(This was written on my phone and still has many typos.)
I was thirteen years old.
(I don’t see women talk about this.) I had a friend who was a boy and I wanted him to like me. So I set out to make it happen in a few soft I touches and brown eyed smiles. It worked. I had sized him up as the perfect victim. He wanted to be liked by a girl. Badly. So I became that girl. He was my friend, however, and firmly in the friend zone. I never had any intention of moving him closer.
I’m currently watching three little girls. The youngest is 9 months-the girls are learning to do the same thing.
Oh, they love their daddy, but no female child is above using his love for them to get what she wants. Some Dads recognize this, but they don’t understand it. Yes. His daughter loves him. Yes, his daughter needs him. But even at 9 moths old she is not above using his need to love, protect and provide for her to get an extra cookie after mom has said no. And getting that cookie (against Mom’s orders) feels like a triumph.
I’ve seen this play out so many times in households as daughters grow into young women that it baffles me that we as society seem to forget that this behavior can become embedded in a female character when it goes unchecked by diligent parents.
Add parental guilt and shame and its often reinforced.
This girl grows to be a woman. And she decides at some point that she wants a dominant, strong, decisive man in her life-in spite of the rampant feminism that has told her she needs only herself. She wants to be thrown into the bed and ravished. She wants to be desired. She wants a man who wont isn’t afraid of her pouts and emotions but doesn’t capitulate to her foot stomping. She wants to be protected and taken care of by Daddy energy.
Or at least she says she does. Because the same society that taught her she doesn’t need anyone but her own inner strength (which she has discovered in is exhausting, isolating , and soul killing) has also told her she can have everything both ways, told her that she gets what she wants and gets to choose what she doesn’t want.
And she can use that feminine gift that worked so well on Daddy to get it.
There are also those who feel entitled. They deserve to get what they want because someone hurt them. All their girlfriends support this, cheer them on. No one encourages kindness, mercy, or forgiveness anymore. The girlfriends are out for blood. It might hurt a man, but men do it all the time, men are fake, men use women for sex, men lie, so she, as an empowered woman, should do all these things too.
Fake subs exist. They use their feminine wiles to take instead if give, pretend to submit instead opening their souls, and hurt because they know men are worse than a wild grizzly bear in the woods.
They exist and they make it harder for the rest of us to find a man who hasn’t been burned so badly, multiple times, by a woman that he finds it difficult to trust or communicate past those experiences.
And let me be frank: Woe to a less than attractive man, because he has little value as a human being to a woman other than what he can give her. He deserves what he gets for thinking he should be loved and wanted, too. This man is a mark and some women will make him their victim if he allows it.
Just because I am saying there are manipulative and fake women doesn’t mean I am saying their aren’t manipulative and fake men. There are. I have engaged with and played dangerously more than one online wolf.
But I wonder how many men were taught to be that way by the women in their lives and society and how many were just born that way…
I’ve seen little boys flirt. But they flirt to get attention, to earn a smile, to make their parents laugh. When they want a thing they point and demand the thing without any subterfuge. In adulthood it is a straight line between their desire and getting what they want-for men who do not play games.
Even the wolves online-they want those videos ladies-but most simply demand what they want up front without giving anything back.
It may be old fashioned and hetero-normative to say this, but I’m saying it anyway. Fake subs exist, women are predisposed to manipulate men and men become (are taught to be) manipulators.
Change my mind. I’d love to discuss. I know this is incendiary and I know they're a weak points to this argument. So lets talk about it.