So as i go through my writings and post them, I go through a multifacet of emotions. i get very sad or for a brief moment a smile curls across my face. my sadness comes from the absence of a dynamic in a lifestyle that i treasure.
i look back and see all the experiences i have had and the joy they have brought me. i desire to have all that back. But through many disappointments, i struggle with continuing on and then without notice, something pulls me back in...the need for discipline (without it i do not maintain proper head space), the desire to service (the answer is always "yes Sir") and the want to give that to someone so deserving of my submission. For being a submissive, i need to have and fulfill that purpose for without it i am nothing.
So, where do i go from here? How do i find the perfect Master for me? i am not perfect by any means, no one is. But i desire to learn to be/do what a Dominant wants and needs before He does.
i am "old school" submissive. i am respectful, obedient and playful...but not demanding nor am i a spoiled brat.
i am independent, yet i know my place is at a mans feet. if my Dominant is out there, and i believe He is, i am waiting patiently for You to find me.
i know i am not alone here. Someday it just feels like.
?bella