We were young.
At this point I've realized it was just imprinting before identities were formed that made it unforgettable.
When I walked into Spanish (I), I sat down next to him because his energy felt familiar. I could feel him staring at me, claiming me, before I ever parked my (then) tight ass in that very uncomfortable desk.
I knew he knew and he knew as well; neither of us knew what it was.
I hated how I was drawn to him. Still do. I've told some ridiculous lies, said some horrible things and made him question his own existence more than a handful of times. But I always looked for him. Correction, I always look for him. Just his presence is comforting and disarming. I can get away with saying what comes to mind first, not being intentional, when I'm not near him. When I am next to him, I am putty in his hands...
The anticipation of walking down the corridor when our paths crossed later in the day always made my moonchie clench and throb. It was an unfamiliar feeling then. Now I can identify it as desire.
He's an emotional pleasure Dom by nature. He wants surrender and submission through completely giving yourself over to him mentally.
We've never dated. We've only ever been really intense friends with undefined, messy, gut wrenching boundaries.
We cursed each other out before prom. He then showed up for just me; and we left together.
We constantly bump heads and I've never been able to let myself completely relax with him. I think it's because he hasn't truly learned himself yet and it reads in his energy. I also know that we are misaligned and not compatible in our lives or communication styles.
I replay moments in my head like an old book I can't stop reading; searching for some hidden meaning. Hoping that there's still a chance of us meeting and everything going as the universe originally planned it.
A part of me hates him for not choosing me now and the other parts of me hate myself for not choosing him then. There is no in-between.
But we aren't young. And he is still unforgettable.