One size doesn’t fit all

Leaving is always the hardest part. When you are here. I am solely focused on you. Meeting your needs, basking in your control. Enjoying your presence. Breathing in your scent. Just so I have the moments to sustain me until I see you again. 
My body still tingles from your touch. Marks from you reminding me who owns me. I don’t want to sleep, to fall into a bed all alone again. But lying on the couch is no better, the scent of us still lingers. So, I sit here in silence, alone once again. Drinking wine, hoping it will make me tired. Hoping it will drown the loneliness that overtakes me everytime you walk out the door. But yet I smile as I remember lying next to you. The rhythm of your heartbeat bringing me peace. Until I see you again. I will take comfort in the memories. 

In submission I find myself. My brain calms, the rapid firing of my chaotic thoughts come into focus. I listen more. I force my brain to listen to his voice and drown out everything else. 

My mind doesn’t overwhelm me with a million conversations and I don’t fidget, I don’t open my mouth halfway through a through a conversation that was in my head. 

In this I am forever thankful to my Dominant. His patience with me. His guidance and his bringing me back from my self deprecation and self sabotage. Sometimes it is a gentle reminder, sometimes it’s a stern and direct call out. But always to teach, always with my best interest at heart.
My journey to understand who I am as a submissive has been riddled with missteps, misunderstandings and heartbreak. But mostly I cherish the joy, growth, love, acceptance, learning and awakening. 
I am ever evolving, ever improving. Learning to love myself and in that learning to trust my Dominant to enable my total submission to his control.

The moment you stop apologizing for existing, your decisions change.

Your energy changes.

The real fix is internal. 

I healed.

I built my confidence.

I became comfortable with myself.

I am beginning to understand my worth.

Now it is time to manifest, shift and evolve into the intelligent, beautiful, confident, sexy woman that I hid away for so many years.

No longer will I shrink myself to accommodate a weak individual who projects their own insecurities on others.

No longer will I use food and self deprecation to self sabotage.

Shifting to a positive, more appreciative mindset. And finally turning my light on.

Respect and trust go hand in hand with submission. Without them there is no true submission. 

You must trust him with not only your body, but with your mental wellbeing as well. 

You must respect him as your dominant in order to hand over control.

Otherwise, true submission is lost. That trust and respect come through a willingness to be open and vulnerable. And a whole lot of communication.

It is trial and error. Mistakes will be made as you learn what submission to your Dom looks like to him.

Is it worth it? Absolutely, when you find the man that makes you tremble in anticipation with just his presence. His voice has you flustered. His scent calms you and his touch has you begging for so much more. Then you know, it is worth everything.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Penetrate her soul with your deep presence.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Transport her to another dimension.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Take her to other realms of existence.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Help her heart feel penetrated by the entire cosmos.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Help her ascend beyond the constructs of her mind.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Help her feel deeper connection to the Divine.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Awaken the next level of her consciousness.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Activate the next level of her dormant gifts.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Help her feel unconditional love that penetrates her entire being.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Help her dissolve her deepest fears with every conscious thrust.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Blow her open into the realms of infinite possibility.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Help her experience true oneness.

Don’t just ravish her…

- Take her places her soul has never journeyed to before.

This is where she submits & surrenders every fibre of her being, to you.

By Linda LuvDoktar

When I first started this journey. I was enamored by the poses and their purpose.

I am ex-military and a military brat. Attention, parade rest, a salute. They were in-grained and second nature.

My favorite? Nadu. I feel the most vulnerable and open in this pose. It is a pose of complete submission and trust. 
This position is calming and arousing all at once. My eyes cast downward, shoulders back, breasts thrust forward and my core open for his viewing pleasure and inspection. 
This pose to me is the epitome of submission. And it will always be my favorite.

Today is a calming day. A day of breath work and relaxation techniques with my calming playlist in the background. A mix of Celtic, Native American, Irish and Scottish, Nordic, Scandinavian, Indian and Middle Eastern instrumental songs. Glorious. Scrubbing my body until it’s smooth. Oiling and lotion and my layering scent that is uniquely me. 
A day of reflection and peace. 

Today I can breathe easier. Today I am calm. I am thankful for the support that I have. When everything seemed hopeless and the walls were caving in, you calmed me, brought me back to center and supported me in ways no one else can. And I a grateful. 
I know now to reach out before it becomes too much and before I spiral. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

I always hope for a good day. Not today. Today was not a good day. Today was full of anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD flashbacks and a whole mess of emotional trauma that came to the surface. 
Today was me on the couch wrapped in a blanket rocking to calm myself down. Today was tears and screaming until my throat was sore. Today was biting my nails to ruin. Today was sweats, no makeup, hair in disarray and not giving a damn.

Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I will try to figure out how to fix the damage I caused my nails. Tomorrow I will put back on my big girl panties and face the day.  
But Not Today.

Sometimes a song can capture what words cannot.