I feel broken. And I doubt I am the only one. I was too shy in high school to ask any girl out. I asked my crush out after graduation to spend my birthday with me. I waited four hours before realizing she wasn’t coming..
I’m at my wife and junior high school and if it wasn’t for a shared group experience of band class throughout high school we never would have married. She was a divorced mother of two and I tried to love her children. I still love her children, but the tumult within that family the scars still cut me deep. I wish I could’ve spared them. The pain in their own decisions brought to them, but somehow they wouldn’t listen to me.
As time went on, my submissiveness brought an end to intimacy. My wife couldn’t bring herself to dominate me.
A 20 year career in a job I loved became toxic, and this dinosaur of IT struggles like an intern.
And now 35 years of diabetes is stealing years from this aging man
I know I shouldn’t complain for there were many times of joy, but it seems in the important matters. Loving those I love the most, my career, and my health, I failed miserably.
I look back over the choices I made and I don’t know where I went wrong. I can’t say that I do anything differently or that it would turn out better if I had.
I write this, so that others may know they’re not alone in their sadness and maybe that will bring some comfort some camaraderie in a world that hide their scars