All that Jaz

so, it is part of who I am....and where I am....My uncle Tom has always been an influence to me. When I was younger, I always got what I thought were the coolest presents from him.  I remember one thanksgiving, it must have been 1986 or 7....My present was a cassette tape...One side was "U2's The Joshua Tree" the other side was "love and Rockets Express". In retrospect, I am guessing the full albums weren't represented....but I have since then "wore them out".  Probably two of my all time favorite albums...All the cousins went to a movie that night...I took my walkman and that tape.  That'a all I did the whole movie, was listen to that tape and fall further into the music.  The first time I got into Led Zeppelin (I had heard Stairway before, but the first time I appreciated the band) was from a copy of "The Houses of the Holy" that uncle tom left at my grandmothers house....Music has and always will be important to me, and my life style.    The music that is playing is almost as important as the scene that is happening.....in my eyes

Saw this band in the "square" in Schweinfurt....out side of the pub.

When I was stationed in Germany, I bar tended in an Irish Pub called "Fiddlers Green" .  Irish bands used to play all the the time at this beautiful underground place....I miss it, so much. 

I have never heard this song before......but it's two of my favorite Irish singers. Sinead Oconnor and Shane MacGowan (the Pogues)

I try hard not to inject any politics into my kinks.  Sometimes it isn't easy though.  I have always been a politically involved person.  That's not what this blog is about though.  Two years ago I joined a network of people, I believed in the work they were doing. I still do.  I left the organization today.  I cried typing my notice.  I just wanted to be able to document my sadness

Last night I found out that someone I held dear, had passed.  I first met him last year through his Domme.  (one of my friends)  We connected immediately, we had so much in common.  It was so nice having another male sub to talk to.  He ended up staying at my house for a week last summer.  We spent a lot of nights sitting on the porch (front and back) talking about everything.  He was my baby brother, and I feel horrible because the last few months I didn't talk to him like I used to.  This winter has been hard on me, and I "hibernated" and was more antisocial than normal.  I thought about him the other night, as I had to grab something out of the garage and saw the paddle I was making for him (still unfinished). I thought about him and got excited, because he was supposed to be moving here soon...and yet I didn't send him a message, or let him know I was thinking of him....and now I never can.

I keep trying to stuff my sissy side into hiding...Jaz isn't going anywhere though.  I have tried so hard to be a "regular" sub. No matter what, though....I need the overly girly pink, satin and frilly things in my life.  it's part of who I am....not all, but part.  That part that will never go away, and I need to accept that.

I love the winter....I have always been a cold weather person. ...My kids call me the Polar Bear....late Jan/early Feb always puts me in a no physical contact sort of of mood.  I feel bad, there are people that get me that I miss...it's been too fricking long.  I want them to know I miss them too.  I also want them to know that I think this polar bear needs a bit of hibernation. I still love y'all beyond words.