My Journey finding my dream daddy dom

Today has been strange. I got caught up with a disgruntle white lady that sent me $500 dollars by accident to my banking account after i sent it back to her.I had to deal with unsatisfied morning of not having my dream dom next to me. My body craves to be trained. To be violated. To give up all control and all the secisions to someone else. I want to give my dom my heart, my soul and my spirit. I want to feel pleasure but also i want to feel hot soy wax slung on my body. I am also craving to take a transwoman as a perfect partner, perfect lover ad sisterwife . I want to make love again and enjoy being a woman again. I better go, I have work tomorrow and i am nodding of to sleep. Good night 

I had a very busy work schedule last week. I also had to do a potluck which I managed to ike out some kind of dish. I went o an arts and crafts festival. I was accompanied by my brothers. We had lunch at a pizza pub then went home. I wish I had a daddy dom who looks like Michael Mancini or Emmanuel. Hell two daddy doms would be great too but since I am inexperienced in this lifestyle. I am just going to focus on just finding one. I bought soy wax candle and some dip mixes. I can't wait to use them in my cooking. I really want to make cornish hens for dinner but also I want to cook that meal for a hard working dom. Just getting his approval and knowing he enjoys my cooking gives me so much joy. Yet I feel like the only people that i am doing serve to is feeding my brothers and participating in pot lucks. I fantasize constantly of his big hands groping my chest and bending me over the kitchen sink and taking me so hard I scream and moan for more but never going all the way until i have filled his belly. Why do i desire such men like that?

I seem to be desired yesterday. First my ex who has a severe mental illness wanted me back. A male friend i have lost touch with wants me as their modern day concubine. Another man I met will running errands wants a 24/7 house sub. Yet the one I really want has no interest in me. It is hard to find that long haired man of Asian descent. i keep seeing my late lover in my dreams wanting me, begging me to let go and release  control. I would love more than anything to give up control of my body, my soul, and my mind to a responsible respectful dom. But the ones i see are mainly fakes or they say they are doms but sound like they are trying to hard and might be a submissive deep down and not realize it. I want to act a CNC fantasy involving me being punished for acting like a bitch to them. I love to have a symbol of their love impermanently written on  my chest just to show off and right before they reach climax. They gently choke me while they fill me with their life seed. I crave it so much.I