Falling in love as a teenager is a lot. Its hot and fast and then it burns out. You think you fell out of love so then the next day you fall again. It becomes a cycle. But when you involve sex, it becomes something deeper. If you give it to too many it is just a small thing but when you only give it to special people it stays important to you it's a part of the way you show you love them.
That is what I did. Sex was a way I showed I loved someone, yes obviously that was a horrible idea. My love language is physical touch, as a young woman I thought sex was a part of that, until the person I trusted used it as a weapon. It became the only way I received "love" and that felt wrong.
So when it ended the first thing I did was take sex and used it as a way to control my life. It was very unhealthy, I had sexual experiences with complete strangers to take the power sex had out of the equation, until I met (we will call him August) he was a Dom, we went on a date after meeting online, and he told me about D/s. I told him I was/ am a control freak, and told him about experiences I had with my traumatic relationship. He said he wanted to help me take control back from that relationship and at the same time build trust in a partner again. And so it began....