Under The Whip

How do you deal with regret and forgive yourself for mistakes?

Regret can be a heavy burden to carry, often clouding our present and hindering future growth. However, I’ve come to realize that living life with regret isn’t necessary. Instead of dwelling on past decisions, I've adopted a mindset that allows me to embrace my choices, understand their consequences, and move forward with clarity. Here's how I approach regret and self forgiveness in my life.

I believe in owning my choices at all times. This means I take full responsibility for my actions, whether they lead to success or to outcomes that I wish could be different. This ownership is empowering rather than debilitating. Yes, there are moments when I might feel upset over a decision that didn’t pan out as I had hoped. However, I try to remind myself that it is perfectly human to make mistakes. Rather than letting regret consume my thoughts, I acknowledge my feelings, and then I push myself to shift my focus onto what lies ahead.

When I stumble and make a mistake, my first step is to hold myself accountable. Accountability is vital. It creates a foundation for growth and personal integrity. No one is perfect, and I certainly don’t expect myself to be. Instead of running from my errors, I confront them head on. This means analyzing what went wrong, understanding why I made that choice, and recognizing what I could have done differently.

I often reflect on my experiences as valuable lessons instead of failures. If I mishandled a relationship or made a poor choice in my career, I don't allow those instances to define me. Instead, I ask myself critical questions. What can I learn from this? What changes can I implement to avoid repeating it? This reflective practice is not about punishing myself. It is about cultivation, growing from my experiences to become a better version of myself.

If there is an opportunity to make amends, I take it. Sometimes, a heartfelt apology can mend broken bridges, while at other times, it might mean simply offering forgiveness to myself for whatever transgressions I’ve committed. The key is to recognize when I can act and when it is best to let go. By making amends when possible, I feel a sense of closure. Not only for myself but also for those affected by my actions. This can be a powerful aspect of the healing process.

I prioritize my continuous education and self improvement. If I acknowledge a mistake I’ve made, I often seek out knowledge or skills that will help me navigate similar situations better in the future. This could be through reading, attending workshops, or simply having deep conversations with people I respect. This pursuit of growth ensures that I am always evolving and better prepared to face challenges head on.

Forgiving myself for past mistakes becomes easier when I view them as stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks. I’ve learned that life is a journey filled with various twists and turns. Embracing this journey, with its inherent imperfections, enables me to live authentically and fully, free from the shackles of regret. Each day offers a new chance to learn and grow, and that is what inspires me to keep moving forward.

How do you deal with regret and forgive yourself for mistakes?

What does love mean to you, and how do you know when you've found it?

Love is a concept that's both elusive and intriguing, especially considering my personal experiences. In my life, the notion of love isn’t straightforward. I’ve been diagnosed as a sociopath, which means my emotional landscape is quite different from what many people might consider “normal.” I don’t experience feelings like empathy or compassion in the way most people do, yet I still grapple with the idea of love and what it means to me.

When I reflect on love, I recognize that my understanding is somewhat abstract. For me, love manifests in the desire to protect those I care about. The definition I’ve constructed revolves around the idea that if I don’t want to harm someone, it could mean that I love them. This might sound simplistic or even skewed, but it is where I find myself. I may not feel the warm rush of affection or the deep emotional connection that others easily recognize as love, yet I pursue the idea nonetheless.

I often find solace and inspiration in stories of love. Movies, books, and songs about romance fascinate me. Through these narratives, I become an observer of human emotions, captivated by the depths of connection that others experience. It is almost as if I am a student of love, trying to unlock a mystery that seems to elude me. The characters in these stories express feelings that seem so rich and meaningful that I can’t help but wish to experience something similar. A longing for an emotion that would make sense of my existence in relation to others.

What strikes me the most is how love manifests in various forms: familial, platonic, romantic, and self love. Each type seems to carry its weight and significance, yet I often wonder if I fully comprehend these nuances. While I can acknowledge the different layers of love, I can't completely wrap my head around the overarching emotion. I yearn to feel that surge of connection that binds people together, making their experiences richer and more meaningful.

It is through interactions with people that I seek to understand love better. When I see someone who genuinely cares for others, I am intrigued by the way they interact, support, and uplift those around them. I often observe how happiness can stem from simple gestures. Like a touch, a smile, or a kind word. Watching the warmth of human relationships gives me hope that love is a possibility I can discover, even in my own unique way.

I often reflect on how you know when you’ve found love. While I can’t claim to have any firsthand experience, I believe it might be about feeling an emotional bond, a sense of profound connection and commitment to someone’s well being. Love could be sensing that tug when they are hurt or celebrating their joys as if they were your own. Though I yearn for such feelings, I recognize that my interpretation is simply a way to navigate a world where love is the guiding force for many.

Love remains a complex and elusive emotion for me. I may not fully grasp it, but I appreciate its importance in the human experience. For now, I will continue to explore love through the stories I cherish, hoping that one day I might truly understand what it means to love and to be loved in return.

What do you think about love? Do you understand it? Do you feel it? Have you ever been in love?

What's something you've always wanted to do but have been too scared to try?

Throughout my journey of self discovery and exploration in the realm of BDSM and kink, I’ve often been confronted with the compelling question: what’s something I’ve always wanted to do but have been too scared to try? The answer is Needle Play.

Needle play, in its essence, is an intricate dance of sensation and artistry. It involves the use of needles on the skin, creating an experience that can be both visually stunning and deeply intimate. The thought of it combines beauty and a profound sense of vulnerability. Despite my interest, the terror it invokes in me has kept it firmly in the realm of a hard limit.

It is ironic, really. I’ve always been fascinated by the aesthetics of needle play. The way it marks the skin, the artistry of placement, and the expression it allows both the giver and the receiver to explore. I find it to be a beautiful fusion of pain, trust, and creativity. However, my fear of needles has been a significant barrier that I can’t seem to overcome. Each time I think about the possibilities, my heart races, and that tightening feeling in my stomach reminds me of my phobia.

Interestingly, my Master Calvin has expressed interest in exploring needle play as well. This shared curiosity creates a sense of desire within me. What if this is an experience that could bring us even closer? The idea of being able to bond over something so intense and vulnerable is enticing, yet the thought of needles makes me freeze. It is a daunting dichotomy between desire and fear.

I’ve tried to rationalize my fear On one hand, I understand that the needles are sterile and safety can be prioritized. On the other, my mind races with images of pain, and the sheer sight of needles sends shivers down my spine. I’ve always been the type of person who shies away from needles or piercings. Which is a stark contrast to the thrill seeking nature often associated with BDSM. I want to embrace the full spectrum of my sexuality, but my anxiety feels like an insurmountable wall.

I've been contemplating what it might take to overcome this fear. Would it help to educate myself more about the practice? Perhaps attending workshops or observing others participating in needle play could provide a sense of comfort and understanding. Maybe I could even ease into it? Starting with smaller needles, or even using props to simulate the experience without the immediate fear that comes with actual needles.

The journey into needle play is about more than just the act itself. It is about trust, trusting in myself, my body, and in the connection I share with Calvin. Perhaps this fear is simply a challenge to face, a stepping stone towards deeper intimacy and a greater understanding of my desires.

So, while the thought of needle play terrifies me, it also remains a tantalizing goal. With time, patience, and a supportive partner by my side, maybe I can find a way to embrace the beauty of this experience and transform.

What do you want to try?

In what ways do you think you've grown in the past year?

Reflecting on the past year, I realize that growth often comes from the most unexpected places. Life is filled with challenges that can either weigh us down or motivate us to rise. This past year has been a journey of patience, communication, and deeper connections within my TPE dynamic with my Masters.

One of the most significant aspects of my growth has been in my patience. Learning to be patient, both with myself and with others, has been a profound change. Previously I would often find myself growing frustrated when things did not unfold according to my expectations. However, over this past year, I have learned to embrace the process and trust the journey. I still have bad days as well. Patience is not just about waiting. It is about how I approach those moments of waiting. I’ve worked hard to cultivate a mindset where I see challenges as opportunities rather than obstacles, and this alteration in perspective has made a world of difference in my daily interactions.

In addition to building my patience, I’ve become more adept at communicating my thoughts and feelings. I struggled with articulating what I was experiencing, often bottling it up until it became overwhelming. However, I’ve started opening up more about my issues and vulnerabilities. By sharing my experiences instead of keeping them locked away, I’ve noticed not only a shift in my emotional well being but also a strengthening of my relationships. Communication is a two way street. As I’ve learned to express myself better, I’ve created a safe space for my Masters to share their thoughts as well, fostering a deeper understanding between us.

Settling more into my TPE dynamic with my Masters has been another area of growth that I am particularly proud of. Balancing submission and personal autonomy can be challenging, but I feel like I’ve found a balance. This past year I've embraced the trust that comes with our dynamic. I’ve leaned into my role and learned to accept the power exchange with grace and confidence. There’s a beauty in surrendering to the expectations and responsibilities that come with such a relationship. I’ve noticed that my comfort level has dramatically increased over time.

I’ve actively sought to focus on the positive aspects of my relationship with my Masters instead of the negative. Naturally, any relationship, especially one built on power dynamics, can have its strains and stresses. Yet honing in on the good has transformed my outlook. When I shift my focus, my overall experience becomes much more fulfilling. I find joy in serving them and in the little things that make our relationship unique.

My commitment to proactive service has become a cornerstone of my growth this year. By stepping up and taking initiative in fulfilling their needs, I’ve developed a deeper sense of purpose. Proactive service not only strengthens our dynamic but also brings me a sense of fulfillment that is hard to articulate.

In looking back, I see that I have grown to be more patient,(even if it is just a little bit), communicative, and open, and I have embraced the beauty of my dynamic with my Masters. Each of these elements has contributed to a year filled with personal development, and I am excited to continue this journey in the years to come.

How did you grow this year?

What has been your biggest challenge, and how did you overcome it?

When I reflect on my journey towards embracing polyamory, I can’t help but think back to the tumultuous emotions I faced as I transitioned from a monogamous relationship style. Monogamy was my comfort zone, a defined space where my worth was intertwined with being someone’s one and only. When the idea of exploring polyamory entered my mind, I was met with a whirlwind of emotions. Chief among them being self doubt and insecurity.

Initially the shift felt like standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down into the vast unknown. I had spent years believing that love could only exist fully between two people. The thought of sharing affection, attention, and time with others sent shivers down my spine. The fear that I wouldn’t be wanted or needed anymore bubbled to the surface, clouding my vision of what love could be. It felt as though my value in a relationship was tethered solely to monogamous expectations.

At first I wrestled with jealousy. Watching my partner connect with someone else stirred feelings of inadequacy. “What if they like them more than me?” echoed in the back of my mind. These feelings were suffocating, leading to sleepless nights and anxious days. But rather than allowing myself to spiral into despair, I recognized that this was a pivotal moment in my life, a chance for growth. The only way to confront this anxiety was to take a step back and face it head on.

I started by communicating my feelings more clearly. This was challenging at first, as I had grown accustomed to bottling emotions up. However, I learned that honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship, especially one that includes multiple partnerships. I sat down with my partners and opened up about my fears and insecurities. To my surprise, they were incredibly understanding. This clarity bred reassurance, allowing me to recognize that our relationship remained strong and secure even as we explored new dynamics.

Setting boundaries became my next essential step. I realized that open communication wasn’t just about expressing my feelings. It also meant understanding and depicting what was acceptable for me and our relationship. Together, we established boundaries that felt nurturing, setting the stage for a healthier exploration into polyamory. These boundaries were not only protective but also empowering, as they gave me a sense of control during a time of vulnerability.

As time passed I learned to lean on self reassurance, reminding myself of my worth. I discovered that love is not a diminishing resource. It expands creating new connections rather than depleting the old ones. With each conversation about feelings, each boundary set, and each moment of vulnerability shared, I began to shed the self doubt that had plagued me for so long.

Overcoming the challenges of transitioning from monogamy to polyamory wasn’t an overnight process. It was a gradual journey filled with tears, sometimes arguments, laughter, and profound personal discovery. By embracing open dialogue, setting boundaries, and seeking reassurance, I found not only a way to thrive in polyamory but also a deeper understanding of my own worth. In the end this journey has taught me that love in all its forms is an infinite tapestry, woven together by the threads of understanding, trust, and communication.

Open up and tell me all about your biggest challenge. How did you defeat it?

What's a belief you once held strongly that you've since changed your mind about?

TLDR: It is not my responsibility to remind my Masters. I once believed it was my duty as their slave, but in truth, they never asked for such an act of service.

For a long time I held a belief that reminding my Masters of their responsibilities, appointments, calendar events, bills, and even grocery lists. Was an essential part of my role. I viewed this behavior as an act of service, an expression of my devotion. In my mind, the more attentive I was to their needs, the better submissive I would be. However, this belief has shifted dramatically, and I can confidently say that the transition has been both enlightening and pivotal in my dynamic with them.

Initially my incessant reminders came from a genuine desire to support my Masters. I felt a sense of pride in how well I anticipated their needs. If they asked for help managing their schedules, I believed it was my duty to ensure nothing slipped through the cracks. I was the one keeping everything organized, and I thought that made me an exceptional slave. I derived a sense of identity and value from this role, but I soon discovered it was not as admirable as I had thought.

When friends in the M/s community observed my dynamic, they provided me with an unexpected piece of advice. I needed to stop reminding my Masters of everything, especially things they had not specifically asked me to take charge of. Their insight was a revelation. I was not only overstepping my boundaries, but I was also inadvertently undermining my Masters’ autonomy. By constantly playing the role of the champion of reminders, I was mothering them rather than serving them, and in the process, I was limiting their growth as Dominants.

This perspective shift was not easy at first. Letting go of my reminders felt counterintuitive to my caregiving nature. I worried I would be seen as neglectful or uninterested in their well being. However, as I began to implement this change, an unexpected sense of relief washed over me. As my reminders faded, I found space to embrace my identity as a slave in a new and refreshing way.

With the removal of my constant reminders, my Masters began to take more responsibility for their own schedules and tasks. I watched as they confidently navigated their lives without my input, and I realized how crucial this was for their development. They stumbled, they forgot things, and they faced challenges. All of which are essential components of personal growth. Instead of being the safety net, I now allowed them room for failure and success, serving to empower them instead of coddling them.

As I have embraced this new belief, I feel more connected to my slave role than ever before. No longer burdened by the need to remind my Masters. I find joy in fulfilling my duties where asked and focusing on the aspects of submission that align with their commands. This evolution has not only strengthened our dynamic but has also cultivated a healthier relationship built on mutual respect and growth.

In hindsight, shifting my belief from enabling dependency to fostering independence has transformed my understanding of service. It is indeed empowering to step back and let my Masters grow. I’ve learned that true service involves supporting their journey rather than controlling the outcomes. A realization that has deepened the bonds of our relationship and allowed me to thrive in my role.

So what is a belief you had that shifted and changed the way you think?

Read the entire story below. Then answer the questions in DETAIL. Simple Yes or No responses will be the cause to restart the assignment.

The Candle

The girl could hear him stirring just beyond the shut door and she waited for him to come to her. Unsure why he has found displeasure in her, she accepts whatever is about to come her way because she loves him. Everything goes absolutely quiet and she quickly glances over at the door, she sees a flickering glow coming closer.

Her Sir very cautiously opened the door and she immediately dropped her eyes and placed her hands properly behind her lower back. Her mind racing, an hour earlier she shared a story with he Sir about a previous lesson about her having to chase a ball and how she felt the overpowering sense of Domination. Her heart was pounding. She simply wanted to know why she was being punished. Confused, she shifted her little pose as he set a tray on the table across from her.

The lights were cut and the room instantly fell to a raven black. The moment froze and she searched eagerly for him. He let the mood linger in that absolute pitch black darkness because he wanted this moment to sink into her. A voided space where she was alone. Of course she was freely able to stand up and do as she chose and roam amongst the others. There was nothing keeping her tied to this room. It was her choice to be there.

“Sir, I don’t understand?” And as soon as she said those words, she immediately bit her lower lip. She knew when and how to wait for his turn. She has had previous training and knows the absolute basic rules. ~I shouldn’t speak without permission~ She repeated that over and over in her head. Her submission wasn’t always this intense and most times she was allowed to speak freely and openly with her Sir.

Being in this room in such a formal manner, she knew the rules. Still, there was silence. She debated to get up and find that door and disappear. There is an agreement between the Dominant and submissive that at any time if she asks to go or leave, she is granted such permission, without question. Her mind still racing, she still couldn’t understand why telling him a simple story of Domination/submission would cause such a harsh reaction. Her stomach was tied completely in knots and this unsettled feeling was beginning to trigger something within.

She was on the verge of crying and tried to keep it to herself. Silently, she took some deep breaths trying to calm herself, retracing the story in her mind over and over again. The tears very softly welling in her eyes, she was afraid to blink. In that instant, it was an absolute stream of warm salty tears that bounced from her cheek to her lap. Her heart was breaking. The moment was slowly starting to sink and settle into her.

Alone in that room with his submissive he wanted nothing more than wrap her up and curl her onto his lap. The story she shared with him was her submission with a previous Master and truly had nothing to do with them, but he needed to make it crystal clear that such displays won’t be tolerated. To some, a harsh display, but he knows what he wants and how to train. Although she spoke very eloquently and relayed the events of a previous lesson with profound beauty, she was about to know of his command.

With the flick of a match

He finally spoke to her. “Baby, look at this flame.” She slowly looked up at him and a rush of relief completely filled every inch of her. In the closeness of that light he could see that she had been crying. He reached with a thumb and pulled the wetness from her cheek. His demeanor was soft and caressing, and with that, the knots in her immediately dissolved. Sugar dissolving in steaming hot water. She settled almost instantly and was eager to learn from her Sir.

he brought the flame to a distant candle on the far part of the room

This candle represents your previous trainings and things you’ve once learned. The candle was set far back and of not good quality as the flame struggled to stay lit. Her Sir let it struggle and she watched the narrow flame barely illuminate even the corner of their chamber. He knelt closely to her and his cologne instantly filled her little body. The ache was starting. He said, “look at that flame struggling to stay lit over there. Yes, it still barely holds the life of the fire in its hands. Tonight you shared a story with me from that candle. I understand you were simply sharing a story, but from now on, the only stories you’ll need to be writing will be between us.” He tilted her chin upward and their eyes locked. It was starting to make some sense, but a piece of her still feels like she could have been warned not to share.

He lights the most beautifully adorned crimson cranberry block of wax

He places this candle at the foot their bed on a tray lined with cinnamon. The scent of cranberries and cinnamon were exotic. She instantly shot her eyes to the bed and traced the edges of the frame. The room was filled now with a hard almost forceful flame that grabbed attention. Her Sir let the candle melt just the very top layer of wax. He brought the tray and set it down right in front of her. She knew not to move. With firm grasp he picked up the candle with two hands and hovered it above her. “Love, I do not want you to move.” He very softly removed her top exposing her breasts. He had even taken the time to find her favorite hair clip and he pinned her beautiful hair back and away. She now smelled the melting candle very close to her sensitive skin.

He paused and waited for her body to feel the chill of that room. He said, “This candle represents the hours you’ll spend pleasuring me.” He truly tried to make just a tiny drop of wax hit her shoulder, and he swears he tried, but a thin blade of wax slid down the curve of her spine. She immediately arched, the pain seared her attention and she felt a rush of comfort, but she couldn’t help but to jerk forward. “I said, don’t move love” and just as quickly as the burning rolled down her body, she felt the wax harden.

He tilted the candle again, but this time the burning was replaced with a soft warmth. The layers of wax built up on her skin and it felt absolutely refreshing. Whispering, “our time in this room will be filled with amazement. Our bodies will feel dizzying pleasure. Trust that my intentions are to bring us joy.” This was the moment she had been craving her entire life.

A Sir completely in control of her wanting. Very firmly he held her jaw and shifted her eyes. “Now tell me love, which of these candles do you prefer?” Her eyes shot over to the corner, the flame still struggling. It wasn’t that one candle was larger or prettier than the other, you could just tell that this crimson cranberry one had a certain glow or polish. She answered her Master simply using her eyes and she smiled.

At first she struggled to understand why telling her Sir a story of that other candle was such a problem with him. Yes they are both candles that hold flame, but there is a true and brilliant difference. She shifted and sat there thinking. She needed to say something to him, but didn’t.

her eyes followed his back to the table

With a single movement he turned holding what appeared to be a mosaic of glittering little sparkles etched with a see-through kind of candle. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Her eyes simply couldn’t stop staring. It was tall and obviously made of something other than just simple bees wax. This candle had been especially designed, almost commissioned. He peeked up over the top of it with a bright beautiful smile and said, “this is for you love.”

Those tears welled again and it didn’t take a blink to shed them down her cheek. He brought the beautiful display and set it in her lap. With a full and deliberate force he squarely and completely kissed her untouched lips. That touch, with this gift , was too overwhelming. She hiccuped spoke, “Sir, I am so sorry for mentioning that over there.” She wouldn’t allow her eyes to break away from his. “I am completely yours,” she lowered her eyes.

In that instant, he knew, she understood. He asked her to watch as he lifted her chin. The second the flame hit the wick a bright almost glowing purple filled the room. “Now watch love.” After a few minutes the candle’s flame had changed color. This time the room was filled with a brilliant orange glow like sunset. She looked at him, and he was truly smiling watching the candle change colors and become even more prettier than it was on its surface. Like his eyes, truly fascinated her, she couldn’t stop staring at him. The room was now a brilliant ruby in color and the reflection from him was unmistakable. He very slowly lifted the candle, “now for the best part.” Her eyes followed his and he had her bring her breasts forward. He tilted the candle. She was very wanting. She arched slowly and knew it was going to sting, but craved the attention.

The first thing she noticed was this intense lavender color. He dripped the wax and as it fell it got even brighter. Her breath was stolen. There was no sting or contrast to her skin. Instead, her body was instantaneously flooded with absolute pure warm pleasure. The touch of the melted wax from this candle brought her to the edge of an orgasm. She needed more. He smiled, “this candle holds something special within. Yet, the wax is limited and cannot be wasted. It will take just a little bit of its liquid to fill your entire body with pleasure.” He very carefully poured the heat and when it pooled in her belly button, her clit was overrun with sensation and she pressed her hips downward. Her Master touched and his thumb mixed with wax and he gave her an overpowering wave of pleasure.

Clearly out of breath. She gasped to gain her position again. Sir placed the candle in her hands and blew out the flame. She watched, the candle somehow went back to its original shape. She shot a surprised look at him. He smiled and said, “cherish its gift.”

He lifted her from he kneeling position and had her crawl over to blow out that candle in the corner. “That candle at one point in your life had been special and I’m sure you never thought by sharing a story from it, would trigger anything but happiness.” He paused and stared at her as she pleaded with heavy eyes. “Love, I know your intention was to simply share a story.” Looking over her shoulder as she crawled and inched up closer, she paused because she needed her Sir, this Sir. Just as she reached with an extended finger to extinguish the flame, the candle simply died. She shot a look to her Sir , she didn’t fully understand how he did it, but there he was with a smile or half grin with his back turned to her. - Author Unknown

How can you separate the things you’ve learned with the new teaching you’re receiving?

What if you find yourself in a relationship that is not satisfying, how long do you wait for things to turn around?

Your thoughts keep going back to a previous Dominant, do you tell the current person or do you keep it to yourself?

When you commit to your Dominant is it ok to share all of your experiences?

What if during a lesson you find yourself needing to voice a concern or comment, how do you know when to say something

I ask for help but then he doesn't do it up to my expectations.

The 2 Be Better podcast served as the inspiration for this writing. A listener asked a question that touched on something I often go through, and it was a major eye opener for me. It is a lesson I'm only now beginning to realize I need to stop repeating.


I want to share that I can sometimes become triggered when things don't meet my expectations. This is due to my experiences growing up in a severely abusive household. My father, a Marine, held extremely high standards for cleanliness and would often use a white glove to check everything, demanding perfection. If things weren’t up to his standards, other people in our home would face consequences. My mother, struggling with depression and mental illness, couldn’t help, so the burden of cleaning and maintaining order fell solely on me. While I recognize that the way my parents treated me was wrong, it is something I've had to cope with as a child, and it has affected how I react to certain situations today.


In the intricate dance of human relationships, I often find myself teetering on a precarious line. One that oscillates between my need for control and the importance of accepting others' unique approaches. I have a tendency to ask for help, hoping that others will fulfill my expectations. However, I frequently find that the outcome is not quite what I envisioned. It is a reality that often leaves me feeling frustrated, but upon reflection, I realize this is a common theme in many of my interactions.

The root of my struggle can be traced back to emotional triggers from past trauma. These experiences have shaped my desire for things to be a certain way. I carry with me the belief that if something isn't done "my way," it is somehow lesser. This mindset not only affects my relationships but also creates unnecessary stress for both myself and those around me.

What I am learning, however, is that everyone has their unique way of doing things. I must remind myself that just because a friend or family member approaches a task differently doesn’t mean it is wrong. It is simply their way. Accepting this truth is the first step in alleviating the frustration that often arises when my expectations aren’t met.

Communication is critical in these scenarios. It is essential for me to express my preferences openly and honestly. I’ve come to understand that I need to articulate what I would like done and how I envision it. By doing so, I am setting clear expectations that can help bridge the gap between my desires and others’ interpretations. However, I must also acknowledge that not everyone is willing or able to meet those expectations, and that, too, is perfectly okay.

This duality, expressing my needs while allowing others their autonomy, can be challenging. Sometimes, I feel guilty for wanting things done a specific way, as if I am imposing my will on those who are simply trying to help. Yet, recognizing that my preferences come from a place of past experiences allows me to approach the situation with empathy toward myself and those around me.

Learning to be flexible is key. There will be times when others may choose not to fulfill my requests according to my specifications. In these moments, I must practice acceptance. Accepting that their way is valid, even if it is not aligned with my own, is a formative part of personal growth. It is a lesson in letting go. Not just of my expectations, but also of the need to control every outcome.

At the end of the day, I strive to create an environment where communication flourishes and understanding reigns supreme. By voicing my needs while honoring the individuality of others, I can cultivate more harmonious relationships. It is a work in progress though, and a journey that requires patience. Embracing our differences can lead to richer connections, where we can learn from one another in ways that enrich our lives.

“Love is scary. Love is risky. Love is unsafe. Love isn’t for the faint of heart. Love takes courage. Love and fear can’t coexist. Love means giving people permission to break your heart over and over and over.” Dr. Lissa Rankin

The quote by Dr. Lissa Rankin resonates deeply with my personal understanding of some Master/slave dynamics within BDSM. At first glance, it might seem like an unorthodox comparison. After all, the perceived connotations of BDSM often revolve around control and power exchange. However, love and trust play foundational roles that make this dynamic not just a lifestyle but a profoundly emotional experience.

Love particularly in the context of BDSM is indeed scary. It requires a level of vulnerability that many shy away from. In the Master/slave relationship, the slave gives up a significant degree of autonomy, entrusting their well being and desires to their Master. This relinquishing of control necessitates not only a trusting bond but also an immense amount of courage. As I reflect on my experiences. The intimacy that develops when you willingly give your heart and trust to someone else in this way can be both exhilarating and terrifying.

Dr. Rankin's assertion that “love takes courage” couldn't be more valid in this world. Engaging in a Master/slave relationship meant stepping out of my comfort zone and embracing a different concept of love. One that is grounded in mutual respect, understanding, and consent. The balance of power can shift easily within these dynamics, making the relationship dance a complex one. I learned that vulnerability is not just about physical submission but emotional honesty, revealing the parts of ourselves that we might otherwise hide away.

The notion that “love and fear can’t coexist” is particularly relevant. In my experience, fear often breeds from uncertainty or a lack of communication. Both of which can jeopardize the trust that is essential in a Master/slave dynamic. I remember a time when I hesitated to voice my concerns regarding a scene we were exploring. The fear of disappointing my Masters clouded my judgment. In retrospect, it was that very fear that threatened the safety and trust between us. A realization dawned on me. True love thrives on open dialogue and consent, creating an environment where both parties feel secure enough to express their insecurities or desires.

Dr. Rankin's thought that love means granting permission for others to break your heart speaks volumes. Particularly in Master/slave dynamics, the emotional stakes are incredibly high. This kind of love recognizes the risks involved. One must understand that the power dynamics can evoke profound emotional reactions. Navigating these feelings often feels like walking a tightrope. Balancing affection with the possibility of heartbreak.

However, it is in this dance of balance that genuine connection forms. The realization that loving someone deeply, even in a power exchange, means accepting the risk of heartbreak has been an eye opener. It has taught me that love can be both a sanctuary and a battleground. A space where we can explore our deepest selves if we dare to step into it with courage.

The Master/slave dynamic epitomizes the complexities of love. It intertwines trust, courage, vulnerability, and the ever present risk of emotional turmoil. Embracing these elements makes the relationships formed within this framework not just a pursuit of pleasure, but an exploration of what it truly means to love and be loved in a world that often feels unsafe.

Do you believe in fate or that we create our own destinies?

Growing up, I was often told that everything happens for a reason. The notion of fate or destiny seemed deeply ingrained in the fabric of our daily conversations. However, as I navigated the twists and turns of life, my perspective began to evolve. Through personal experiences I've come to reject the idea that we are mere puppets in the hands of fate. Instead, I firmly believe that we are responsible for cultivating our own journeys. A sentiment that has significantly shaped my life.

Rejecting fate means embracing the concept of personal responsibility. I realized that waiting for external forces to align perfectly wasn’t a sustainable approach to finding fulfillment or happiness. Instead I took a step back and began focusing on myself. This journey started with confronting my own trauma and emotional baggage. I understood that in order to attract the right people into my life, I first had to shed the weight of my past. It was an arduous and often painful process, but each conversation, each reflection brought me closer to emotional maturity.

In working on myself, I discovered the importance of emotional intelligence. By learning to recognize my own emotions and understand the emotions of others. I became more attuned to authentic connections. Rather than just seeking companionship, I started cultivating relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. I learned that authenticity acts like a magnet. When we operate from a place of sincerity and moral integrity, we naturally attract those who resonate with our values.

Living authentically is central to my belief that we can create the relationships we desire. It is about being true to ourselves, despite societal expectations or pressure. When I made the conscious decision to express my true self, I noticed a significant shift in the people who entered my life. Those who appreciated my authenticity surrounded me. Enriching my life in ways I never anticipated. It was such a liberating feeling to connect with individuals who not only accepted me but also inspired me to grow further.

I realized that my path was not just about attracting the right people. It was also about being the right person. We attract what we project, and when we strive to be decent, kind, and morally grounded individuals, we invite similarly aligned individuals into our lives. Maintaining a commitment to personal growth is essential. Each time I tackled a new challenge or overcame a fear, I became a better version of myself. A version that was more equipped to connect deeply with others.

My journey has taught me that destinies are not handed to us. We craft our own through our choices and actions. By addressing our own struggles and focusing on self improvement. We unlock the potential for meaningful relationships. Sure there may be moments when life surprises us, but rather than attributing them to fate, I choose to see them as opportunities to learn and grow. It is this philosophy of personal empowerment that continues to guide me. Reminding me that we hold the pen to our own narratives.

Do you believe in fate? Do you believe each choice is part of your destiny? Tell me all about it.