(also daringly posted in the forum)
“The Carrot,” behavior comes from a possible dom or sub candidate is when the person, YOU as the interested party are in talks with, refuses to commit to a certain thing until YOU prove yourself worthy.
Example: The Dom refuses to show his face or give any personal information until the interested party, the Sub, has revealed her entire body, given personal information, and cum at least ten times on command.
Example: The Sub refuses to show her face, reveal any personal information until the interested party, the Dom, has earned her trust, revealed personal information, or sent money, etc.
Example: The Dom holds up the collar as the ultimate reward, but will not present the collar until the sub has reached some undefined level of acceptance and “earned” her place beside him.
I don’t often see “Carrot” behavior listed as a red flag, but I was wondering how many others had encountered this type of red flag negotiation/behavior.
I have to admit, my curiosity, a competitive nature, and a desire to please has often worked against me, turning me into a carrot chasing victim rather than a satisfied and happy sub who feels like she has been challenged, experienced growth or pleasure from that challenge, and is now confident the carrot will be delivered.
It isn’t just manipulation and a power play, it is also obvious to me that the person holding the carrot has no intention of actually gifting it to the person trying to earn it.
Have you chased after the carrot like a donkey? When did you realize what was happening? Or have you, under the guise of ‘safety and privacy concerns,’ or other trust issues, actually forced your prospective sub/dom to chase a carrot you knew you would never “really,” be comfortable in handing over?
What are your thoughts on this behavior?