I can't even be here for my baby properly during his last days on earth.
All I can selfishly think about is 'Daddy is gone. My safe place is gone. Everything is gone.'
Being so fucking disappointed in yourself and others simultaneously
Is the most crippling feeling on earth.
Tomorrow at half past noon, my baby, my everything of 16 years is going to heaven. He will be happy and free of pain. He will find my dad, and he'll see how much his pups grown. And they'll start where they left off years ago. That is the record I'm playing on repeat in my brain, I can't afford anything else rn.
I'm not sure what my disposition will be after tomorrow. Honestly I'm a little scared how all this is and will change me.
I appreciate all the messages from the community. Please understand I don't have any type of mind frame to respond at this time. But it helped. So again thank you truly.
