Under The Whip

Transgender Remembrances Day

There was a woman once who was a passing happy moment in my life. She was perky, innocent at heart, funny, kind and caring. I did not get a chance to really get to know her.

I knew she was Transgender.
I knew she was a little
I knew she loved pink
I knew she enjoyed coloring and stuffies
I knew she loved seafood
I was happy to celebrate a birthday with her
I was happy I got to color with her
I was so happy I got to see her hug the stuffy that my Daddy and I got her

We fell out of touch after she and our roommate parted ways. They just werent a match. During this time I went blind, and I couldnt text for a long time after surgeries and she never called. So it was hard.

A year and half later after I could see what little I can see now, I am out getting fast food at Burger King with my Daddy and my Mr Big. We are sitting waiting for our number to be called, when there was a commotion. Someone arguing with the people at the register.

Daddy was shocked and said, "Thats *instert a name because I wont for reasons* and he got up to go chase her down to talk to her but he didnt get to her in time and she had drove off.

My Mr Big went to get our food when it was time and heard the people behind the counter laughing and talking so much hate about her. Making fun of her, bullying her when she wasnt there, etc.

It really upset us. Naturally given the people we are, we of course said something and filed a complaint about it. Though I doubt anything ever came of it.

You can believe whatever you want to believe but treating someone with common courtesy and respect is mandatory. Period!!!

Anyways...

Two weeks later we learned that she opted to exit this world. I always wondered if that incident was what made her decide to do such a thing? That is maybe one of those people were just a little kinder she might have chosen that she was worth saving.

That she had a reason to live for.

Depression is a terrifying illness. It claims so many beautiful people each year. It claims so many beautiful people in the Trans Community. It breaks my heart.

It doesnt take much to be kind to someone. To give them a smile, or a kind word. You dont have to agree with them. You dont have to understand someone. You dont have to walk in their shoes, but for one second. Just one, showing kindness can save a life. Showing respect to someone can save a life.

I may not always understand someone, believe what they believe in, support things they support. I will however show you kindness, be an ear for you to vent to, a shoulder you can cry on, and do my best to offer unbiased advice if you ask for it.

I may not always agree and I definitely dont support agendas, but I support beautiful, kind people who want to be loved and accepted for just being who they are.

For my beautiful friend, fleeting as it was. In her memory, and for all those just like her that felt hopeless, lost and unloved.

I will never forget you.

There is never enough things I think expressed or written online or shown in videos on youtube and social platforms that bring awareness to people about Dominant aftercare and Dom drop. Which to me a shame because it is a topic that is important to me as a submissive/slave. The care, happiness, and well being of my Masters are the most important thing to me in this world.

I got to experience one of my Masters going through Dom drop the other day. It was hard seeing him go through it because I felt so helpless. I had NO idea what I could do help him. I understand that alot of Doms, at least ones I have talked with and grown with over time always tell me that they cannot be vulnerable because they have to be big and strong.

Bollocks!!!

As much as I hate hearing that because I desire to be there for my Masters to lean on me when they truly need it just as they are there for me. It made me so happy when my Master finally reached out and told me he was struggling, dealing with Dom drop. He did not know what would help him pull out of it.

I did not even need to be asked. I was already up off my computer. I was grabbing my kneeling cushion, even as I heard it might help if you came in here. I was already rounding the corner and there before him I arrived and he smiled. He allowed me there before him. Moving to me knees and knelt there, my fingers caressing up his legs.

I massaged his legs, resting my head there against his thighs, nuzzling while he looked down at me, rubbing his hands through my hair. Occasionally I lifted my head and peered up at him. Being blind I can barely see his face but we connected. I know our eyes met. I could feel it so intensely. He allowed me to kneel there as long as I desired to be there. Despite hurting, I chose to push through the pain for him.

When he was feeling such a state of Dom Drop, the only answer I could give him was to come humbly before him. Kneel there, comfort him from my knees. I would have done anything for him in those moments. His opening up and allowing me to see such a vulnerable moment only made me ache to serve and please him that must stronger.

We often in our own submissive hearts when we are loved and cherished and cared for, forget that our Dominants/Masters/Daddys are human. They have needs outside of the tasks, chores, and servitude they demand of us. Strong, Masculine, Tender, Loving I want it all. I crave and need it. It burns in my belly with the desire to be put before his feet.

I crave to serve his needs and desires and yes in these most intimate moments I yearn and ache to be the one that can lift him back up. That no matter how far he drops, I as his slave will be there. To do whatever he desired, or needed of me.

How often do I drop, that I am given cuddles, kisses, caresses, snackies, movies, stuffies, blankets, paci's, my favorite dinner, a movie, silly dancing, the whip, and even put to the bed for their pleasure and oh so sweetly my own just the same.

My Masters pull me so abruptly out of sub drop by doing all of these things. Sometimes the symptoms go unnoticed and we never see it. We are blissfully happy to have guidance, love, and protection that we truly forget to see them.

I wish this was something that was much more talked about. Normalized. I wish all Masters could feel so confident that when they need to voice these moments they feel safe and unjudged. I am going to make it a point to ensure that I never miss a sign again. I am going to be my Masters' sanctuary. A safe place for them just as they are for me.

Strive for that. Strive for the perfection you can have in your service. Strive for the pleasing nature of your heart to please their desires and needs. Strive to be their sanctuary, their peace. Let your Masters know that it is safe and perfectly ached for their vulnerability as much as their strength.

It is not weakness. It takes strength, courage, bravery to reveal these moments. Moments that I need from my Masters. Moments like me simply kneeling at his feet, his fingers combing my hair, his kisses upon my lips, and me there burning with need to please him.

Take a moment to hug your Dominant today. Really hug them, tightly, close, and just whisper how much you cherish them. How grateful you are that they chose you. How safe, loved, and protected they make you feel.

Look into their eyes *if you are permitted of course* and truly see through to their soul. You will feel that zing surge through you. It is intense and shakes me down to my core when this happens.

I was ffering support to someone in a Submissive forum. Not on here but on Fetlife. Her Dominant is a switch and he wants her to Service Top him and she was having a hard time wrapping her mind around this. 

So I did as any good person would do, and offered her my advice and my support. I kindly told her she could add me and chat about anything at any time. She was happy to make a new friend but then two seconds later. 

BAM.....You have been banned for ONE week because...Waah you made a friend. 

No where in their rules did it say I couldnt offer to be a support system for someone. No where in the rules did it say I couldnt add people or have them add me IF THEY WANTED TO. 

Are we seriously back in kindergarten?  So Fuck Them. Keep me banned, you have really kicked my desire to return to being a Kink Educator, Mentor, and truly a Support System in my community for fellow Submissives like me and who need genuine friends and not anyone just looking for  afast hook up. 

Anyways that jsut really bothered me, and honestly it didnt accomplish anything for them. I still got a new little friend and she and I are going to be support systems together and I wont ever let her feel alone in this world. We submissives have to stick together and lift each other up in the moments that we can. 

*hops off her soapbox*

I entered the lifestyle back in 2003 and back then I never did things safely. I never even new the term SSC. I was also a nasty little shit. I played many games and never took this life too seriously, topping from the bottom, whining to get my way and leaving Dominants that gave me a chance when I didnt get it.

Like I said...A little shit.

However that isnt the basis for this writing all of that is a story for another day or hell for just conversation anymore. So today presented me with an idea I thought I might write about.

In our discord server we had a few new people in the lifestyle join us. We are super happy that our little community is growing with such genuine and close interactions it warms my heart because it isnt just a community. It is a massive family forming, with kind people, who are uplifting and non-judgmental.

So back in 2014 I entered into my mentorship with Sir Seven. This man was intimidating. He was the first Dominant I ever took officially seriously. He did not accept me as a mentee at first.

He told me I was too spirited and that my mouth was what was going to ruin me because I am bold, opinionated, forward, and brutally honest. He told me I speak very much in a Dominant manner. He told me with that he never believed I was ever going to be a proper, obedient and pleasing submissive.

I truly just believe I am completely misunderstood.

Do I actually talk like this on voice and in person. Absolutely. However I know my place as a submissive. I respect that people that to me are the very definition of Dominant. Not everyone gets that respect from me. Sir Seven however truly was the first.

I had to truly beg him to take me on. I had to swear and cry and talk until I was blue in the face to explain exactly how desperately I wanted to serve and to please and be properly trained as a submissive. How I so desperately need to take this lifestyle seriously. He had his doubts. He was skeptical every step of the way. He took on the challenge of polishing the rough edges of my rebel heart and soul.

So that brings me to why I am writing this. First I am and always will be forever grateful and proud to have been taught by Sir Seven. He was honorable, honest, intelligent, and ethical. Now my first two lessons I will NEVER forget. The Allegory Cave, written by Plato and how it represents todays society and BDSM.

99 pages of utter torture but in the end, after reading it again, and again, and then using it for my own teachings and mentoring, a very much treasured book, and tool in bringing people through some much needed turmoil from their inner battles with accepting who they are in this life and being happy and better off with being who they are.

The next lesson was choosing my scene name and learning that you use it at all times in this lifestyle. Online personas, public play events, etc etc. That it is necessary to remain extremely discreet in this world. The lifestyle, the community is my home. It is where I belong with all of you, while I sit so pretty wrapped in rope at my Masters' feet. I learned that with this identity came intense and deep responsibility. That if you see a coworker, a friend at a public play space, you never know them. When you leave and go back to work, you never saw them there.

I have noticed that today many people do not apply this to their lives. I have noticed this as well in our Discord server. Anyone can choose to live however they want. They can do BDSM however they want because what is right for them, is right for them. Period.

However my name is Ava. It is a slave name granted to me by the use of my Masters. I am proud to be called Ava. It has been carved into my soul and honestly I prefer it over my actual name.

Bunny-Bites is just a cute way to express myself but at play spaces, local dungeons, munches, conventions, etc. I am Ava. It makes me feel submissive. It makes me feel beautiful. It is an impression of my slavery upon me as my Masters have given it to me. It is also protection from the outside world.

We know how dangerous the world can be. Vanilla people despite them not believing they are kinky when we all know a smack on the ass or pulling of some hair definitely is kinky even if it isnt to some extremes. We know they judge us, call us weirdos. Still I am sure some out there would never hesitate to cancel us out of our jobs like the society today tends to do.

Ridiculous...I know.

Honestly if we arent hurting anyone else, and our partners are consenting to the dynamic we share and love so much, and we arent forcing this life down their throats, then people cant say shit about it, In my opinion.

Still regardless of my personal feelings I just thought I would share that information that my dear mentor had once advised me of and that I love so damn much.

1. Think of a name that fulfills you. Makes you feel empowered as a Dom/Top. Makes you feel submissive or super kinky as a Sub/Bottom.
2. Adapt that to your life by using it on your kinky social platforms.
3. Then at public play spaces and events. Use this name as your name and inform people it is your scene name.

Plus the benefit is it can make you feel all sorts of ways when you take on a persona like this. It can be your freedom to shed the mask of the everyday life and truly put on the face of whom you really are.

It does that for me at least.

I have no idea where the days went. I thought they were going to be long, lonely, and hard. yet here we are. Ten days later and its already Halloween. 

So it is noon right now in my area, and my Master leaves for the airport in two hours. His flight will be in early evening and I will be there, eager and happy to be back in his arms. 

Yesterday was a great day filled with conversations with close friends talking about BDSM topics and today I get to be with my Master Calvin. two GREAT days in a row. I am truly blesssed. 

I hope everyone stays safe today if you are going out to celebrate, or be with family and your kids to go trick or treating. I will be home, snuggled up, horror films and dinner with both of my Masters. 

I always try to be mindful and understanding when it comes to my Dominants. I say TRY because there are moments where I am so down in the dumps that it doesnt always happen. During these times I tend to lose myself and forget that just because I dont see something, doesnt mean it isnt happening.

I am certain I am not the only one guilty of doing this.

I bring this up because yesterday I was talking with a new Dom friend that joined our discord server. She runs classes on Zoom for Disabled and Kinky people. Anyways she asked me how does my relationship/dynamic work with me serving two Masters. She asked me if we ever get jealous and what not.

YES. Yes we do. We are human. There are moments that we are jealous. Moments we feel inadequate. Moments when we feel that we are never enough, or that our partner values time with the other over us.

I will admit at first it was ROUGH.

There was a lot of fights at first. Damon and I are hot tempered. We both came from families that did not know how to communicate. So a ton of arguments ensued. Calvin actually got us to calm down and learn to communicate better. On top of that Damon had always been in Poly relationships. This is my first experience. I was navigating uncharted waters. So was Calvin. I have moments of feeling guilty for being with another partner instead of Damon. I had moments of feeling not good enough for either one because I was jealous.

I can honestly say that three years later we are in a great place. We communicate our feelings. When we feel insecure about the relationship we now voice those insecurities and we obtain reassurance from each other. Is our dynamic and relationship perfect? No, of course not.

So this brings me to why I wanted to share all of this. I have moments when I feel like my Masters are not present. That I feel that I am left to my own devices. That they do not know what I am doing, where or when or how, but of course they do. I just cannot see them doing it.

This was brought back to my attention the other night. My Master Damon and I were laying in bed snuggling. Instead of watching a show before bed we just talked and shared a few tiktok videos. He made me cry. I promise in a good way.

So a little context I have an eating disorder called ARFID. Or Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder. People with ARFID are extremely selective eaters and sometimes have little interest in eating food. They may eat a limited variety of preferred foods, which can lead to poor growth and poor nutrition.

When I tell you that I never think about eating it is an understatement. It is why one of my rules by my Masters is to make sure I eat at least three times a day. It is hard however becuase NOTHING sounds edible. Smells make me want to vomit. Textures that my brain doesnt like, nope going to vomit. Flavor if it tastes funny, vomit. Sometimes I have to close my eyes and just put it in my mouth chew it fast and swallow.

Take for instance Tacos. I used to LOVE tacos. In fact my ARFID made me love Tacos soooo much I had to have a taco every single day. Then we got a roommate who lived with us and he was heavily into spices. The hotter the better but he didnt have good hygeine so now, the smell of any sort of Taco spices make me want to vomit and it triggers me to the times he would walk by me.

I dont mean to come off mean but that is what happens to me.

So now my Masters have to give me a coping stuffy sprayed in their cologne or other calming scent whenever they cook with Cumin, Garlic, Onions, or any other spices with Peppers.

So now you have a bit of contezt and I am willing to talk more about my eating disorder if people want to know more about it through my DMs.

Anyways back to the main point. As I was talking with my Master Damon and sharing TikToks and earlier that night I was upset. We were having issues finding me something to eat for dinner. Becuase once again,, ARFID, and I feel like a burden because I know they get frustrated. My entire faimly gets frustrated and its not because I am a burden, despite me feeling that way, I know it stems from them feeling helpless to help me.

but my Master Damon made me cry. He showed me some videos on TikTok of a teenage boy who suffers from ARFID. He was sharing tips and tricks that he and his mother use to help him. He showed me that he had all these videos saved. We watched them and I just wanted to curl into his arms bury my face into his chest and just cry.

In my insecurities I coastally feel that my Master Damon doesnt desire me, or want me, or I am never enough for him. I never feel like I am on his mind even though he is texting me all the time at work. I know alot of this stems from my childhood trauma that I am working on.

but I cried so hard because in the background. When I am feeling these things, he can just open up TikTok so easily and reveal that I dont see him thinking about me, but I am on his mind. That something like my eating disorder is something that is on his mind, that he is trying to find a solution to make it better for me.

That he is trying to turn eating into something I can enjoy again, something that doesnt make me sit here crying at every meal because I cannot fathom eating, and I cannot change the fact that I throw up most of what I do eat.

I am NOT bulimic. The vomiting is involuntary. It is just my body.

Anyways I am even crying writing this. It is something I dont always share with people who arent super close to me and do not understand, but I felt brave today. I felt submissive and loving today.

I feel deep and great appreciation for my Master Damon because he always finds a way to humble me without even trying. To remind me that I am his. That I am on his mind. That he loves and cherishes me. That he desire my happiness just as much as his own.

That he cares for me deeply to suffer thousands of videos and articles because he doesn't want me to suffer.

So just remember when you feel like your Dominant is not paying attention to you. That maybe you just arent fully seeing the big picture. That maybe when you think they are absent mindedly playing on their phones they are actually researching ways to benefit you.

Just do me a favor. Reach out to your partners today and just give them a big hug and let them know that everything they do for you. You appreciate and love them for.

I love you my Masters. For everything I know you do, and especially for everything I cannot see that you do for me.

I dont know what peoples problems are. When you message someone and want to get to know them off of fetlife and they inform you of the other platforms they use. If you arenet willing to obtain the platforms they use then you have no right to be pissed off that they dont choose to use the ones you use.

Dont come into my DMs and be upset I only use Discord. All because I refuse to use Snapchat or KiK. Sorry but those to me are apps for cheaters. I aint about that life.

Dont want to use Discord thats fine, but take your bullshit attitude somewhere else.

So I was listening to an old video by Rope Aficionado. I will be attending his up coming discussion/class: Truth and Torment: Consensual Interrogation with SirGuy

I am huge into mind fucking games.

Anyways he was interviewing someone in his video and one thing they were discussing and talking about were rules for his slave girl and why one in particular applies. It is a rule I pretty much have as well. So it fascinated me.

During my years in this lifestyle I have come across so many men who lack respect and decency for other Dominants. One of them for a long time had been my friend until I saw his true colors. Recently I had one Dom say, I refuse to talk to other Doms I only talk to submissives. Gross!!!

So the Dom in this video was saying when he is at a convention or a local Dungeon or play party he has rules for his submissive. Like no talking to Doms without permission. No giving out hugs to people without permission.

His Sub, HIS Rules.

Anyways one time he was confronted by someone asking him why he does this? Was he insecure? He came back and said No. He is not insecure. It has nothing to do with that. He said it has everything to do with being included with his relationship and submissive dynamic. He said it also reinforces his authority and power exchange with his submissive.

I have rules like this for the most part. I am allowed to message other Dominants. They are permitted to contact and talk to me. I have complete transparency with my Dominants. The moment someone messages me, I tell my Masters. Dom or sub I get excited and go, my Master so and so is messaging me.

My rule starts when they want to add me or move conversation to discord. Which is the main chatting platform I use due to its accessibility for my blindness.

You would NOT believe how many times I hear that my rules are bullshit. That I am my own person and I should be able to talk to and add whoever I want whenever I want. Now granted if I cared to do relationships the way these new generations do, I would likely agree, however I dont. I dont have five guys in my back pocket of DMs stringing them along just in case my current relationship doesnt go the way I want.

Relationships take work, and I am here for a real connection and dedication.

My submission is NOT a joke. It is NOT a game for me. It is not something I just put on in the bedroom to get my kinky orgasms. It is my life. I am submissive by nature. I am passionate about my loyal and loving servitude.

So not many people know about the rule that I have and where I got it from. It was NOT demanded of me by my Dominants. It was not of their own creation.

When we negotiated our contract and rules and expectations etc. I Begged them to implement this rule and enforce it. They have NEVER told me who I could and could not be friends with unless that person is abusive or emotionally harmful. Even so this was something I wanted and anyone arguing over this rule takes away my consent and my agency.

and for what? So you can send me a dick pic?

I even asked one of my Masters, why he actually likes having this rule in place and without missing a beat he said because it makes him feel as though he as more control over me and it affords him the opportunity to protect me.

I love these two men of mine so fucking much!!!

So we as submissives never really fully understand why our Doms do anything. We can ask them and sometimes they might answer but not always. Sometimes we get that, Because I said so. Which if you are like me....fucking sucks but Meh, they are the Dominants and we are their property.

Yummy word, Property.

So for me my rules are a form of respect. You dont have to become best friends with my Dominants,, even though i think you should. They are amazing fucking people and you are missing out. However you do have to accept and respect the rules they set forth for me.

You dont have to like my rules but you have to remember this is MY Dynamic with MY Dominants and I chose them, just as much as they chose me, and I am THEIR slave girl. They protect my heart, body, mind and soul.

They do not give me the rules they have given me because they are insecure. They gave them to me to control me. They gave them to me because I gave them my control. I begged them for structure, guidance, love and protection.

In return they trust me to be obedient, pleasing, and respectful.

I want my Masters included in my life, and in this dynamic with me. If that means you have to go an extra step to ask them to add me on Discord, then why is that so difficult? If you have to wait a day for me to have a discussion to ask them if its okay for me to add you, why is that so difficult?

Arent you a Dominant? Dont you understand the dynamic between a Dominant and a submissive? Wouldnt you expect your own submissive/slave to be obedient to you and follow your rules?

Then respect mine!!!

I dont want to write this but I am going to. I am hoping that once I write this it will help me feel better and to move on, and if I still cant then maybe people can offer me advice on how to get through it.

First let me add some context. I have a major issue on letting things go, or moving on from a situation. I dont understand or even know why my brain is like this. Things that have happened years ago still makes me super angry today and even if I dont think about it all the time, when I do, I am still as angry now as if it just happened.

Now I have suffered in the past as a child growing up severe child abuse and neglect. I have been working on healing that part of my life so I can be enough for just myself.

So the point of this post. I have been sitting in my anger. I know it will sound silly when I tell you why. One of my Masters had to fly to visit his mom for ten days. He has some personal matters to attend there during this time. I know, I know it is ridiculous. It is ONLY ten days and I should be grateful that he is returning because other relationships are completely online, or long distance.

I also know Anger is a mask for a different actual emotion.

The issue I am having is I dont know what emotion is being masked. I know he could have cut his trip down to not be so long. This is the Master who is my main caregiver for my disabilities. My other Master is gone four days out of the week for work. Though we will manage because this is a reoccuring trip that happens four times a year.

However tell that to my anger. Tell my anger to be rational. I have explained this to both of my Masters. They know I am angry. They understand it. My anger does NOT and never will get in the way of my service.

As my Master Damon has told me time and time again. I have every right to be angry but I can be angry from my knees in

service.
I have never been more humbled in my life then when my Master Damon has said that to me. It hits home.

So I am angry that he is not here right now. I am angry that he didnt cut his trip short. I am angry that I can snuggle him when I want to. Or give him little bunny bites on his wrist when I am being playful. I am angry that I miss him, and that I feel like I cant breathe when he is not near me.

So yesterday was hard. We dropped him off at the airport. I hate watching him walk away and head behind security where I cant see him anymore. I am always hoping one time he would just turn around and say he changed his mind. Even though I know I have to be selfless and let him go.

My Master Damon did wonders for me. he spent alot of time with me. We had tacos for lunch so I could have some comfort food. We listened to one of our audio books together on the ride home. Instead of having some big dinner that night we just ate cereal in bed and curled up together and watched a tv show.

Not going to lie that was the best coping and care Ive had in a long time since my Master Calvin, aka Mr Big has had to fly back to visit family. So I am extremely grateful.

Today is going well so far. My Master Calvin doesnt have much to do today so we can spend time together in Discord. My Master Damon is off work today so he is also with me and some of our friends in discord hanging out.

It has helped me alot. I just dont want to sit here anymore in anger mode. Fluffy Bunny with her claws and fangs out. I want to be humbled, and sweet, and kind and loving and affectionate.

Writing helps me. Keeping my mind off things helps me, if anyone else has any other ides on how to release this anger or ways they help move past anger. Especially when its not even rational anger, for the love of all things kinky, please help!!!

I am not going to lie when I say I think I have found a small kink community family today. Something I did not think was possible anymore.

I attending a Kinky and Disabled Inclusivity discussion zoom class today.

Let me just say that the kink community is vast but as I was sitting here listening to what people have endured and sharing my own experiences I have realized that my local community is not very disability friendly.

The local dungeon that we have in our area, is not wheel chair friendly. They arent deaf friendly and they certainly arent blind friendly. The room is always super dark, and being blind I cannot see at all in the day time so being in a room that is very dimly lit is basically no visibility for me.

I have gone there before I was blind so I know they mark the play spaces with tape but the tape doesnt have blind textures to indicate they are there. They arent reflective or neon colored to indicate where they are so navigating the place spaces safely is impossible for me.

The seating is minimal at best and if you dont get there early and set up before others you wont have a seat to sit on. Granted there is plenty of floor space to sit but for people like me with massive nerve damage in their leeg from a knee injury and a broken back injury sitting on a hard floor for a long period of time is impossible.

However this group gave me some inspiration for some great ideas to shoot over to the owner of the establishment and just offer my advice/suggestions. Lets face it I havent been back there due to the safety issues on top of lack of inclusion since I have become blind.

A lot of the people in the conversation are people who are just like me. Struggling with their disabilities, and navigating kink as best as they can. It was doms and submissives alike in this discussion. Wide ranges of disabilities around the globe and each person shared their experience and advice and suggestions on how to make kink even better.

I have never met an entire group of people that have instantly made me feel comfortable and at peace than I have today. They host discussions and classes every two weeks and I truly believe I will be attending all of them from here on out. It has motivated me to reach out to people. To step up even with my current disabilities and help our community. Possibly even volunteer now at events to assist with my doms of course other people with disabilities.

As an artist I can find other ways to spread awareness as well.

For the first time in a very very long time I feel whole again. I feel connected to other people and the feeling is intense and energizing. I am not ashamed for being disabled. I have been grieving for so many years since I became blind, feeling trapped in my body, in my mind. Not knowing what to do, where to go, who I can talk to or even where to go to find people like me in the kinky world.

For a day like today that was going to be super sad for me since one of my Dominants has to go out of town for ten days and I am struggling with being away from them. This discussion class has made the day so much better. I see many friends in my future and a family being formed with these people already.

Finding people who can relate and understand what I am going through is a need of mine. Finding friends is a massive need of mine and feeling as though I have found that has calmed the anxiety down alot.

I am excited, and hopeful for the future. Something I havent felt in a very long time.

If anyone else out there is disabled or in a relationship/dynamic with someone who is and you are terrified to attend a class or discussion group. By all means please reach out to my DMs. They are always open.