I'll stay in for New Years' also.
