When you realize after trying to go back and date vanilla and you feel an absolute void. You realize that you can never go back. It will never be enough. So you stand on the precipice lost and unsure of your direction. The sad thing is no matter who you meet in the lifestyle or in vanilla land, you find you are comparing them to the one person that caused your heart to race. The one person that made you feel alive. Then you realize he’s gone and the sadness becomes overwhelming.
Then my mind wanders to my friend and confidante. The person who understood all too well the chasm left behind when someone you have given your all to walks away. The difference, she did nothing wrong. Me, I did everything wrong. I now understand why the person that opened my eyes to this lifestyle chose the unthinkable. The emptiness and the hollowness eats away at you and you realize there will never be someone to replace that.
I am thankful for my grown children, without them I am sure I would be contemplating her same fate.
But knowing the utter pain that would cause those who care about me, ensures that is never a path I want to take.
Occasionally I come on here to read the blogs and touch base with others, but I have no desire to have another Dom. I will just remain lost in a world that I cannot be a part of.