Let me just start by saying that I’ll never apologize for being little nor autistic. It’s what I am, and I’ll also never get upset with people for misunderstanding me for it. This is a small example that happened yesterday (I’ve definitely experienced worse), but it’s been on my mind.
Taking a walk by myself in the mall, I found one of my favorite places to be: a toy shop. Naturally, it’s impossible not to feel happy when surrounded by a world of color and fun! As I perused the shelves and picked up a couple items to try, I found my favorite thing: a floppy, soft stuffed animal. He was weighted, too! In that moment, I got excited and my mask slipped (mask=masking the symptoms of being autistic). I was stimming with him, tossing him up and down and up and down while laughing a bit to myself. I couldn’t help it, I was so happy in the moment! I spun around with him a couple of times, only to realize that a couple people were giving me glaring looks. Can’t blame them, it probably is weird seeing a grown woman in a toy shop by herself, unabashedly playing with a stuffed animal! I stopped myself, put my mask back up, and went on about my day.
I wonder about other neurodivergent peoples’ experiences in moments like these. How do you handle that? Do you heavily mask your symptoms to better fit in, or do you say “eff it”?