Sometimes, out of nowhere, but mostly when I'd rather not be thinking about my problems I Hear a voice in the back of my head commanding "masturbate". It ranges from a low grumble to a fiendish whisper.
No matter the volume it always persistent. Masturbate, masturbating, masturbate!
The funny thing is I don't even like masturbating. I mean yes the feeling of orgasm is orgasmic. But after that I feel nothing and sometimes I feel worse than nothing. I feel disgusting and low. Like immature and undeserving of anything decent.
Is this what addiction is? I don't normally give in right away. Sometimes it's month and I'm just fighting to not do it. Even though I don't want to do it. Somehow eventually I always give in.
At this point I'd almost rather harp on my problem. The relief and distraction of a self-induced orgasm it's just too fleeting, too grunge, too cringe and just about overrated.
But still I hear it; masturbate, masturbate, masturbate!
Ugh what is wrong with me...
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