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Sometimes with song lyrics intertwined. What? You don't live in your music?
2 months ago. Mon 01 Oct 2018 04:48:50 PM IDT

They go hand in hand!  You can’t just take the cake and scrape off the frosting and eat it.  I mean, I guess you can, but no.  Stay on track with me here, people! 

The cake is step one.  You get this first because the cake is the foundation.  This is the woman in me, or human if you prefer.  Can you like the flavor?  It’s baked with ingredients such as mother, caretaker, employee, student, sense of humor, artist, talker, lover of people, anxiousness, kindness, ferociousness, moodiness, love, spirituality, strength, oldies music lover, Dr Pepper aficionado, existentialism, cheerleader for good, the girl who holds the world in a paper cup, and many other ingredients.  This cake has some cracks in it, but it’s still standing.  You can’t find this recipe in a cookbook.  It was God given and handed down from generations before. 

The frosting is step two, but the frosting is what you see first when you look at a finished cake.  How do you know if you like the whole product if you’re only looking at the sugary frosting?  This is the submissive in me – the person that craves your control, pain, sex, humiliation, protection, harshness, and all the other kinky fun weirdness.  The best part about the frosting is that even though all the ingredients are there already, they are amenable.  You can add what you like.  You can cover the cake how you wish.  Put some frosting between the layers and cover the whole cake – make your own personal design in the frosting with swirls, lines, peaks – whatever you desire.  Add sprinkles, or berries, or both!  Then step back and love the finished product as a whole. 

Sure, you may say that frosting is the best part of a cake, but surely we can all agree that after a few spoonful’s of nothing but frosting, it can make you sick and make your teeth hurt.  You get a great sugar high from all this frosting, but like all good highs, there will be a crash afterwards.

Can you like both the flavor of the cake AND the frosting that goes with it?  I don’t want to be the slice of cake that the frosting is scraped off of and eaten and then discarded with a plastic fork.  I want a person who wants both together.  Go ahead and be tempted by the frosting, but please make sure and ask what flavor the cake is before you talk to it.  What?  You don’t talk to your cake?

And by all means, when you get your cake, go ahead and eat it, too!  ;) 

But seriously, y’all.  I’m not walking kink.  There is a whole lot more to me.  Remember that you’re talking to a real person when you send that message.  I don’t want to be your downtime or your stupid game.  I appreciate that you love my pictures, my shoes, my profile, and my BDSM test results, but that’s just the frosting!  Cut into the cake and see what’s there.  You may just like it, too :)  And I promise that I won’t just pick out your naughty chocolate bits and discard the rest of the cookie.  I’ll gladly take the whole thing, burnt edges and all. 

2 different song lyrics, 2 different genres, 2 different generations of music – have fun! 

2 months ago. Fri 21 Sep 2018 06:47:55 PM IDT

Google did a tribute to Mr Rogers today! 
This may be the wrong place to be posting about the most innocent man I could possibly think of, but I love him. 
He's been my hero all my life.  So I'm sharing my joy with all of you :)

 

And people can like me exactly as I am, because there is no one else exactly like me 😁

www.google.com

3 months ago. Sun 26 Aug 2018 01:43:56 PM IDT

3 months ago. Sat 25 Aug 2018 07:11:13 PM IDT

I was approached this morning by a message titled, "Hey slut!" ...

I couldn't NOT talk to this person because if you see a train wreck, you stop, and the 5 line conversation led to the "fact" that all submissives are sluts.
My crazy ass mind led me right back to college and the subject of "categorical propositions".  This person threw out "universal affirmative proposition A" while the truth would be closer to the "existential particular affirmative I".  You didn't want a lesson in logic?  Just be glad I didn't drop a Venn Diagram in here...

But really, let's look at that.  ALL submissives are sluts.  Well that can't be true because I'm submissive and I'm not a slut.  Don't get me wrong... while I do enjoy being called a "slut, bitch, whore, etc" and while I enjoy being used as any of those aforementioned adjectives, that has to be for one person.  By doing that, the pure defintion of slut is lost because I'm not a woman who has "many casual sex partners". 


Do some "Dominant" men really believe that is all it takes?  Just call a random girl a dirty word and her panties will melt off?
And, not judging, but does that work for some women? Are you turned on by this approach?  I'm seriously curious because there is a part of me that believes that the only reason these men keep using these "pick-up lines" are because they ARE working!  Again, no judgement.

Besides being genuinely interested, this stuff just makes me laugh and provided me with some Saturday morning entertainment.

Yeah, okay...  I CAN BE an awesome slut, but I'm not YOUR slut.  And it's safe to say that I never will be. :)

Happy Saturday, y'all!

 

4 months ago. Sun 05 Aug 2018 03:01:26 AM IDT

This is NOT my work, but I did like it and consider it important enough to be shared.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
|IN SUBMISSIVE, BDSM TECHNIQUES, BDSM EXPRESSIONS
|BY STOLTZ SINATRA -DESADE MAGAZINE 
I got a question on Twitter a couple of days ago. Cassandra, a 20 year old submissive, asked me about what she considered to be a horrible mistake on her part. She has written a detailed post in our forum about the situation surrounding the mistake itself so I will not go into the specifics of it.

She touched a couple of things that I’ve experienced before – The guilt of the submissive.

As training and the BDSM relationship between the Dominant and the submissive evolves, so does the submissive guilt when the Dominant points out potential mistakes.

It’s a natural development as far as I see it, because the submissive wants to please and simply put; the Dominant wants to be pleased. When mistakes are made then a natural feeling of guilt occurs as the submissive didn’t succeed in pleasing the Dominant. Before I go any further in my reasoning I will ask every submissive that reads this to think a little bit more about it.

Isn’t it true that you, as a submissive, might feel guilt, to a larger extent than others, in an ordinary everyday situation if you’ve make a mistake?

I’m fairly sure that most submissives will answer “Yes”.

My experience is that this is a quite common feeling among submissives, i.e something that most submissives might feel in any kind of situation that involves mistakes. So let us go back to my original reasoning.

The reason for this is the need for control….yes, you read it correctly.

Some of you might think “Get out of here” or “Yeah right” when you read the statement I just made above, some of you might even think that submissives do not want control and you are totally correct.

Submissives do not want control and simply put; this is a natural drive for getting into BDSM as a submissive – But if you back up a bit and take a look at why submissives don’t want control, then the reason is that they usually have a very controlling behaviour and the Dominant helps them to take a “mental vacation” from this specific behaviour.

I believe this to be one of the core reasons for why some people become submissives.

So let us connect the feeling of guilt and the reason for punishment. When a mistake is made, then it exposes a lack of self control, sloppiness or any other reason that the submissive can come up with to bash herself with – And this psychological self-flagellation can go on work weeks if the mistake is serious enough in the eyes of the submissive. This is, in my opinion, not a very healthy situation and the solution might be a punishment.

The punishment has a central role in breaking the psychological vortex submissives end up in when pondering mistakes and feeling guilt. The Dominant is externalising the submissive’s guilt by handing out a punishment and becomes the absolution that is necessary to end the psychological merry-go-around that is tormenting the submissive.

The punishment becomes the catharsis that enables the submissive the leave the mistake behind her and reconfirms the relationship that she has with the Dominant.

These are natural psychological properties that you will encounter as a part of BDSM dynamics and they might also be the reason why you turned into a submissive in the first place.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm not going to sit here and pick apart the place where he mentions why submissives are submissive, that's for you to decide.  The point of my sharing this article was for a little enlightenment perhaps.  

Submissive guilt is real, I'm sure many of us know that, and you're not alone.  It can be hard to say in the same sentence that you both don't want AND do want punishment, because it can be confusing, but hopefully this brought a tad bit of understanding as to a part of why we do this thing we do.

So much of the interwebs have us conviced that punishments are fun and sexy (and occasionally they can be).  When we break a "smaller" rule or don't follow through on a "smaller" task, punishments come and they are usually mild in nature.  I know that I'm not wording that right, but most of you know what it's like to look forward to a certain punishment. Hell, most of us *ask* for them with our words or actions!  However, there are those times that we majorly screw up and the guilt/disappointment/punishment that comes with that is no fun at all, NOR SHOULD IT BE!  These are our training tools, and for that, i am grateful.

Y'all take care :)

5 months ago. Fri 13 Jul 2018 05:29:27 PM IDT

1. Pushing limits does not mean making Master so angry that the vein above His right eye throbs.

2. “Quit it!” “OW, Damnit!” “I’m hiding that toy when You go to
work tomorrow” and cursing a blue streak are not safe words.

3. “Oh my God, where did you get those. They are gorgeous!!!” is not considered boot worship.

4. “Ya want fries with that?” “Want me to drink it for You too?” are not appropriate remarks when Master gives you an elaborate drink order.

5. Flipping your Master off while your hands are cuffed behind your
back is a bad idea. Owners have a way of knowing these things.

6. Putting lube, goop, superglue, ink or any other substance that
will sully the ________ of Master on His toys while setting up for a session is not a good idea.

7. Kicking the toy you hate far under the bed is futile. Master will only secure your wrist cuffs to your ankle cuffs and make you crawl for it….repeatedly.

8. “Bite me.” is NEVER an intelligent response to a command.

9. Doing your Beavis and Butthead imitation of “Fire, fire, fire,
fire!” during Master’s lecture on fire play safety is considered rude.

10. Responding with “Yes, All Wise, All Knowing, Grand Imperial
Weenie” is not appropriate when Master asks you if you are
comfortable during a bondage scene.

11. Asking to go to the bathroom every five minutes while Master
practices His Japanese rope work on you will try His patience ….quickly.

12. Crossing your eyes and sticking your tongue out while Master is
discussing your punishment is not wise.

13. There is no such thing as slave immunity, free slave day, or the
PMS defense. The slave jury might not convict you, but the Dom judge will override the verdict. Count on it!

14. Pretending Master’s collection of butt plugs are toys and singing the “Weebles Wobble but the won’t fall down” song is not a good idea.

15. Repeatedly blowing out each candle Master lights during wax play will get you punished.

16. Checking Master’s head for the 666 symbol after a harsh
punishment will only get you more of the same….or worse!

17. “i know You are but what am i?” is not the appropriate response
when called a “raunchy little whore” during humiliation play.

18. Using spreader bars, paddles, or canes for the fireplace is not
a good plan.

19. “Missed me missed me now ya gotta kiss me!” is an unacceptable
remark when Master’s flogger slips.

20. When Master pulls out his bullwhip and says He wants to play, He doesn’t mean hide-&-seek…He WILL find you eventually.

21. Calling Merry Maids when you are ordered to spruce up the place
is not what your Master had in mind.

22. “Faster faster we need a new Master” is NOT the song to sing
during a scene.

23. “Oh and You think i am?” is an unacceptable response to hearing
your Master say He is not pleased.

24. During a play party is not the time to do your hilarious
imitation of Igor and hunch over, moaning “Yes Master” when ordered
to fetch something.

25. Adding “Sir” or “Master” to “Fuck that!” will not save you.

26. Singing the chorus of “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better”
under your breath during a session is considered foolhardy.

27. Reciting nursery rhymes during an interrogation scene to crack
your Master up only lasts for so long. Then you will pay….BIG!

28. Arguing whether “Master may not be right, but Master is never
wrong” is Zen or Buddhist philosophy will only get you rewarded with kneeling in the corner of a bed of Lego’s “to help you consider the question in quiet contemplation.”

29. Asking “Is that as HARD as you can hit???” is considered a cry
for help among submissive suicide prevention workers!

30. Reminding Master you are a switch will not get you out of
trouble for ordering Him around.

31. Rolling your eyes when Sir gives you “That look” is not a good
idea.

and last but least….

32. Even if you are fast enough to close the other bracelet of the
cuffs around his wrist while he’s closing the first one on yours,
you probably shouldn’t.

5 months ago. Sat 30 Jun 2018 06:37:58 PM IDT

I know this subject has been talked about before, but it is still so important.  Small talk. Getting the nerve up to send a message to someone that you are interested in talking to.  I just recently read a blog from a person who was worrying about whether or not the message they wanted to send to another was good enough.  There is nothing wrong with that, per se, but the anxiety and tension that it is causing is silly in my opinion.  We are all humans here.  Most of us live normal daily lives with jobs, families, bills to pay, etc.  Does the title of “Dom” or “sub” encompass you fully?  I hope not! 
When a Dom that you do not know commands your respect in the communication of “Sir” upon first interaction, big red bells go off for me.  It’s the same the other way around.  If I get a message from someone that says, “Hey little slut!”, I’m not going to respond. 
I talk to 3 dominant men from this site.  One is my Sir, one was never a Dom to begin with but was exploring, and the other is a friend.  They all have one thing in common.  Small talk was welcomed. 
I only call one of them Sir.  Do I respect the other two people?  Yes.  Just as much as I would respect any other HUMAN on the face of this planet, but they do not get the same respect.  My Dom gets my “Sirs”.  He has more than earned them. 

I was cleaning up some of my notes and ran across this tidbit and thought I would share…

Phatic Communion – Malinowski - 1923

[…] to a natural man another man’s silence is not a reassuring factor, but on the contrary, something alarming and dangerous […].  The breaking of silence, the communion of words is the first act to establish links of fellowship, which is consummated only by the breaking of bread and the communion of food. 

The modern English expression, “Nice day today” or the Melanesian phrase “Whence comest thou?” are needed to get over the strange unpleasant tension which men feel when facing each other in silence.  After the first formula, there comes a flow of language, purposeless expressions of preference or aversion, accounts of irrelevant happenings, comments on what is perfectly obvious […].

There can be no doubt that we have a new type of linguistic use – phatic communion I am tempted to call it, actuated by the demon of terminology invention – a type of speech in which ties of union are created by a mere exchange of words […].  Are words in Phatic Communion used primarily to convey meaning, the meaning which is symbolically theirs?  Certainly not!  They fulfill a social function and that is their principal aim, they are neither the result of intellectual reflection, nor do they necessarily arouse reflection in the listening […].  Each utterance is an act of serving the direct aim of binding hearer to speaker by a tie of some social sentiment or other.  Once more, language appears to us not as an instrument of reflection but as a mode of action […]

Phatic communion serves to establish bonds of personal union between people brought together by the mere needs of companionship and does not serve any purpose of communicating ideas.

Thus, Malinowski’s concept of ‘phatic (from Greek phatos, “spoke”) communion highlights – what ethologists would call – the ‘bonding function’ of language. 

 

Okay, my turn.  Phatic Communion is known to us modern people as “small talk”.  To sum the above up in a few words, small talk says…

“Are you safe?”
“Yes, I’m safe.” 

Example:  Sub:  “Hello.  How are you doing today?”  (Are you safe?)

                  Dom: “Fine, thank you.  And yourself?”  (Yes, I’m safe.)

The sub here is throwing out a very small piece of themselves in the hopes that the Dom will respond in kind, or vice versa.  No, it isn’t intellectual conversation, but it can be the very foundation on which many meaningful conversations stem from.

Think about it, people.  Don’t be afraid to let your human show.  Chill out a little.

*** This is my opinion.  Take it or leave it, you aren’t going to offend me one bit.   

6 months ago. Sun 03 Jun 2018 10:39:26 PM IDT

In my part of Texas, it's hotter than hell.  Triple digits hot on a daily basis.  But not today.  Today has been amazing.  The kind of amazing you take advantage of by driving around a half dead city early in the morning with the windows rolled down, being the only person at Target, and knowing that the only place open that early is the place that makes the best breakfast burritos (and then you eat that burrito sitting on the hood of your car in an empty parking lot laughing with a child that has grown up way too fast, because you aren't in any hurry). 

I've spent most of the day outside because these are the days that you relish.  I love that I still get WiFi while sitting under the tree in my backyard, because if you have to work, you may as well get the most out of it. 

I found this tidbit earlier, while not working and surfing the web instead, and loved it enough to post it...

"Any man can grab a woman by her hair, throw her on the bed, and rip her clothing off.  Sure he can tie her up, call her a 'bitch' or a 'slut' and have rough sex with her.  But that is not dominance ... that's rough sex, maybe even violent sex.  If she's into it, it can even be fun, but that's still not true dominance.

True dominance is the ability to whisper softly in her ear and then observe as she obediently removes her clothing.  Methodically ... one piece at a time.  Watching as she kneels before you offering her entire self to you.  Willingly, without hesitation or reservation.  She will show you her most vulnerable self without embarrassment or shame.  You will know that nothing makes her happier than making you happy..." 

Willingly, without hesitation or reservation.  It's beautiful. This is the stuff I'm talking about!  And yes, I love the rough sex parts, too.  *grins*

Many of you may have read it already, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to share. :)

 


PS:  The song lyric from the last blog was "I'd appreciate your input" - Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang.  That was probably too hard. 
Todays is much easier :)