Random writings

Sometimes with song lyrics intertwined. What? You don't live in your music?
1 day ago. Sun 14 Oct 2018 09:57:58 PM IDT

I’m an emotional person and I don’t mind expressing those emotions, but I have a hard time with it, too.  My execution isn’t exactly on point.  Yeah, you like my blogs and my profile because they’re well written and expressive, but that’s too easy, isn’t it?  It’s different to actually meet the person behind those words and for her to show you anything that isn’t on a computer screen.  It’s different when that same girl can’t seem to express herself in the moment and you wonder if it was all a scam.  It takes a helluva person to get me to open. 

It’s why I have a hard time making friends and it’s why I choose to stay single for longer periods than I date – because then I don’t have to worry about expressing myself to anyone, or worse than that, hurting anyone – or worse worse than that, being hurt myself. 

As I sit here trying to quickly build my walls back up, I’ve met some people on here who are unlike any people I’ve ever known.  At first I just thought they had the ability to see through my wall – and that is pretty amazing.  Then I realized that they never had to have super powers to see through walls, they just saw me, and I’m thankful.  And my dear one has the ability to calmly take each brick that I put back up, and toss it to the side, and for that, I’m grateful.

No matter what comes out of my romantic/sexual encounters on this site, I’ll always be grateful for the connections I’ve made here.  During this time where I’ve just wanted to run and hide (and have), these people proved to me that I have no need to do so - that they would like me unconditionally.  And even better, if I did decide to run and hide, they’d come in the hole with me and bring the flashlight. 

So here’s to those who have sat in the dark with me, even when all I could do is babble and cry out words that didn’t seem to make sense. 

1 week ago. Sun 07 Oct 2018 06:05:49 PM IDT

“Life is so unnerving

For a servant who's not serving

She's not whole without a soul to wait upon

Ah, those good old days when we were useful...

Suddenly those good old days are gone

Ten years we've been rusting

Needing so much more than dusting

Needing exercise, a chance to use our skills!”  - Beauty and The Beast
 

 

I’m seriously wondering why some of y’all are on here.  Maybe you thought this was something you wanted, but later changed your mind?  Maybe you were just looking for bragging rights?  You wanted that girl to call “yours” and thought you’d get off scot-free? Maybe you have dominant tendencies, but just don’t know how to use them? Did YOU fall in love with Christian Grey?? I’m not sure what the answer is, but I can see this being a problem that is happening more often than I’d like to acknowledge. 

What's the point of having a sub if you do nothing with her??  Kinky friendship?  Join a local group - head to a munch - and talk your head off.  

Here’s the thing, and I can say this a tad more bluntly right now because I’m feeling tad bit bitchy, THIS IS A JOB!  The person that you choose to make your submissive and the submissive that chooses to give herself to you is a real fucking person!  I’m not saying that Doms are not real people – so please don’t feel the need to message me to set me straight.  I know there are real Doms out there – I got y’all – this isn’t about y’all.

It’s a job on BOTH parts.  It takes the work of two people to make it really work.  And if the submissive is doing her job and the Dom is not, what then? 

*Disclaimer:  Life happens, and we all get that.  Any good submissive is going to see her Dominant through those difficult parts of life, and if she feels loved and protected, she’ll do it gladly.  The same rings true on the flip side.  But there has to be SOMETHING there. 

I know that I have written about how sex is not everything in this lifestyle, and I’ll maintain that that is still true, but to not acknowledge that it isn’t a huge deal of it would be foolhardy on my part.  This shouldn’t be a newsflash, but submissives love to feel sexual, needed, worthy, beautiful, good, selfless, etc. We LOVE to hear that we’re pleasing! When a submissive gives herself to you, she is giving ALL of herself to you, and that included her body and mind to use and tantalize. For fucks sake, USE IT! She craves and needs this!  If she didn’t, she’d be perfectly happy in a vanilla relationship and wouldn’t be seeking a Dom.  

So again if the submissive is giving what she has in the very limited scope of what she can and is still not getting anything in return, what then?   From what I’ve heard and experienced, she feels things such as useless, not sexy, not worthwhile, sadness and maybe depression, unfulfillment, dissatisfaction, and again, the list goes on…  None of which are great feelings – none of which are worthwhile.  All of these feelings lead to thoughts, and those thoughts lead to more thoughts… It’s no secret that many of us submissves are overthinkers and overanalyzers.  Thoughts of “are we even with the right Dom?”, “Are we even submissive?”, “Do I even turn him on?”, “Am I even worth his time?” and a barrage of other questions will start hitting replay in our minds, and then down the rabbit hole we go.

Remember the golden rule, Dominants. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. As you want to be treated, so treat others. The Dominant wants his submissive to respect him and his authority.  The Dominant, therefore, should respect his submissive and her submissiveness.

We love being your thrill, but we aren’t here so you can feel better about yourself as a man. 

Understand, Dominants, that your submissive’s submission to you is not a light or insubstantial thing. Her submission is not a hobby. It is herself. If you abuse her submission, you are abusing her. So don’t do that. Respecting her submission is respecting her. Do that.

Whether unused or overused, a good girl is going to give a lot.  Take care of her, or get out of the way.  If you don’t, she eventually will.

Yeah, it was blunt, but I’m fed up with the people who claim to be something that they are not.  Maybe this lifestyle really wasn’t for you.  That’s fine.  Own it and move on.  Maybe you’re an abusive asshole.  Don’t do that.  Maybe you really want it but don’t know how to get it… then research research research!  Take the time to learn about who you are and how to do this in a safe and consensual manner, and THEN take a submissive on.  Maybe you just simply don’t have the time to take on an extra position.  Then don’t.  No one wins in that situation. 
The same can be said about submissive people, those who are “fake”, but I’m not sitting here writing about fake submissives, am I? 

 

I’m sure that I left a lot of important information out of this blog – this topic can be written about at length and I’m barely scratching the surface - but it is what it is, and it’s my damn blog.  For those of you who actually look for the song lyrics in my blogs, there isn’t one here, sorry. 

The lyrics for those who don't want to listen to the song...

Listen boy
I don't want to see you let a good thing
Slip away
You know I don't like watching
Anybody make the same mistakes
I made
She's a real nice girl
And she's always there for you
But a nice girl wouldn't tell you what you should do
Listen boy
I'm sure that you think you got it all
Under control
You don't want somebody telling you
The way to stay in someone's soul
You're a big boy now
You'll never let her go
But that's just the kind of thing
She ought to know
Tell her about it
Tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason to accept
That you're for real
Tell her about it
Tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her
Let her know how much she means
Listen boy
It's not automatically a certain guarantee
To insure yourself
You've got to provide communication constantly
When you love someone
You're always insecure
And there's only one good way
To reassure
Tell her about it
Let her know how much you care
When she can't be with you
Tell her you wish you were there
Tell her about it
Every day before you leave
Pay her some attention
Give her something to believe
'Cause now and then
She'll get to worrying
Just because you haven't spoken
For so long
Though you may not have done anything
Will that be a consolation when she's gone
Listen boy
It's good information from a man
Who's made mistakes
Just a word or two that she gets from you
Could be the difference that it makes
She's a trusting soul
She's put her trust in you
But a girl like that won't tell you
What you should do
Tell her about it
Tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason
To accept that you're for real
Tell her about it
Tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her
Let her know how much she means
Tell her about it
Tell her how you feel right now
Tell her about it
The girl don't want to wait too long
You got to tell her about it
Tell her now and you won't go wrong
You got to tell her about it
Before it gets too late
You got to tell her about it
You know the girl don't want
To wait, you got to
Tell her about it

2 weeks ago. Tue 02 Oct 2018 04:38:20 AM IDT

Earlier today I was approached with a topic that has made me quite uncomfortable throughout the day, and for good reason.  Suicide. 

 

I realize this next section might make me sound like a bitch, but I'm willing to chance it.  When I was contacted by this individual this morning, I sighed because I knew the conversation wasn't going to be good.  I just didn't realize how NOT good it was going to get.  I understand a persons need to reach out to another individual when they are sad, but as one human being, I cannot (nor do I desire to) try and help everyone.  I've talked with this person before and given all the help that I know to give in this situation.  I've used all my training techniques, and I get frustrated too, especially when I'm going through my own shit.  With that being said, the conversation got to a point where I could literally do no good, and quickly.  I offered outside resources for help but they were not welcomed and now I have to let it go. 

 

As a mental health advocate however, I DO care about ALL humans.  It doesn't matter to me one bit what your political affiliations are, your religion, your sex, whether or not you annoy the shit outta me, or even your weird kinks; I still care. 

 

So here it is... 1-800-273-8255

Yep - that's the number for the American National Suicide Prevention Line.  A lot of people may find this silly or feel stupid for needing to call, but the opposite is true. It takes strength to call, and you can use it even if you aren't feeling suicidal!  I worked for our local hotline for a while and most of the calls I took were people who didn't want to die, but just didn't quite know how to live, or people who just needed someone to listen.  No shame! 

 

Y'all, please don't read this as if any of you are bothering me with your problems.  I LOVE being there for people and I LOVE the friends that I have made here and I will always help where I can.  This was a different situation and for the sake of privacy, I won't go into details. 

 

Y'all be safe! 
(I promise I'm done blogging for the day)

2 weeks ago. Mon 01 Oct 2018 11:28:42 PM IDT

Because couldn't we all use some of this in our lives?  Sexy snuggles?  :)  It looks sweet.  It's a position that I miss being in.  Hell, she may be begging for his forgivness for all I know, but it's still sweet sexy snuggles to me :D

2 weeks ago. Mon 01 Oct 2018 04:48:50 PM IDT

They go hand in hand!  You can’t just take the cake and scrape off the frosting and eat it.  I mean, I guess you can, but no.  Stay on track with me here, people! 

The cake is step one.  You get this first because the cake is the foundation.  This is the woman in me, or human if you prefer.  Can you like the flavor?  It’s baked with ingredients such as mother, caretaker, employee, student, sense of humor, artist, talker, lover of people, anxiousness, kindness, ferociousness, moodiness, love, spirituality, strength, oldies music lover, Dr Pepper aficionado, existentialism, cheerleader for good, the girl who holds the world in a paper cup, and many other ingredients.  This cake has some cracks in it, but it’s still standing.  You can’t find this recipe in a cookbook.  It was God given and handed down from generations before. 

The frosting is step two, but the frosting is what you see first when you look at a finished cake.  How do you know if you like the whole product if you’re only looking at the sugary frosting?  This is the submissive in me – the person that craves your control, pain, sex, humiliation, protection, harshness, and all the other kinky fun weirdness.  The best part about the frosting is that even though all the ingredients are there already, they are amenable.  You can add what you like.  You can cover the cake how you wish.  Put some frosting between the layers and cover the whole cake – make your own personal design in the frosting with swirls, lines, peaks – whatever you desire.  Add sprinkles, or berries, or both!  Then step back and love the finished product as a whole. 

Sure, you may say that frosting is the best part of a cake, but surely we can all agree that after a few spoonful’s of nothing but frosting, it can make you sick and make your teeth hurt.  You get a great sugar high from all this frosting, but like all good highs, there will be a crash afterwards.

Can you like both the flavor of the cake AND the frosting that goes with it?  I don’t want to be the slice of cake that the frosting is scraped off of and eaten and then discarded with a plastic fork.  I want a person who wants both together.  Go ahead and be tempted by the frosting, but please make sure and ask what flavor the cake is before you talk to it.  What?  You don’t talk to your cake?

And by all means, when you get your cake, go ahead and eat it, too!  ;) 

But seriously, y’all.  I’m not walking kink.  There is a whole lot more to me.  Remember that you’re talking to a real person when you send that message.  I don’t want to be your downtime or your stupid game.  I appreciate that you love my pictures, my shoes, my profile, and my BDSM test results, but that’s just the frosting!  Cut into the cake and see what’s there.  You may just like it, too :)  And I promise that I won’t just pick out your naughty chocolate bits and discard the rest of the cookie.  I’ll gladly take the whole thing, burnt edges and all. 

2 different song lyrics, 2 different genres, 2 different generations of music – have fun! 

2 weeks ago. Sun 30 Sep 2018 12:20:10 AM IDT

“People become masochistic as a way of regulating their desire to sexually dominate others. The desire to submit, on the other hand arises from guilt feelings over the desire to dominate” -Freud

Alright Freud my man, while I do respect several of your theories, this is one that I just cannot get behind.  Freudian therapists today still believe in this, and I’m not sure why since we have an understanding of most of the science behind masochism… 

Pain releases endorphins and hormones – endorphins and hormones act as painkillers – so in essence, pain + endorphins = no pain because you get very high on the endorphins.  Plus all the other good stuff that goes with it… the relaxation, the sleepiness, the letting go, the surrender, the aftercare… yep, good stuff.  It almost sounds like an addiction.  I’ll definitely have to look into that someday!  But obviously not everyone is like this, so while we might understand the science there, there is still no real understanding of why it’s such a turn on – or why some people like it and others don’t.  Please don’t make me go back to Freud’s theory.  He cannot be right!

I’ve been super craving pain lately.  Intense scenes.  More than I feel like I can handle.  And I’m not entirely sure why.   

I guess because it both calms me down and makes me feel no pain.  This was pointed out to me once before.  I still remember his soft quiet voice asking, “That calms you down doesn’t it?” and I was embarrassed to answer with a “yes” because I’m not sure if that was correct or not.  But there isn’t really a correct answer, is there? 

It’s interesting because here lately, my body is in pain a lot all by itself.  After a few doctors appointments and some tests, I still have no answer for this pain, but I’m obviously not liking it.  However, if you intensify it with an awesome sadistic scene, it all goes away and I feel great!  That may be a reason that I’m craving some pain right now, but I wonder what my reason was a month ago, or a year ago, or ten years ago, or 20 years ago?  Dammit, Freud, I don’t have a desire to dominate!!

In the last scene I had, after all was said and done, I felt more relaxed and pain free than I have in a long time.  For me, it’s like getting a massage.  That sounds so weird!  You may be right, I may be crazy, but it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for.  Bat shit passionate!  Crazy Type A personalities... I want that massage. 

If you’re a masochist, or don’t consider yourself to be a masochist but like that bit o pain that can come with a scene, why do you think you do?  What does it do for you?

And what about sadists?  What does it do for you?  So many unanswered questions...

This whole blog barely made sense to me, so have fun with it.  Find the lyric and you too can be the owner of a brand new shiny quarter. 

3 weeks ago. Fri 21 Sep 2018 06:47:55 PM IDT

Google did a tribute to Mr Rogers today! 
This may be the wrong place to be posting about the most innocent man I could possibly think of, but I love him. 
He's been my hero all my life.  So I'm sharing my joy with all of you :)

 

And people can like me exactly as I am, because there is no one else exactly like me 😁

www.google.com

3 weeks ago. Fri 21 Sep 2018 08:42:37 AM IDT

Because I can't sleep.  A homecoming mum is half done - a party is half planned - the laundry is half folded. 
Haiku are easy to complete! 

 

She knelt before him

A flogger in his strong hand

Such exquisite pain

 

Is it mine to do?

I relinquished decisions

No. It’s not my job.

 

She was submissive

To one Dominant only

He took it away

 

Hand caressed her cheek

With a sting and a red mark

She craved being good

 

Standing under him

Baring more than her soft flesh

Her soul was exposed

 

In trouble again

His words sliced through her like ice

Do you understand?

 

A smile on her face

You’re such a good girl for me

A smile in her heart

 

A mean wood paddle

Mocked her from across the room

Makes for good kindling

 

Her guard up so high

Why couldn’t she just let go?

It would cost too much

 

Oh, she craved his pain

Anything to make her feel

alive – surrender

 

She was his slut now

Crawling across the hard floor

To be at his feet

 

No matter how scared

You will do that for me, girl.

Yes Master, of course

 

A submissives heart

She’s wanting to be the best

Will you please teach me?

 

A rip here, a tear

Her breasts exposed to him

Oh what will he do! 

 

It took her some time

She was finally worthy

A collar for me?

 

His taste in her mouth

She had been waiting all day

Better than chocolate

 

Late night summer rain

Two people are parting ways

One hugs much harder

 

3 weeks ago. Tue 18 Sep 2018 07:15:07 PM IDT

Because I want this!  Fuck her up, y'all!

1 month ago. Thu 13 Sep 2018 07:08:04 AM IDT

Can’t sleep.  Haven’t blogged in what feels like forever.  Busy girl.

I ran across this picture the other day and have been thinking about it a lot.  I don’t know why… just the way my mind works, I guess.

So... true or false?  There are so many different types of submissives out there.  We’ve touched on that with the whole sub vs slave thing, but even with those two being different, there are still different sub types.  Some like a 24/7 aspect, some don’t.  Some do online, others prefer real time.  Some like it gentle, some like is rough…

So why not have different types of Doms?  Is it possible for a Dom to just be dominant in the bedroom and not anywhere else? Or would that just be classified as “kinky sex”?  Is a switch a Dom?  I’m really asking, because I don’t have a dominant mindset and don’t know. 

For me personally, a Dom needs to have a 24/7 mindset.  The type of person who is in control all the time, of most of the things.  Not necessarily a micromanager, but that doesn’t bother me, either. I get off on being totally submissive, even when I’m just la ti da living my life.  I feel more secure in this.  To that personal note, I do believe that a Dom should be able to separate the sex and the lifestyle.  To be there in a human way as well as a Dom way.  There’s nothing sexier than living out a “normal” life, cooking in the kitchen, and then getting “the look” from your Dom that makes you drop to your knees… FUCK IT UP, y’all!  This is just my opinion... Not trying to offend anyone out there.  I like that we're all here for "this thing that we do" and yet we're all different in so many ways!  I just like people! :) 

Subbie peeps?  What do y'all think?
Doms?  Any opinions to throw out there??

 

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