Are you strong enough to let go? Are you strong enough to not fix it?
I am a strong-willed, sassy pants, energetic sparkly submissive. And I have a really bad habit.... I have realized that I often I attempt to Dom myself. Surely I am not the only one!
The words "maybe we should switch titles, and you be Mistress. Would that be better?!" Are not pleasant words, but they certainly did grab my attention! Most definitely not MY desire. In fact, the mere idea causes a flurry of panic and fluster.
I will think something I am doing needs changed, and often get frustrated. And often, these things are just a part of my personality, a part of who I am. Things that I think might be annoying to others. (That's an entirely different blog post) But, I need to realize and trust if something needed changed, he would most certainly tell me. I need to trust that! Instead, I just spin myself into a tangle making an issue out of a non-issue. I overthink things. And he patiently spends time helping me unravel myself out of the mess I put myself in.
It not only is a trust thing, it is also a control thing. It shows me that I am holding on to or trying to control the situation. I am navigating to reach a desired outcome that I have determined to be the right way.
It is a weird distorted people-pleasing desire. Trying to circumvent a problem that doesn't even exist. (But often creating a new one) That people pleasing desire isn't a bad thing, but it needs to be honed. It needs to be refined. Refined to be pleasing in the right ways, the ways that matter. When refined, what a beautiful gift.
Maybe trying to Dom myself is also a fear thing. A fear of doing something wrong. As I write that, I am shaking my head at how ridiculous that actually sounds. If I have that much fear of doing something wrong, then there are some other issues that need tackled...again. I know where it stems from, and I am dealing with that. The thing is, I do not fear him. Respect, yes. Fear, no! (Nor should I! If he were a scary guy, we would not be where we are)
Lesson of the day: Just breathe and relax into it. Put my control pants away and simply trust the one I have chosen to walk with, and that has extended his hand to walk with me. Trust where he is navigating and directing.
It takes a strong person to let go.
It takes a strong person to not attempt to 'fix it." Perhaps it isnt broken.
It takes a strong person to allow someone to take the lead.
