Under The Whip

I have a morning routine/rituals that I do every single day, unless there is something like a doctor appointment or something we have to do that morning.

My day usually starts with me waking up. I get to take a bath first thing in the morning to help wake up and relax my body.

My Master and I eat breakfast together after that, and often we share funny videos with each other via tiktok or youtube, or things that we find interesting and get to have deeper conversations.

After that it is off to the bedroom. Where I am either put into Obeisance, or if my body is not able to do positions that day I am to sit there with my eyes down on the floor in high protocol.

My ritual is then read line by line to me and I echo my Master in reciprocation. We do this ritual because it puts me right into my submissive headspace. I got the idea from a video that I watched on youtube.

At first I was just listening to her video and affirmations alone for ten minutes to put myself into the submissive headspace but then during one of our weekly Dom talks, my Masters asked me if I would like them to take what she is saying, and sort of work around into their own variation?

So they took some of what she says in the video, they came up with a little bit of their own stuff and molded it all together and now I have something beautiful. What makes it even better is that my Masters also recorded it into a voice recording for me to do incase one of those mornings they are too tired, or arent available.

So after I repeat it then depending on what is going on that day, the appropriate collar is placed around my neck. I kiss the back of their hands and place them to my forehead and then after that I ask how I may serve them that day.

It is one of the best parts of my morning to do this. I need structure and daily routines and when my routine is interrupted or changed it sort of ruins my day a bit. What can I say I am a creature of habit.

I love being able to find things online, whether in videos, podcasts, blogs, etc..and being able to take what they are doing and create a version for ourselves.

So thank you to all the people willing to share their journeys, ideas, thoughts, opinions, and advice. Believe me you arent falling on deaf ears.

To serve his every need and desire.
Fuels my deepest submissive fire.
To burn with passion so devotedly
Humbly on my knees with loyalty

His dominant gaze and proud smile
Makes pleasing him worth the while.
Through his trials I will not cave
For in his arms I have been saved.

As the waves crash upon the shore
With his love I will forever soar
Following him is a must
In perfect love and perfect trust.

I am attending a Disabled and Kinky class on Sunday and I could not be more excited. My Doms are both going to attend it as well. I think it is important because honestly there really is not a ton of information out there, or hell even creative ways to Kink with people who have disabilities.

It has been really difficult being blind, I cannot do normal everyday chores the way I used to. It has been more difficult doing those things or even having the confidence to try because people, (NOT my Doms) have discouraged me. Saying things like I am not capable, or when i try to clean its...You missed a spot, etc. So after that, why would I want to?

Let alone I broke my back about 9 years ago at work. Years before that I broke my knee dancing, so kneeling, dancing things like that are extremely painful. With my back being broken, walking for long periods of time, kneeling in different positions for long periods of time, or even just driving in a car for an hour can sometimes have me down and out of the game for days at a time.

So my Doms are having to get really creative. Especially since my brain gets bored so easily.

So yes I am a disabled blind kinnky ass submissive that has issues doing things but hell I am capable of trying and if I fail, I fail. Being a service submissive with a perfectionist trauma response, failing is so damn hard.

Now despite ALL of my issues. My Dominants have their own issues as well. Everyone has them. it is inevitable. Someone has something wrong with them whether they want to admit it or not. No one is perfect.

My Dominants do not get enough credit for being the people they are. Hell I am guilty of whining, complaining, throwing a tantrum here and there, or accusing them of not trying hard enough when i feel that they arent.

Sometimes I too need a taste of humble pie.
Which I got yesterday when I read an old writing of mine.

One of my Master's is having health issues but he is still going to work every single day to provide. He comes home to spend time with us. He still smiles at me, talks to me, does some chores that I just cannot do. He makes time to devote to assisting me with things. He is also an artist, so when i need new things for my twitch, he makes them, etc. He hardly ever has time for just himself, though I do my best to give him time. He is in the middle of writing a fictional novel so I encourage that greatly. He is Daddy when Need snuggies, cartoons and my sippy cup even when he has no strength to do it.

My other Dominant has a migraine condition and despite all of his constant headaches, which I am sure I add to. He still maintains a massive Dominant presence every day. He is my main caregiver. He is a chef at home. He is Mr Big when my Daddy is not here. He puts bandaids on me when needed. He helps bathe me when i just cannot do it. He does so much and dealing with his own damn stresses, pain, and family stuff, on top of my issues, and family stuff. I do not know how these two handle life, and also being my Doms.

Like I said, they dont get enough credit, and I feel I just do not ever show enough appreciation for them.

I have realized that for months now I have been stuck in this selfish phase of me, me, me. What I am going through. The stress I am under. The betrayal I feel from people. How I am coping. It has been hard realizing I have been doing this. It is even harder holding myself accountable.

Which I hate doing, but I have to do it.

I am going to start taking a better step forward. I may not see all that they are doing when I cannot see them in the five percent of vision I have left, but I am going to remember that just because I cannot physically see it, does not mean they arent doing anything.

I am going to communicate with them better how I am feeling in the moment. Not sit here like I usually do and let things fester. I am far more mature than that. I can voice my insecurities in the moment. I can do my best to discuss a trauma response. I can do my best to minimalize the things that trigger me. I can very well apologize for any bad behavior I might display, and beg for forgiveness when I have done wrong.

I am humble and honest enough to admit that I have not lately appreciated my Dominants as much as I should have. I can begin again and make steps to show them more how I appreciate them. How I love them. How I need to serve and please them. The fact that I know deep down they are doing their best with the tools they have. That my Masters are enough for me.

So my suggestion to the submissives out there. Take a moment to look at your Dominant. Really look at them. Appreciate them for the people they are outside of your dynamic. Appreciate everything they do for you. Just remember that you might not know or see everything they are doing for you. Know they are just people. They are doing their best, just as you are.

and to my Masters. I love you both so much. I am so grateful for all you both do for me. I know it is not easy or simple. You both are the strength and very air I breathe. I will do my best to never take you both for granted.

You know you would think that is being the year 2024 there would still be hope for humanity. That there are signs of intelligent life out there and yet all I see are reasons and excuses for the need to have warning labels. Sometimes I think and feel that the Spartans knew how to continue their culture correctly.

Still I look to the people in our community with the utmost respect because here I find the most open minded and forward thinkers. So it still amazes me when I come across people who write things in community groups that still think in such an archaic backwards and selfish way:

I can't give my submissive girl oral, because that would be an act of submission on my part.

I won't allow my subs to cum, because they are not worth it.

Why would I give pleasure to something that's beneath me?

My sub should not feel any pleasure because as the Dominant, I am the only one who is supposed to feel that.

I mean seriously? First off this screams massive insecurities. Secondly just how selfish you are. Clearly a taker and never wanting to give in a relationship. Thirdly if you think a submissive is not a human being worthy of respect then youre just an abuser in my eyes.

You need to remember that a submissive is a role they step into. A decision THEY decide to make in order to please and serve. It does NOT make them less than you. It does not make them unworthy of love, affection and respect.

I may choose to kneel, to serve and please but I am still your equal no matter what. Treating me any way outside of the agreement of our dynamic will never be permitted or tolerated.

I also want to add if you feel that pleasuring your submissive is an act of submission then who really is in control of that dynamic and relationship? What about forcing them to have an orgasm? Wouldnt that be your choice? What about making them be silent and endure you going down on them for as long as it pleases you no matter how sensitive and overwhelming it can be?

Isnt part of being a Dominant to guide, protect, help your submissive grow? What if I told you that for a lot of people an orgasm is a great way to be grounded. A great stress reliever? What if I told you that having orgasms at the hand of your Dominant makes the submission deepen?

Perhaps some more self work is needed on the part of the Dominant that says these things and believes these things? Some introspection.

Now if you have agreed to that sort of Dynamic more power to you. If that is what you need and desire then there is no judgment. I have simply in my past been with men like this. They arent my cup of tea.

For me its a two way street. I am eager and happy to serve and please your needs, desires and wants. However I as a person, a woman have needs as well and if you arent willing to reciprocate in the dynamic and relationship for this tango dance to work.

Well Sir...There is the door!!!

It has been a rough year. I had some major family issues to deal with and in turn my Dominants are right by my side in the thick of it with me. That is how I know they love me so damn much.

To sum it up my parents needed help so they are now living with us. Dementia issues and health issues etc. Needless to say we have to financially and physically take care of everything.

So this has sort of pushed a wide bridge in between us, in regards to us being able to just openly live our lives the way we had previously been doing. You know things like, a collar on at all times, me naked in the house and just having sed whenever and wherever we desired.

We cannot just do that when others are up and about. Plus the added stress is tiring everyone out.

That being said before family moved in I used to sometimes sleep under one of my Dominants desks throughout the day while he did work, or I would be able to lay down with my head in their lap on the couch as they watched television, or eat at their feet on the floor, etc.

It has made me very depressed. These are things I enjoy and need.

So last night I had enough. I was feeling so subby. My need was high and as much as I would have loved hours and hours of orgasms and writhing beneath them. I was humble and opted to serve.

Everyone was asleep and it was late but I grabbed a blanket and a nice pillow and I begged my Master Calvin if I could kneel before him on the floor while we just vegged out watching Tiktoks. He permitted it. So as I am on my knees my arms wrapped around one of his legs I began to massage him. His feet, ankles, calves thighs.

Fuck I missed doing this so much. I am still on a high from it. Intoxicating.

We talked a little and eventually the phones were shut off. There was just us and I was eager. I peered up at him, and with what little I could see I stared with a fiery yearning I havent felt in a long time since we got put into this mess eight months ago.

"My Master, may I please serve your pleasures?" I begged him.

It was needed and after he allowed I began to worship him properly. Kisses all over his body. My fingers touching, caressing everywhere. Each inch, my nails digging in lightly, and just when I was eager enough his cock slipped right into my mouth.

It felt like an eternity. I miss him choking me, pushing my head down further holding me there and allowing me to breathe when he chooses. I love that primal guttural sound in the back of his throat that rumbles up through his chest.

I loved the way he gripped my hair and pulled my back and said be a good girl and get to the bedroom. How he laid down and allowed me to return to my longing of pleasuring him with my mouth. The taste of his sweetness on my tongue. How it makes me tremble with such need.

That sensation of him throbbing in the back of my throat as he erupts rope after rope of delicious bliss. Nothing in this world is more sweet than this very moment.

What makes it even better is the moment in a breathy word he speaks, "Nestle!"

My one command to slide up his body, and rest my head on his chest, my arm and leg draped over him so tenderly. The way he caresses his hand through my hair, kisses my forehead. How loving all of it is in all of its dirty kinky bliss.

No, I did not need the pain. I did not need to cry or be grounded. I did not need intense multiple orgasms. No I only needed to be who i naturally am. I only needed to do something for him. I needed and craved to serve. I needed to make sure he slept hard and was relaxed enough to do so.

How satisfied I was after. How hard I fell into that sensation. How I only needed to please him. To love him. Oh how I have missed the desire and chances to feel this way.

I dont even know what to truly say here. I dont want to make this first entry too long as it is just a tiny introduction to everyone.

My name is Ava. I am ninety five percent blind. Sadly this website does not offer TTS so I will have many typos for everyone to endure.

I am an artist. I paint on canvas, and also create digital art, which I might share on here from time to time.

I used to be a dancer, until I was injured.

I live with and serve two very amazing Dominants. Trust me pleasing one Dominant can be difficult, pleasing two...is a trial but I feel I do my best in my abilities while I still grow under their guidance.

I stream on twitch, and I enjoy gaming in our spare time. I do game with my Dominants, and its nice to know I can have submissive tasks inside of a video game. Which is not easy to do when you can barely see.

I love to laugh and be goofy. I try to find humor and beauty in all situations even though I am a pessimist.

I dont like to constantly write about butterflies and sunshine. I find to many people only want to paint those stories and make their lives seem like fairytales. So while I write here, I will do my best to do so with complete honesty, and in real color. No beer goggles here.

Life is messy. Hell I am messy. Relationships are messy. So be prepared to keep with me on this journey and dive deep into my very messy mind.

It definitely needs to be decluttered.