When I joined The Cage, I had no clue what I was getting into. I figured I’d lurk, read a few blogs, maybe flirt a little. A few months later… I’ve learned a lot about people, trust, and myself. Some lessons came easy, some hit like a brick to the face. But all of them shaped how I see this whole D/s world now.
So, here’s what I’ve picked up along the way:
1) Make a friend you can talk to.
Seriously. You need that one person who gets it. Someone who’ll call you out (nicely) when you’re not seeing things straight, or just listen when your head’s spinning.
2) Your limits are not up for debate.
If someone starts twisting definitions to make your “no” sound like a “maybe,” they’re not dominant, they’re manipulative. Run, not crawl.
3) If they ghost once, they’ll ghost again.
People don’t owe you a message back in casual chats. That’s life. But if you’ve agreed to start a dynamic or committed interaction, communication is part of the deal. If they disappear and come back like nothing happened? Nope. Block, bless, and move on. You deserve clarity, consistency, and respect.
4) Submission and dominance are both gifts.
Even in small interactions or just watching others, I can see how powerful it can be when handled with care and respect. Like a blade forged from fire, the right balance of trust and attention can make something sharp, strong, and breathtaking.
5) Finding submission wakes something up inside you.
Don’t fight it. Embrace it. Let it teach you about yourself.
6) Titles mean nothing without actions.
Anyone can type “Sir” or “submissive” in their bio. Watch how they treat people, especially when no one’s watching.
7) You don’t owe anyone your submission.
It’s earned, not taken. You’re not “difficult” for having standards.
8) There’s a line between being vulnerable and being used.
Submission isn’t giving up your worth. It’s sharing your trust with someone who’s proven they can hold it gently.
9) You’re allowed to walk away.
From a conversation, a dynamic, or a person you’re allowed. Walking away doesn’t mean you failed. It means you value yourself enough to protect your peace and boundaries. Submission doesn’t mean surrendering your worth, and dominance doesn’t mean staying where you’re not respected. Choosing to step back, pause, or leave is a sign of strength, clarity, and self-respect.
10) Growth takes time.
You’ll learn. You’ll mess up. You’ll unlearn. It’s all part of it. There’s no “perfect sub” handbook (trust me, I looked).
When I joined, I thought this was about learning how to please someone else. Now I realize it’s also about learning me. My edges. My softness. My power.
If you’re new here, take your time. Ask questions. Protect your peace. And when it feels right? Lean in.
Bonus lesson:
Stop overthinking every word, every message, every move. The right people will see you. The rest don’t matter. Just be you, because that’s enough.