I've seen lots of excellent posts on negotiating play scenes. Everything from types of play, to intensity, to aftercare, to desired emotions.
What I haven't seen discussed nearly as much is how to negotiate a D/s dynamic.
But first.... an anecdote.
Last week, my son's school sent out a notice to all parents telling us about one of their current long term goals. This long term goal was written out in a large, bolded heading font:
HOW WE ORANGISE
The thing is, what irked me WASN'T just the typo. I get that these happen (I'm sure my own writings are full of them), but when a business whose job it is to teach literacy doesn't proof-read the heading of a document that's being printed and sent out to everyone... it feels like less of a mistake and more of a blatant lack of attention to detail.
See, despite the above, I don't actually consider myself a perfectionist. I'm a big believer in putting in the appropriate amount of effort for a job, based on time constraints / remuneration / quality expectations / etc. Sometimes, circumstances will dictate that quick hacks are totally appropriate. But it's important to me that the choice of how much effort to invest is intentional, not a default.
Which brings me, in a very round-about fashion, back to D/s. One of the things which draws me to this lifestyle is that things happen on purpose. Power exchange is negotiated and agreed on, not just something which happens by default based on gender, or job title, or who shouts the loudest. If someone is submitting to another's will, it's because they have chosen to do so, and because it's mutually beneficial to both people.
When it comes to negotiating a power exchange dynamic, the two considerations which I think are key are scope and duration. Pornography would have people believe that everything is "total power exchange" where one person is essentially omnipotent. But D/s in reality, at least for me, isn't like that.
In terms of scope, consider what the Dominant's authority covers. Is it only over what happens during play? Does it cover what is ordered for dinner? Who does household chores? The way in which those chores are done? Who opens doors for the other? Or to use some more extreme examples, how about a submissive's choice of career, or what political party they vote for?
In terms of time, does the authority transfer only exist in the bedroom? Just during a one-off scene? Whenever a collar is worn? Whenever the people are in the Dominant's house? 24/7? 8/5? 24/7 for a week, then reviewed?
I'm by no means an expert, but I'd encourage anyone considering a D/s dynamic (on either side of the slash) to think carefully about these two things, and what a positive dynamic for them would look like.
Then, be upfront about what you want when negotiating a dynamic. And be open to this changing this over time, as you both grow and get to know each other.
And never settle for orangisation.
Unless Carotenosis is your kink.