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simple musings

This will be a random ramble word vomit situation….a purge of my mind if you will.
14 hours ago. Wednesday, May 20, 2026 at 10:43 PM

And only if they align will it work 

will the universe smooth the path towards what should and shouldn’t be. 
Only then will it make sense.

but how much do we have to search for and work for and hope for and suffer through for the stars to align? 

is it worth it?

will it be? It hasn’t been before. It’s been pain and torment and gaslighting. Lies on more lies on more lies. 
Forever feels like a dirty word now. A falsehood spread by those the universe blessed. Not the ones that apparently really needed to learn over and again what love isn’t. 

but bitterness isn’t my style. And at my core I believe in things going well. Working for what we want. Hunting for what we need. And I believe the stars might just align and I’ll find him…

losing hope isn’t for me. 
I’ll stick to the dreams of passion and love and trust. Of honesty and loyalty. Of fiery attraction and desire. those dreams are too tempting to lose hope in. 
I’ll stick to the stars. 
They’ll align someday. 

4 months ago. Saturday, January 17, 2026 at 8:57 PM

I swish around in my tub, the water ribbons of purple bath bomb. Just hot enough to not actually be hellish lava water, but just barely.

The shuffled music playlist hitting all the feels tonight.

Boiling my body in what one hopes is a magical fix all purple potion…when in reality it’s just plain well water…just purple swirling…not the answer to anything…

But my grown woman self decided tonight she wouldn’t stress and miss and wish desperately and cry…tonight she will pretend to be a magical mermaid in a bubbling purple potion…tomorrow she can search for the fix. The thing that will take the fear away. Heal the pain. Make her better. Make her whole. Let her have the sweet and committed and trustworthy and loyal and loving D/s relationship and dynamic she had dreamed of for years…which landed her in deeper pain and surged full of extra fear…she deserves not to walk on eggshells. 

she deserves a strong, loving, dominant Daddy to love her and care for her and guide her. 
Tomorrow she can be the sad fearful lost little girl. Tonight she gets to be a mermaid…