Under The Whip

I entered this lifestyle 23 years ago, and whew, I was extremely naïve. Painfully literal. I stepped into the Gorean side of things first, and honestly? I learned almost everything wrong in the beginning. I had no support system, no informed consent, and absolutely no education. I hadn’t done my research, didn’t know the language, and didn’t even know what questions to ask. I was 19, far too trusting, and very much “young and dumb” in the way only experience can fix.

I was told I was never allowed to say no. That as a slave, I was not allowed to have any limits. Whatever a Master said went, whether I was okay with it or not. Safewords? Didn’t even know what those were. Unsurprisingly, that dynamic ended fast.

Because while I choose to be a slave, I also choose self respect, and autonomy. I can submit, surrender, and serve while still having boundaries, limits, and deal breakers. Those things are not opposites, they coexist beautifully.

Zero Limits? Yeah… No.

Over the years, I’ve met a lot of people who are new to the lifestyle, or who simply refuse to do the bare minimum of educating themselves. In my experience, they usually fall into two camps.

• They think they already know everything
• Or they’re just too lazy to care

Most people I’ve met who loudly proclaim they have zero limits are submissive types, but I’ve also run into Dominants who try to bark orders and announce they “don’t allow limits, contracts or safewords.” My response is always the same, I briefly educate them, and then tell them to fuck off. Just in kinder words.

I have zero interest in unsafe behavior!

Here’s the hard truth,

Claiming to have no limits doesn’t make you edgy, fun, attractive or evolved. What it does do is put a giant neon sign over your head that says “Predators Welcome.”

People who think that way are far more likely to be harmed, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and often not in consensual ways at all. Worse? It also signals that you are not a safe person to be in a dynamic with. I don’t want to be friends with people who won’t take the small amount of time it takes to look inward and identify even their most basic boundaries.

Where Things Changed for Me

Everything shifted when I met my Mentor and his lovely girl. For the first time, I felt validated. For the first time, I had a voice. They gave me a starting point and taught me something incredibly important, There are non negotiable, set in stone boundaries that should apply to everyone.

If someone, or something, cannot give consent, it is a hard limit. Period.

• Children
• Animals
• The deceased

None of them can consent. Anything involving them is a hard NO. My morality aligns with this completely. The same goes for anything that causes real harm to others (not consensual kink) or involves criminal behavior. Also a hard no.

“But I Don’t Have Limits!”

We all tease people who say that. I’m guilty of it. You probably are too, or will be eventually. It happens. When people complain that we’re “taking it to extremes,” I do that on purpose. Extremes make the point clear. Because guess what? Those same people always have limits.

Can we cut off a body part? No.

Rob a bank? No.

Give up your children for full time service? No.

Hand over every paycheck forever? No.

Okay, let’s go less extreme, I guess. Extreme is subjective, so keep that in mind.

Dark, extreme bruising?

Financial control with a stranger?

Scarification?

Branding?

Forced body modification, piercings or tattoos?

Shaving your head? (It’s just hair, right?)

Changing your religion?

Who to vote for?

Limits exist. **Every single time. **And here’s the most important part, Your hard limits are yours. They require no explanation.

A no is a complete sentence!

Anyone trying to negotiate a hard limit is not someone you should be playing with, because they don’t respect boundaries.

Saying you have no limits does not attract the right people. I don’t care how convinced you are otherwise. If I flipped the script and became a Dominant tomorrow, a submissive claiming zero boundaries would be an immediate hard pass.

Self awareness is attractive.

Healthy boundaries are attractive.

Autonomy and agency are attractive, no matter your role.

The only people genuinely interested in you having no limits are the dangerous ones we don’t want in this community.

Limits Can Evolve, and That’s Great!

Now, let me be very clear, it is okay to revisit limits. You can say, “This has always been a hard limit for me, but I want to try it.” It must be your idea, your choice, and free from coercion. I’ve done this myself. Bastinado was a hard limit for me due to health reasons. One day, I decided I wanted to try it. We did, and learned I can do it on one foot only. Knowledge gained. Limits respected. That’s how it should work.

Why Limits Matter (Beyond Safety)

Limits aren’t just about physical safety. They show that you understand,

Your mental state

Your emotional health

Your triggers

Your body’s physical limitations

It is okay to say, “I usually love this kink, but today my body is operating at a level four, and I just don’t have the capacity.”

That kind of awareness makes you safe, mature, and deeply valuable in this lifestyle. Please, take the time to learn yourself, so others can learn and love you better. Be aware of the risks. Mistakes will happen. That’s life. But you can minimize harm by educating yourself and honoring your boundaries.

It took me eight years in this lifestyle to fully understand that I was allowed to do all of this. Having limits does not make you weak. It does not make you a coward. It does not make you any less of an incredible Dominant or submissive.

If anything, it makes you stronger.

I Need People to Stop Pretending It Is

I want to talk about something that gets constantly misunderstood in power exchange dynamics, especially by people who claim authority but avoid responsibility. **Discipline is not the same as funishment. **They are not equal. They are not interchangeable. And they do not create the same reactions in my body or my mind.

When I am given impact as discipline, it carries meaning far beyond sensation. It comes with the very real knowledge that I have seriously misstepped. That I have displeased my Masters. That I failed to meet the expectations I knowingly agreed to when I entered this dynamic. That weight matters. It humbles me. It grounds me. It reinforces my place. And most importantly, it holds me accountable.

Funishment, on the other hand, can exist for many different reasons. It can be playful. It can be corrective lite. It can be teasing, erotic, or motivational. It does not carry the same emotional gravity or internal reckoning. And that’s okay, because it serves a different purpose. What is not okay is, when a Dominant or Master says they refuse to spank or give impact discipline because I enjoy kinky things, or because I am a masochist.

In my opinion, that mindset is irresponsible, and yes, abusive!

Enjoying sensation does not magically remove the corrective power of discipline. Context matters. Intent matters. Tone matters. Authority matters. Discipline is not defined by whether I can enjoy pain, it is defined by why it is being given and what it is meant to correct. Using “you’d enjoy it” as an excuse to avoid discipline is, quite frankly, lazy. And in my experience, it often comes paired with something worse.

Ignoring!

I want to be clear here: there is a healthy way to create space. Being told to remove myself until my behavior is corrected, or until I can speak with respect, is valid. That is structured. That is communicated. That is still leadership. But flat out ignoring me? No response to texts. No emails. No calls. No eye contact. No conversation face to face. That is not discipline. That is not correction. That is emotional withdrawal.

And that is not healthy, it is abusive.

Discipline reinforces my dynamic. It reminds me of my place. It tells me that my actions matter enough to be addressed directly. It shows me that my Masters are willing to do the work of leadership, even when it’s uncomfortable. It shows me that I am seen. When someone tells me they won’t discipline me because I enjoy kinky things, impact play, and that I am a masochist, what I actually hear is, *I don’t want to take responsibility. *And I’m done accepting that.

Dominance is responsibility. Authority is effort. Discipline is care, even when it doesn’t feel good. So no, discipline and funishment are not the same. And using that confusion as an excuse to disengage is not protecting me. It is failing me. Bottom line: refusing to spank me or give appropriate punishment because I might enjoy sensation is lazy and abusive. So please, stop doing it.

She Came to Me in Scent and Silence

I didn’t wake up shaken by this dream. I woke up held.

In the dream, I was back at my childhood home, my Mema’s house, after she had passed. The air felt heavy in that way old houses do when they’re full of memory. I wasn’t there to linger. I was there to clean. To sort. To decide what stayed and what was finally ready to go.

And then I smelled her perfume.

Not imagined. Not faint. Present. Anyone who has lost someone they love knows how powerful scent is. It bypasses logic. It bypasses time. The moment her perfume filled the room, I knew, this wasn’t memory. This was presence. This was my Mema letting me know she was there with me, watching, witnessing, not clinging or pulling me backward, but standing beside me as I moved forward.

Cleaning her house felt like more than grief work. It felt liminal, like I was standing between the life I’ve lived and the life I’m stepping into. Every object I touched asked a question, Does this still serve me? Does this carry wisdom, or only weight?

When I found her dreamcatcher, I stopped.

I didn’t keep everything. I didn’t want to. But that, I chose. I claimed it intentionally. Not out of sentimentality, but out of knowing. I said aloud that I wanted to keep it, and I handed it to Damon. That mattered. It wasn’t about possession. It was about trust. About shared guardianship. About allowing protection to exist outside of my own hands.

And then the owl came.

A large white owl descended from above and landed on my arm. It didn’t circle. It didn’t threaten. It didn’t test me. It chose me. And it stayed.

White owls don’t carry fear for me. They carry clarity. Wisdom that sees in darkness. The kind of knowing that doesn’t need noise or force. This owl felt ancient and quiet and sure. It arrived only after I claimed what I was carrying forward. After I made a choice rooted in discernment, not fear. It refused to leave.

That’s when I understood, this dream wasn’t about loss. It was about transition. About protection during a crossing. About being guided, not pushed, into a better future.

Through a Norse lens, this feels deeply ancestral. The disir, female ancestral guardians, are said to stay close, especially through maternal lines. They don’t haunt. They guard. They guide. They witness. And sometimes they come not as faces, but as sensations. As scent. As animals that see what others can’t.

This owl could be my fylgja, my spirit companion, appearing because I’m in the middle of an identity shift, a grief integration, a becoming. It could be Freyja touched energy, tied to fate and spirit walking between worlds. Or it could simply be the shape my protection needed to take so I could understand it.

What I know is this, I am not walking alone.

Even the presence of my Masters in the dream matters. They weren’t directing me. They weren’t controlling the process. They were simply there. Witnessing. Containing. Offering structure while I did heavy inner work. It didn’t feel like submission loss. It felt like chosen safety. Like being held steady while I sorted through something sacred. This dream didn’t warn me. It affirmed me.

It told me that my grief is integrating, not consuming me. That I am allowed to keep what is sacred. That I am protected while I walk through shadow. That my intuition is deepening, and that I can trust it. Most of all, it told me that my Mema hasn’t left me behind.

She came to me in scent and silence to say, I’m here. You’re doing well. Keep going. Very fitting for day five of Yule!
 

Cheating Is a Violation of Consent, and Yes, I Believe It Is Abuse
My response to a blog post

Disclaimer - This piece briefly references my own experiences with abuse. I do not go into detail and only mention one or two aspects in passing.

I want to be very clear about where I’m coming from, because context matters. I have never cheated on any romantic partner I chose to be in a relationship with. Ever. I have cheated at games when I was younger. I have cheated people out of money when I was younger. And I have absolutely cheated myself out of good opportunities through self sabotage. I have also been cheated on.

And that last one is why I am saying, unapologetically and from lived experience: **cheating is a violation of consent, a complete betrayal of trust, and yes,, abuse. **This is my personal opinion, shaped by my own history, my own trauma, and what I have witnessed over decades, of being my father's daughter.

Why I Call Cheating Abuse
When I say cheating is abuse, I am not talking about morality, religion, or purity culture. I am talking about harm. When I choose to be in an exclusive relationship with someone, and we mutually agree that we are only with each other, that agreement is a consensual boundary. I am consenting to that relationship based on that agreement. I am placing trust in that person not to violate it.

When that trust is broken, the damage isn’t abstract.

Cheating left me with deep emotional wounds. It shattered my ability to trust. I tried to stay with someone who cheated on me, and it was one of the most painful things I’ve ever done. Every interaction became filled with doubt. Were they lying? Were they still cheating? Could I believe anything they said?

The answer was no. There was no way to rebuild trust after that betrayal.

And the damage didn’t stop there. I carried those trust issues into future relationships. I developed severe anxiety. It triggered abandonment wounds rooted in childhood trauma. I had to create very firm boundaries just to feel safe again. And yes, when you knowingly cause emotional or psychological harm, that is abuse to me. Physical harm is not the only kind that matters.

This Isn’t Just About Me
I didn’t only live this, I watched it.

I watched someone I loved endure 18 years of constant cheating. I watched what it did to her sense of worth, her stability, her ability to leave. My father cheated on my mother repeatedly. He would find a new woman, drain the bank accounts while my mom was at work, and disappear. I would come home from school to an empty house, no furniture. He was “kind” enough to leave my toy box. He didn’t leave my bed, though. I would need that when I was forced to visit him. Which I never wanted to do, but judges didn’t care about children being abused when I was growing up. Not even sure they do at all.

People love to justify cheating by saying, *“It’s better for the kids if the parents stay together.” *That argument is absolute bullshit. What actually happened was this, my mother had no support. Four kids. No help. Every time my father begged her to come back so he wouldn’t have to pay child support, she returned. And that instability shaped me deeply.

By my early twenties, I was terrified to set boundaries in relationships. Terrified to say no. Terrified that if I did, I would be abandoned. I stayed quiet, compliant, and afraid, not because I wanted to, but because that’s what survival taught me. So no, cheating “for the kids” is not noble. It is damaging. And using children as justification disgusts me.

Addressing the “Cheating Isn’t Abuse” Argument
I’ve seen a lot of arguments lately that try to frame cheating as ethically justified, often dressed up in language about autonomy, sex positivity, or rebellion against monogamy. And honestly? Much of it is misinformation rooted in a shallow understanding of consent and trauma. Yes, statistics about infidelity vary wildly. Yes, monogamy is culturally enforced. Yes, divorce is hard. Yes, sexual dissatisfaction is real.

None of that negates this truth, Consent is contextual.

If I consent to an exclusive relationship, and my partner knowingly violates that agreement while continuing to benefit from my emotional labor, trust, and commitment, my autonomy is impacted. My body, my mental health, my emotional safety, and my ability to make informed choices are all compromised.

Breaking an agreement may not be the same as sexual assault, and I am not equating the two, but minimizing the harm because “it’s not rape” is intellectually dishonest and emotionally cruel. Saying cheating isn’t a violation of consent ignores how consent actually works in relationships. I did not consent to share my emotional life, sexual health risks, or relational energy with unseen third parties. I consented to exclusivity.

Monogamy, Polyamory, and Personal Responsibility
I am not anti polyamory. I am not anti ENM. I am not anti sexual freedom. I am anti lying. If you are sexually dissatisfied, you have options, and none of them require deception.

• You can communicate honestly
• You can negotiate (and accept a no)
• You can leave

What you do not get to do is stay, lie, and then frame your betrayal as ethical rebellion. If you asked for an open relationship and your partner said no, that was their boundary. If you know you cannot be happy honoring that boundary, then the ethical choice is to walk away. Staying and cheating is not kindness. It is cowardice.

“But Leaving Is Hard”
Yes. Leaving is hard. Divorce is devastating. Economic fallout is real. Children complicate everything. I know this intimately. But choosing the option that causes ongoing, invisible harm instead of short term upheaval doesn’t make it right. It just spreads the damage over years, and often passes it directly to the children who are watching and learning what love looks like.

Children raised in homes where betrayal is normalized often grow up believing that suffering is the price of connection. I am living proof of that.

Where I Am Now
I am not healed. I am a work in progress. Baby step by baby step. What I am deeply grateful for is that I have two amazing partners in my life now, partners who understand that I carry childhood trauma, that I survived an abusive marriage, and that I am actively working to be better than the person trauma tried to turn me into.

I have come a long way in the last ten years. Therapy helped. My stubborn refusal to stay broken helped more. I made promises to myself, • I will never tolerate cheating again • I will never be afraid of someone walking away from me
• “No” is a full sentence •Boundaries do not require guilt or justification

And I will stand by this belief until my last breath,

If you think you need to cheat on someone to be happy enough to stay, do them a favor and leave. If you truly care about them, prove it with honesty. If you have children, understand that what you model becomes their blueprint. Cheating doesn’t protect relationships. It destroys people. And I will never stop naming that harm for what it is.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the Gorean novels and what they actually say about slavery, devotion, and desire, especially when compared to how parts of the Gorean Lifestyle sometimes get practiced or spoken about today. This is coming from my own heart, from a place of submission, reflection, and love for the philosophy as I understand it.

In the books, it is very clear that most often there is one slave for one Master. That bond matters. Many kajirae become love slaves, deeply cherished, deeply wanted, and deeply seen by their Masters. Even when the text explores darker or more controversial elements, such as Masters who genetically created slaves with deformities because they found them exotic. It still reinforces one powerful truth, every slave was unique. No two were the same. No two were desired for the same reasons. Slaves were not interchangeable objects, they were individuals, shaped by purpose, temperament, body, and spirit.

That’s why it truly troubles me when, in the Gorean Lifestyle, I hear kajirae tearing each other down. “She’s not obedient enough.” “She’s not pleasing.” “She doesn’t have this skill or that skill.” As if there is a single mold we are all supposed to fit into. As if worth is measured by a checklist instead of by presence, intention, and devotion.

The books never supported that idea. Quite the opposite. Masters celebrated their slaves. They delighted in their differences. One slave might be prized for grace, another for fire, another for softness, another for endurance. Diversity wasn’t a flaw, it was the point. It was what made ownership meaningful and desire specific.

As a kajira at heart, I believe this deeply, I do not need to be like any other slave to be valuable. And neither do you. We are not meant to mirror each other. We are meant to be ourselves, offered honestly and fully, for the Master who desires exactly what we are.

So please, do not berate another slave for not being you, for not serving the way you serve, or for walking a different path of obedience. She is not you. And honestly? Her Master likely prefers it that way.

Submission is not sameness. It is sincerity. And diversity, in all its forms, is a beautiful thing worthy of celebration.

Some quotes from the books. That either reference specific types of slaves, or how the Master's will and pleasure controls them.
For More Research - Please Read The Series!

It is a beautiful moment when the woman realizes that the man who owns her is her love master, and the man realizes that the girl he bought, looking up at him, tears in her eyes, is his love slave.
Then the only danger is that he will weaken. One must be strong with a love slave. If one truly loves her, he will be that strong. The slavery in which a love slave is kept is an unusually deep slavery. She must serve him with a perfection which would stun and startle other girls; if she should fail in any way, even in so small a way that the lapse would be overlooked in the case of another wench, or bring perhaps a mild word of reprimand, she is likely to be tied at the slave ring and whipped; there is a good reason for this; she is, you see, a love slave; no woman can be more in a man's power; and with no woman must he be stronger. Beasts of Gor Book 12 Page 236

Though any Gorean male might make me, in spite of myself, a panting, orgasmic slave in his arms, I knew it had been only he, Clitus Vitellius, whom I had truly loved, and yet loved. In his arms I had always been the most helpless. He was my love master. Slave Girl of Gor Book 11 Page 358

Lara's lips had been rich and fine, sensitive and curious, tender, eager, hungry; the lips of Vika were maddening; I recalled those lips, full and red, pouting, defiant, scornful, scarlet with a slave girl's challenge to my blood; I wondered if Vika might be a bred slave, a Passion Slave, one of those girls bred for beauty and passion over generations by the zealous owners of the great Slave Houses of Ar, for lips such as Vika's were a feature often bred into Passion Slaves; they were lips formed for the kiss of a master. Priest-Kings of Gor Book 3 Page 53

Ho-Hak's right ear twitched. His ears were unusual, very large, and with extremely long lower lobes, drawn lower still by small, heavy pendants set in them. He had been a slave, doubtless, and, doubtless, judging by the collar, and the large hands and broad back, had served on the galleys, but he had been an unusual slave, a bred exotic, doubtless originally intended by the slave maters for a destiny higher than that of galley bench.
There are various types of "exotics" bred by Gorean slavers, all of whom are to be distinguished from more normal varieties of bred slaves, such as Passion Slaves and Draft Slaves. Exotics may be bred for almost any purpose, and some of these purposes, unfortunately, seem to be little more than to produce quaint or unusual specimens. Ho-Hak may well have been one so bred.
"You are an exotic," I said to him.
Ho-Hak's ears leaned forward toward me, but he did not seem angry. He had brown hair, and brown eyes; the hair, long, was tied behind his head with a string of rence cloth. He wore a sleeveless tunic of rence cloth, like most of the rence growers.
"Yes," said Ho-Hak. "I was bred for a collector."
"I see," I said.

"I broke his neck and escaped," said Ho-Hak. "Later I was recaptured and sent to the galleys."
"And you again escaped," I said.
"In doing so," said Ho-Hak, looking at his large hands, heavy and powerful, "I killed six men." Raiders of Gor Book 6 Pages 15 - 16

Ho-Hak had been bred a slave, a degraded and distorted exotic, Raiders of Gor Book 6 Page 88

I have not mentioned exotics, incidentally, slaves bred or trained for unusual purposes. Fighting Slave of Gor Book 14 Page 164

Another slave, an exotic, bred for stripes, put more laundry beside her. Prize of Gor Book 27 Page 136

[More Quotes On Exotics and Bred Slaves, Both Male, and Female]()

"You will learn to
wear tunics, and silks, and bangles," I said. "You will be taught to kneel and move. You may be perfumed and painted. Swordsmen of Gor Book 29 Page 383

Just as, in our world, it is not uncommon to seek the advice of an interior decorator in obtaining and organizing the appointments of one's own dwelling, so, too, in the Gorean world, it is not uncommon to call in a trainer and beautician to appraise and improve a girl. Slave Girl of Gor Book 11 Page 216

Men are so vain. You should see how some of them lead naked, painted, bejeweled slaves about on leashes, put them through slave paces publicly, make them dance in the open for tarsk-bits, put them up as stakes in the dicing halls, and marketplaces, and such. Prize of Gor Book 27 Page 154

This was the day of my collaring. I was not permitted cosmetics. Captive of Gor Book 7 Page 269

How incredibly, and yet rationally and justifiably, I felt at his mercy. He was my master. He owned me. He could do whatever he wanted with me. He could trade me or sell me, or even slay me upon a whim, should he wish. I was absolutely his, his girl. Slave Girl of Gor Book 11 Page 108

I would allow Vika to share the great stone couch, it's sleeping pelts, and silken sheets. This was unusual, however, for normally the Gorean slave girl sleeps at the foot of her Masters couch, often on a straw mat with only a thin, cotton-like blanket, woven from the soft fibers of the Rep plant, to protect her from the cold. If she has not pleased her Master of late, she may be, of course, as a disciplinary measure, simply chained nude to the slave ring in the bottom of the couch, sans both the blanket and the mat. The stones of the floor are hard and the Gorean nights cold and it is a rare girl who, when unchained in the morning, does not seek more dutifully to serve her master. Priest ings of Gor Book 3 Page 67

How incredibly, and yet rationally and justifiably, I felt at his mercy. He was my master. He owned me. He could do whatever he wanted with me. He could trade me or sell me, or even slay me upon a whim, should he wish. I was absolutely his, his girl. Slave Girl of Gor Book 11 Page 108

A Norse Pagan Journey Through the Winter Solstice
December 21, 2025 - January 1, 2026

As a Norse Pagan, Yule is one of the most sacred and grounding times of the year for me. It isn’t just one night of celebration, it is twelve nights of reflection, honoring the Gods, the ancestors, the land, and ourselves as we pass through the longest darkness and welcome the slow return of the light.

I wanted to share a friendly, educational breakdown of the 12 Nights of Yule, what each night traditionally represents, and simple ways I like to observe them. You don’t need to do everything perfectly, Yule is about intention, not pressure.

Night 1 Mother Night (Mōdraniht)
Represents - The Mothers, Disir, female ancestors, lineage
**How to celebrate - **Light candles, honor your maternal line, sit quietly, journal, or make offerings to the Disir. This night is gentle and introspective.

Night 2 - Fate & the Norns
Represents - Wyrd, destiny, the threads of our lives
**How to celebrate - ** Reflect on the past year, do divination, write what you’re releasing and what you’re weaving forward.

Night 3 - Frigg & the Hearth
Represents - Home, protection, marriage, care
**How to celebrate - ** Clean your space, tend the hearth (literal or symbolic), cook something comforting, and focus on home energy.

Night 4 - Freyr
Represents - Fertility, peace, prosperity
**How to celebrate - ** Offer grains, bread, or drink. Set intentions for abundance and growth in the coming year.

Night 5 - Freyja
Represents - Love, magic, sovereignty, desire
**How to celebrate - ** Self care, glamour magic, devotion, or honoring your own power and worth.

Night 6 - Ancestors
**Represents - **Those who came before us
**How to celebrate - ** Share stories, set out food or drink, speak their names, or sit in gratitude for the lives that made yours possible.

Night 7 - The Wild Hunt (Odin)
Represents - Chaos, wisdom, transformation
**How to celebrate - ** Drumming, chanting, offerings to Odin, time outdoors, or embracing shadow work and truth.

Night 8 - Thor
**Represents - ** Protection, strength, boundaries
**How to celebrate - ** Ask for protection over your home and loved ones. This is a great night for warding and grounding.

Night 9 - Wisdom & Sacrifice
Represents - What we give to grow
**How to celebrate - ** Reflect on lessons learned, what you’ve sacrificed, and what knowledge cost you something to gain.

Night 10 - The Landvættir
**Represents - **Land spirits, nature, balance
**How to celebrate - ** Offerings to the land, water, or animals. Thank the spirits of the place you live.

Night 11 - The Returning Sun
**Represents - **Hope, rebirth, light
**How to celebrate - **Candles, joy, laughter, feasting, community. This is when celebration really blooms.

Night 12 - Oaths & New Beginnings
Represents: -Renewal, vows, the coming year
How to celebrate - Make oaths carefully. Speak intentions aloud. Close Yule with gratitude and hope.

Yule doesn’t have to be loud or elaborate. Some nights I drum and sing to Odin under the stars. Other nights I sit quietly with a candle and my thoughts. Both are sacred.

If you’re new to Norse Paganism, or just curious, I hope this helps make Yule feel a little more approachable, and a little more magical.

May your Yule be warm, your hearth protected, and your path lit as the sun slowly returns.

As a Norse Pagan, Yule is one of the most sacred and meaningful times of the year for me. It isn’t just a “holiday”, it is a season, a spiritual reset, and a reminder that even in the deepest dark, light always returns.

Yule marks the Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year. It is the turning point of the wheel, when the sun is reborn and the slow return of light begins. Spiritually, it represents death and rebirth, rest and renewal, honoring the ancestors, and trusting that growth is happening even when we cannot see it.

Traditionally, Yule isn’t just one day. In Norse practice, it often spans 12 nights, beginning on the Solstice. Each night holds its own energy, a time for reflection, intention setting, honoring the Gods, and connecting with kin, both living and dead.

For me, Yule is about slowing down. It is about sitting with the dark instead of fearing it. It is a time to honor Odin for wisdom and sacrifice, to acknowledge the strength of the Gods and Goddesses, and to thank them for walking with us through hardship and transformation. Yule reminds me that survival itself is sacred.

In my house, Yule is cozy, intentional, and deeply personal.

I decorate with evergreens, pinecones, candles, and symbols of the Norse Gods.

I light candles each night to honor the returning sun.

I keep an altar refreshed with offerings, mead, bread, apples, and written intentions.

I spend time journaling, reflecting on the year behind me and what I want to carry forward.

I honor my ancestors, speaking their names and thanking them for the strength I carry.

There is always good food, warmth, laughter, and moments of quiet reverence.

Something I still do every Yule is a tradition I shared with my Mema. We would make a big pot of hot cocoa, stirring in peppermint, then turn off most of the lights and sit quietly by the fireplace. Soft holiday music would play in the background, the tree glowing, the house fully decorated, and we would simply exist in the peace of the moment. I continue this tradition today, even though she has been gone for twenty years. It is how I honor her memory, and how I feel closest to her on the Solstice.

Some nights are celebratory. Others are soft and introspective. Both are equally sacred. Tonight I’ll likely step outside with my frankincense and my drum, singing to Odin and raising a toast in his honor. While I don’t have mead this year, I do have a very special imported beer from Bavaria that Calvin and I will share, and that feels just as meaningful. I’ll make my offerings to the Gods, then spend the rest of the evening enjoying the company of family and friends.

Yule doesn’t demand perfection. It asks for honesty, presence, and respect for the cycles of life. It teaches patience, resilience, and trust in the turning of time. And honestly? It gives me permission to rest without guilt.

So if you celebrate Yule, or are simply curious. I hope this season brings you warmth, peace, and a reminder that even the longest night gives way to dawn.

Hail Odin!

Hail the Old Gods.
Hail the returning sun.
And happy Yule to those who walk this path.

Skal!

I pride myself on mentoring people in this lifestyle. It is something I hold close to my heart, and I take it seriously. I tend to mentor one on one, quietly, intentionally, and with a lot of care.

I also want to be very clear about one boundary I keep for myself, I don’t mentor Dominants. That isn’t judgment, it is ethics, at least as I understand them. In my world, Dominants should be mentored by other Dominants, and submissives by other submissives. Power deserves to be learned from those who live it from the same side of the slash. But that’s a deeper conversation for another day.

That is my opinion. No, I will not argue it, in the comment section.

Recently, someone asked me what I like to start with when I mentor. What’s the first lesson? What do I teach right out the gate? The honest answer is, it depends. I know how much people hate that response. It is so vague.

Most of my mentoring is tailored specifically to the individual, because no two submissives are the same. I shape conversations, lessons, training ideas, and guidance around the kind of submissive you desire to be. I also say this early and often, I am not an expert. Not even close. Everything I offer is rooted in my lived experience and the education I’ve gathered along the way. I don’t pretend to know everything, and I never want to.

After we talk about consent, autonomy, bodily agency, and your rights as a human being and a submissive, there’s one thing I almost always say next.

Surround yourself with other submissives. As many as you can.

Please don’t make me your only mentor. That’s not healthy, and it is not fair to you. I can only teach what I know. For example, I am not a full time brat, so I would never claim I can fully educate someone on that path. I can offer perspective, sure, but lived experience matters.

Find submissives you admire. Find ones whose energy calls to you. Find ones who submit differently than you do. Each of us carries our own stories, wounds, joys, mistakes, and wisdom.

I like to think of it like a big, infinite buffet table.

Every submissive brings a dish. You get to sit at the table, talk, listen, learn, and taste. You can fill your plate with the things that nourish you, the flavors that feel right in your body and your heart. And the things that don’t resonate? You can simply smile and say, “Thank you,” and leave them for someone else. No guilt. No shame. No judgment!

Always take guidance with a grain of salt. Not everything will apply to you, and that is more than okay. It is healthy. What matters most is that you are happy, your partner is happy, and the dynamic you’ve negotiated together is consensual, informed, and intentional.

You don’t need to submit the way I do. You don’t need to submit the way your friends do. You don’t need to submit the way anyone else thinks you “should.”

You are not them. Your relationship is not theirs.

You are a unique and beautiful person, and that deserves to be celebrated, not corrected. So go to classes. Read books. Devour podcasts. Attend live demos. Ask questions. Listen more than you speak. And when possible, experience things in consensual, risk aware ways. Be informed, be cautious, and be gentle with yourself, because yes, sometimes shit happens, and sometimes we get hurt. Growth isn’t sterile. Learning isn’t always pretty.

But you are allowed to learn. You are allowed to explore. And you are allowed to become the submissive that feels most true to you.

Today, while I was playing a video game with a dear friend of mine, our conversation drifted into something heavier. She was sharing about a few men who had been messaging her, hoping to get to know her, maybe find something deeper, possibly even a dynamic. One of those conversations took a turn that made my stomach drop.

This man admitted that his last submissive ghosted him. As he explained further, he casually mentioned that she had been married and that her husband had no idea she was involved in a power exchange.

Honestly? That alone told me everything I needed to know about why he was likely ghosted.

But my friend didn’t stop there. She asked if he knew the woman was married at the time. He said yes. She then asked why he was okay engaging with her, knowing she was lying to her partner. His response was that it wasn’t his responsibility as a man to make sure a husband wasn’t being cheated on.

And just… ew.

That response made my skin crawl. What bothers me most isn’t just that this behavior exists, it is that it is often brushed off, excused, or even normalized in kink spaces. I know there are people who claim that cheating is their kink. I will die on this hill when I say this clearly and loudly, cheating on your partner is not a kink. It never has been and never will be. Violating someone’s Consent is not erotic. It is not edgy. It is not part of ethical non-monogamy.

It is harm.

I cannot be around people who lack integrity, honor, and honesty. I cannot build friendships, let alone dynamics or play, with people who are unwilling to live authentically and ethically. Cheating is not a neutral act. It causes long term damage, trust issues, self worth wounds, lingering doubt, and pretending otherwise is willful ignorance.

And here’s the part that disturbs me even more, anyone who knowingly accepts a partner who is already lying to someone else is showing me exactly how unsafe they are. If you are willing to participate in deception, you are not trustworthy. Full stop. If you will betray someone who shares a life with you, you will betray me too. I am not interested in relationships, friendships or power exchanges built on rot.

These are my values. These are my boundaries. You are free to live however you choose, but live it far away from me. If you choose to cheat, to deceive, to cause harm and call it kink, you have already disqualified yourself from my circle, my trust, and my respect.

Dominance, Submission, power exchange, and kink demand more integrity, not less. They demand accountability, consent, and honor. Anything else is cowardice dressed up.

And I will never kneel at the feet of dishonor.

Shared spaces in the kink community are a privilege, not a right.

They exist so we can come together, across dynamics, identities, structures, and lived experiences, to learn, connect, support, laugh, vent, heal, and sometimes just breathe in the presence of people who get it. These spaces are not created so someone can show up, scan the room, decide they don’t approve of the people in it, and then take that judgment elsewhere to belittle, mock, or publicly berate them online.

That behavior is unacceptable. Full stop.

If you attend a shared space and see people living their lives, practicing their dynamics, or expressing their submission or Dominance differently than you do, that does not give you permission to attack them. Just because something isn’t your way does not make it wrong. It simply makes it different.

Here’s the part some people seem to struggle with: no one else’s dynamic affects yours if you are not part of it. Their relationship does not weaken yours. Their structure does not invalidate yours. Their expression does not diminish your authority, submission, devotion, or identity in any way.

And if you claim that someone else’s dynamic “influences” you? That is not their problem. That is a you problem.

Shared spaces are not echo chambers meant to mirror your personal beliefs. They are community spaces. That means diversity. That means differences. That means seeing people who don’t do things the way you do, and learning to sit with that without lashing out.

Let me be extremely clear about my own boundaries.

People who show up to shared spaces, observe others, and then choose to judge, ridicule, or attack them, publicly or privately, are not welcome in any space I host. Ever!

The spaces I create are protected intentionally. I consider it a sacred duty to safeguard the people in our community, especially those who are vulnerable, learning, healing, or finding their voice. My responsibility is not to appease closed minded individuals. My responsibility is to maintain spaces that are safe, respectful, and free from judgment and harassment.

If you are so rigid in your thinking that you cannot coexist with people who practice kink, power exchange, or relationships differently than you do, then the work is yours to do. Maturity means recognizing that your way is not the only way. Growth means educating yourself instead of attacking others. Wisdom means understanding that community requires tolerance, humility, and respect.

This community is wide. It is layered. It is complex. And it is not built to cater to anyone’s ego.

So here is my firm and final stance, If you cannot show up with respect, openness, and basic human decency, you do not belong in my spaces. I will always choose to protect my community over indulging judgment, cruelty, or intellectual laziness.

We are not required to be the same.

We are required to be respectful.

And that is a boundary I will continue to enforce, without apology.